Saturday photo

Little acts of love, and a 'splash of colors'...
...an antidote to an all-engulfing strange feeling of emptiness.

In the past two months or so, I have been receiving many presents from students and colleagues - for no 'big' reasons.  I am not really into flowers or chocolates or 'cutesy' stuff, but I do appreciate thoughtfulness and kindness... those expressions of sincere and warm caring... including those in the form of 'cutesy' stuff.  Sometimes a mere hint of a smile or a little nod of encouragement is more than enough for me especially 'when the going is tough', and I need to keep going even when I'm not all that tough.  

I work hard... like a 'maniac' sometimes because I'm driven by a sense of mission, and I am overly aware of how short life can be.  Therefore, I rarely find the time to 'smell the flowers', but our students and some colleagues (and my family, of course) bring me 'the garden'... and in such impeccable timing, too, which is whenever I need it.  That keeps depression at arm's length.  Yes, depression is REAL, and so is the feeling of anxiety.  And that strange feeling of 'emptiness' that hits us out of nowhere sometimes - that is real, too.  They can pull one into a dark, frightening abyss; can plague the mind with disturbing images, distorted by self-doubt and paranoia, and can poison reasoning and emotion to illogical hysteria; can drown one's hope in a sea of grave sadness so utterly deep and all-engulfing, they can leave one in a total emotional wreck, out of control; can leave a paralyzing heavy weight on one's chest that not even the happiest of memories can lift.  They are numbing, devastating, and can shatter one to pieces.  But they can be OVERCOME - with love, and with faith in God.  And that is MORE REAL!  

There is plenty of love around - in our campus... especially in the Faculty of Engineering of the University where I teach, and God's presence can be felt from all the love and deep caring.  I hope that our students find them... and if they don't find these little nuggets of love and those little packets of soothing balm for the soul on their own, I hope that they'd reach out, or holler for help.  I hope that they'd muster the courage to open up and reach out... and we'll be there with outstretched arms, reaching out to them, too.  They need not drown in sorrow; they need not be devastated by depression; they need not be left numb by anxiety; they need not dwell in that dark abyss of grave sadness and melancholy. There is help.  There is love - pure love of family and friends, of mentors and peers... true, deep and endless love that is God, and it's REAL!

***

10, 9, 8...

...3, 2, 1. Welcome, October!
============================================================================
by PAM


And, here we are, at last.  The 'darkness' of night has faded... and a new day begins. ⛅

I'm 'awake', thank you. 

I wish to begin the month of October with an inspirational Message, a Homily, actually, from the Master of the Order of Preachers (Dominicans), the Very Rev. Fr. Bruno Cadoré,O. P., M.D., Ph.D., who is also the Chancellor of the University of Santo Tomas (UST) where I teach. I received the great gift of shaking the hand of the venerable Master, and receiving his blessing, when he visited UST about a couple of weeks ago.  After contemplating last January to April on the life and works of the Blessed Jordan of Saxony, the successor of St. Dominic, and now the Patron Saint of the Faculty of Engineering, which I lead, I felt so blessed, indeed, to be in the company of St. Dominic's 86th successor.  It was, indeed, an incredible experience.

I chanced upon an article on an event that took place almost exactly one year ago when Fr. Cadoré presided the celebration of the Mass to launch the General Congregation of the Jesuits in Rome. He led the Congregration of Jesuits in praying, "Lord, Increase Our Faith!"

Below is the full text of Fr. Cadoré's homily, and I hope to be forgiven for borrowing it, and posting it here.

"Lord, Increase our Faith."  What a beautiful prayer - "daring to aim for the improbable", as Fr. Cadoré describes it. 

The past five months, especially September, had been very difficult time for me... I felt it was 'improbable' to survive it.  My health was not at its usual level of 'tip-top shape'... and I was afraid.  I've walked 'this road' before... a road that could have been the very end of the journey.  Well, at least, this part of the journey... this life.  And, I walked alone this time... because I did not want to worry my family... and my supposed friends - my second family, had been very busy criticizing me... my 'temper' (as they call my admonitions), made short by all the pains, and their unacceptable incompetencies, if I'd be honest about it. And, through it all, I never made excuses, I performed my duties - to the very best of my ability, to prevent disruption in the progress we are making.  It really is rather easy to see the faults of people around us... to criticize rather than to show sympathy, to ask why, to extend a helping hand... especially when we fail to realize our own incompetence, or have realized it but we're unwilling to confront it lest we see the ugly face of our own insecurities; and because it is easier to criticize someone else than to do something about our own shortcomings, or confronting the feeling of being  emasculated from admitting that there are things that others can do that we cannot.  In this case it might be easier to belittle what others can do and have done, twist the picture, and focus on their weaknesses instead... their 'temper' most of all!  Why not magnify our little accomplishments, and make people fume over the shortcomings of others, especially those who have annoyingly accomplished so much that we feel so much lesser?  That is a lot easier, isn't it?  Yes, it is, for those of us 'who pursue first their own interests', that is.

All good deeds are, indeed, easily forgotten with one fault - a slip, because of all the unbearable pain, the numbing fear, the silent suffering, the doubts, the uncertainties.  That sounds like an excuse... but, no, it's a lamentation over the unfortunate ways of the world.  And yet, it does not justify hurting another's feelings, bruising another's ego.  It is still lamentable, no matter that it was accidental, or deserved because one asked for it, or out of dealing with one's pain. And it is lamentable to cause someone else pain under this circumstances, or any circumstance for that matter.  My own physical pains are still here... they are not dulled by taking a 'nap' in September, and I will suffer from them for a long time... but I am prepared to live with them now... at least, for how ever long this journey was set to last for me.  Most of all, I am prepared to accept the lack of sympathy, the lack of understanding, the judgements, the unfair criticisms that emanate from one's bruised ego and insecurities.  For as long as the people that matter understand, I won't suffer from these things.  These people may be very few... but theirs are the opinions that matter... because such opinions are borne out of fairness and love - true, unconditional love.  And I will always value that love with all my heart, and it shall keep me going.  

I'm counting my blessings... and it's a lot!  My goodness, it's a lot! 😇🙏 I shall continue to persevere, to share my blessings with others, by guiding young people so that they, too, may enjoy the gifts of God that I enjoyed tremendously, not allowing myself to be 'shut' in darkness again by all the disappointments and frustrations that give the feeling of hopelessness; to remain focused on my duties and vocation, to focus on my being an 'unworthy servant', not worrying about other things, especially those that are beyond my control, because, as Fr. Cadoré said, "everything depends on God". 

I wish to borrow Fr. Cadoré's prayer, the prayer that comes as a passionate whisper from my heart at the moment:

Lord, I am an 'unworthy servant: I have only done my duty'.  Help me make that decision, and retain the joy in my heart.  

'Lord, Increase my Faith!'  

Amen.

***
Quotation credit: Homily by Very Rev. Fr. Cadoré,O.P., M.D.,Ph.D., the Master of the Order of Preachers, during the Celebration of Mass of the Jesuit General Congregation on 2 October 2016 in Rome.

***