Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Blogging…

… without the bludgeoning of circumstance!
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by Philipina A. Marcelo


Some people ask why I don’t blog more about work-related stuff.

Why, indeed? Well, it’s because I am against thinking about work whenever I sit in front of my “personal computer” to blog or to visit my favorite social networking site – Facebook – to relax, unwind, and connect with friends in the cyberspace.

Not so long ago, after learning how my health was being adversely affected by too much stress from work, I resolved that I will give myself relaxation time EVERYDAY and it will NOT involve work in any way! I will work hard every single day, but when I leave my workplace for the day, I leave work right there and will be back to it in the morrow. I will not bring it with me at home, and if I did - for some compelling reasons, I certainly would not sleep with it! :)

Blogging for me is a much needed break from the pressure at work – it’s a relaxation activity, therefore, it shouldn’t involve work. It’s a way to disintegrate myself from the “professional harness” for a little bit and think more freely… and even loosely, like a “normal” human being, and still trying to be responsible that what I blog about would not be detrimental to my professional life. In other words, when I blog, I’m just “Philip” and not Prof. Philipina A. Marcelo, Ph.D. - yes, I am putting a distinction between those two, too... no matter what the Education Law says! ;)

In the classroom, while I enjoy talking about Daniel Bernoulli’s equation in my Fluid Mechanics lectures, usually allowing myself to go on an inviscid "academic trance" - allowing my soul and parts of my heart to show themselves - while discussing its applications using a few episodes of Star Trek as illustrations... in my blogs, I’d rather talk about Yiruma’s music and how it is beautifully punctuated with the glory of falling in love! In the lab, while the various functionalities of whey proteins continue to leave me in awe that they usually make me lose my sense of time, I’d much rather talk about prayers and wishful thinking in my blogs – they keep my ideals intact and renew my positive views on things, which are always in danger of erosion given the enormous "shear stress" at work. In the University, while I am very vocal about my opinion that teaching and research must be pursued with equal sense of responsibility, and that I believe that those who insist that a profession in the Academia only involved coming to class from 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM, teaching with 20-year old lecture notes - and that’s it - are underserving of their tenure... I’d much rather talk about Bella Swan’s one true love – the beautiful Edward Cullen – in my blog! Why? Because there are things, like love and hope, that I’d rather feel more abundantly in my private life… which are scarce in the workplace. And, maybe they should be, too, actually?! :)

Come to think of it, perhaps it's only the admin part of my job that really constitute the irritating harness, and the rest constitute natural inclinations. And yet, while I try to fulfill my responsibilities in the workplace with much reverence for my profession and for sincerely caring about people and institutions that depended on it, it isn’t the same professional experience that I'm looking for. Nevertheless, I stay where I am right now - for now - because I love my profession and the university that I serve, especially the students - they are brilliant, but most of them cannot afford the more expensive places that promise cutting-edge education. And because luck has afforded me such an experience, I thought I could bring it to them. I’m still hoping that change would come in my present workplace - for the students' sake, and for the country's sake... and when it finally does, I know it’s going to be a meaningful one. In the depths of my soul, I know that that is going to be soon enough. And then, I will move on... freedom will finally be mine! In the meantime, the contradictions make up the “professional harness” that can sometimes drain one’s energy... but I don’t have to let them drain my energy. This is why, when I leave my workplace, I choose to surround myself with the emotional sustenance and joy that one only gets when he or she is “normal” and carefree, not restrained by the harness. And so, I write about other things... the more substantial things, which my soul yearns for – in earnest - to strengthen my shield against frustration!

Some may argue that if you liked, or loved, your profession then whatever you do would never be about (hard)work. While that is generally true, it may not necessarily apply to everything about work – there’s always a few exceptions, even trade-off, I think. For instance, I love teaching… it brings me indescribable joy to see how my students’ faces lit up everytime something seem to make sense for them in my lectures - it makes all the hardwork of preparing for a lecture so worth it… but grading papers is a torture for me, and having to deliberate whether a kid fails or not is an unbelievable torment! Also, while it brings me happiness and sense of fulfillment to be envisioning a great future for my workhome, making plans to make it happen, and executing the plan – no matter how hard, and sometimes against all odds, too – and seeing it through to the finish line together with wonderful colleagues, it annoys me to be dealing with smug, uncooperative, narrow-minded and complacent people, especially when they wouldn’t even explain themselves… they just wouldn’t cooperate, and that’s it! I try very hard to remind myself, convince myself even, that all the negative attitude is nothing personal, and merely due to lack of exposure and experience to draw wisdom from... making them fall into the ugly pit of complacency without realizing, in uber smugness and utter ignorance, that they did! This shouldn't bother me too much, except that when they go down, they bring the whole workplace down with them! And therefore those who knew better should keep striving to be extra patient... and keep going, just to balance things out and keep the place afloat. But sometimes, frustration gets the better of me, too...

Oops, aggravation! STOP!

See? This is precisely why I don’t blog about work! ;)

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Thursday, April 1, 2010

The river flows in...

...YouTube!
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by Philipina A. Marcelo



No, I don't live in a cave or something... in fact, I live right in the heart of a modern and among the busiest Megacities in the world today! I'm some kind of a techie, too, but for some reason, I haven't really caught the YouTube fever until recently... I guess, I simply wasn't the YouTube kind of a person, and I can't explain why not either when (almost) everyone who has a computer and internet access is hooked to YouTube somehow these days... and I have two laptops and a netbook, and am usually on-line, too! =) Although it's the lamest excuse, I'd say, it's probably my crazy schedule... or my aversion to anything where respect for intellectual property rights and/or privacy is not crystal clear? But I came across a video of the extremely talented Yiruma playing "River flows in you" on YouTube, and it turned me to an instant YouTube believer. Hot, hot... hot!

The music is absolutely beautiful... I love the varying melodic texture and the swing of emotions that it invokes. It's just lovely how the melody starts with some sort of uncertainty and doubt, going back and forth... and then somehow finds its rhythm and picks up to a seemingly unstoppable surge of powerful emotion... and flows beautifully to an astonishingly sweet melody that I'm pretty sure can only be inspired by love... and falling in love. The melody then rushes to amplify the feeling and the sweetness in the air where its waves touched it. While the sweet melody brings you achingly close to touching love with the very tip of your finger, feeling it, tasting it in the air around you, the melody slows down so painstakingly... once again doubting - to a point of vulnerability... looking for answers to unknown questions, asking for reassurance. And then, with another surge of energy, defiance and musical emotion, the doubt is overcome... and the music again flows towards the sweetness of loving... and then it turns tender and peaceful, but so full of conviction... so sure of its course, so sure of its intentions, its wants and its very existence... the fervor to carry the melody home to its sweetest conclusion is almost tangible, the rush almost sweeps you off your feet - absolutely exhilarating! Like the sincerest of whispered prayers, the music then slowly plays, as if one is professing love and devotion to a beloved. And then it picks up to a joyful cadence of victory... and then slowly, solemnly, it winds down to a breathtakingly tender and oh, so beautiful finish. It just leaves you breathless and wanting for more, and you just can't help yourself - exactly like falling in love!

Yiruma is such an incredible talent! Watching him play "River flows in you" via YouTube, made me think it's so ridiculously sweet how his unlined face still contorts - obviously, emotionally taken - at various points in the piece when he must've already played it a million times by now! As if the beauty of his music wasn't enough, how he throws his body backward, or leans forward, or tilts his head to the side until it touched his shoulder to contain the towering waves of emotion as they impact his soul is just totally beautiful to watch! Hmm... if one could only embrace a melody. Oh, well....

Alright, Steve Chen, Chad Hurley and Jawed Karim... here's an extremely late confession: I hate you for your extraordinary genius that makes most of humanity - especially my kind - feeling like idiots ;), but thanks for your vision, and your boldness to turn it to reality that is YouTube. Now, I can watch Yiruma anytime of the day... and savor the sweetness of falling in love again and again, too! :) And, if only for that, I think that in spite of my hatred for you, I'm a big fan! :) I don't know how that could be possible, but hey, you guys are the genius ones, so go figure! :)

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Photos: (1) "Two for the Lake", taken at the Seneca Lake (Geneva front) in Geneva, NY (October 2005); (2) "Sail-fish", taken at the Cayuga Lake in Ithaca, NY (May 2007).
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