Friday, April 19, 2019

"Maybe we'll learn to be kind."

"Noah"... a film for the Holy Week.
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by PAM

It took five years before I finally mustered the will to watch this two-hour saga of a film from 2014.  I wanted to see it when it was first shown, but the moment I learned about how grim and dark it was, both in storyline and film making techniques, from film critics reviews, I retreated.  I was not ready yet those past years to taint the Holy Week memories I had as a little child with my siblings and our deceased mother, huddled in our little sala, eating home-cooked merienda - mother's concoctions - watching biblical films,
The epic saga that was anything but...
...uhm, biblical?
such as "Noah's Ark", "Jesus of Nazareth" and other children's films, such as those depicting the lives of children saints in Lourdes and in Fatima who witnessed the apparition of the Virgin Mary. I was not ready to blemish those memories with a grim film that could ruin Holy Week traditions for me.

This year, it's been different.  I am trying to decide on something big... and I have been torn between love... and mighty annoyance (hahaha...); several years of inspired service that is begging to be continued until the 'time is right' to pass on the baton to God's chosen successor vs. a barren do-as-you're-told situation, in which I am coerced to abandon dreams and aspirations as a leader and follow instructions without much thinking - for the sake of uniformity just because one believes that uniformity is achieving order, and order leads to success; and sealing a meaningful legacy with a 'sweet kiss', so to speak vs. resuming an 'old affair' with intellectually stimulating pursuits that grow irresistible by the day because of a potentially life-changing experience that will benefit many... plus it leaves time for the self and loved ones.  Yes, it is truly tough... and it is, indeed, requiring deep contemplation.  And yet, it isn't up to me... it all depends on God's plans.  I am a mere servant, and so, I submit myself fully and completely to His will - as before, as now... as always. 

As such, I needed another perspective... while I actively pursued our usual family Holy Week tradition and practice, I thought I'd mix it up with something else - watching a Holy Week-themed film.  And I thought of "Noah" - the film by Darren Aronofsky that starred the fine, fine actor, Russell Crowe in the title role, with Jennifer Connelly (Naameh), Emma Watson (Ila), Ray Winstone (Tubal-Cain), Logan Lerman (as Ham), Douglas Booth (as Shem), Leo McHugh Carroll (as Japheth), and the brilliant Anthony Hopkins (as Methuselah).  But, I was wrong... I did not find utter enlightenment in the film.  I should have listened to film critics, religious and evangelists.  It was a lovely film, yes... if it did not claim anything related to the The Creation in the bible, that is.  The critics, and even Aronofsky himself, are correct - it was the 'least biblical' film there was!  I thought it was merely seeking to make a statement about taking care of planet earth, which was once destroyed because of man's folly, and was made to thrive again by 'The Creator', as referred to in the film, in a 'second chance' covenant sealed with a rainbow.

And yet, the film had its moments.  I particularly like the conversation between Naameh and Methuselah, in which Methuselah justified the impending destruction of all, including Noah's decision to make sure that the existence of man ceases with his family as the last men to live, as part of his obedience to the will of 'The Creator'.  The world must be given a second chance to flourish without the wickedness of man, Noah thought, and which 
Duty vs. love... what is greater? 
Why can't it be duty AND love?  Can they be one and the same?
Methuselah supported.  Therefore, Noah and Naameh's two other sons - Ham and Japeth, must not seek wives to reproduce; and that Shem, who was with Ila, must not be allowed to reproduce either.  Naameh was incredulous.  She said, "I can't believe that's true.  Not when I look at my sons.  All they desire is love.  Isn't that all their hearts need to be good?"


When Ham was visibly distraught for losing the girl he meant to make his wife, and whose death Noah allowed, adhering to his belief that man's existence must cease, Noah explained to Ham, "I'm very sorry about that girl.  And I am sorry for you.  But we have been entrusted with a task much greater than our own desires."  

Father and mother... we see the contrast in this case.  The mother seeks what will and can make her brood happy and good while the father remains steadfast in obedience and adherence to duties - no matter the consequence.  Ah, how we must all be wishing that duty and love are one and the same!

But I do think that the highlight of the film was the conversation between Ila and Noah, when Noah explained why he did not kill the twin daughters of Ila and Shem even when he believed before their birth that he was duty-bound to do so, "I looked down at those two little girls, and all I had in my heart was love."  And so, there it is... duty vs. love, love won!  But with 'The Creator' allowing Noah's decision to keep the twin girls alive, He must
"...it begins again with you."
have meant duty AND 
love can be one and the same, too.  It was a beautiful moment in the film... and a beautiful realization for the audience... well, at least, this audience.

The treasure of the film poured out in that scene, and it continued to pour out when, after Noah humbly admitted his failure to obey God by allowing Ila's twin girls to live, "I failed Him", he said; and Ila said, "Did you?  He chose you for a reason, Noah.  He showed you the wickedness of man and knew you would not look away.  But then, you saw goodness, too.  The choice was put in your hands because he put it there.  He asked you to decide if we were worth saving.  And you chose mercy.  You chose love."

Ah, there it is... my clue! 

And yet, the biggest moral of the film, I think, is what the emotionally tortured son, Ham, said to Ila as he bid her farewell, leaving the family to live on his own. "For all it's worth," he said, "I'm glad that it begins again with you. Maybe we'll learn to be kind."

So, yes, no matter what we decide to do in this life... we can't go wrong by going for, and going with kindness - true kindness, not self-righteousness or quickness to judge without truly knowing and clearly understanding, or worse, deciding that one's self is kinder than the rest without 'looking in the mirror' first.  True kindness... goodness from the heart that bears positive outcome that is love... and not merely for show nor feeding the ego by being widely liked and being popular.

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Image credits:  All mages above were borrowed from Rotten Tomatoes - thank you.

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Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Tuesday night movie...

...because the night calls for mindless entertainment.
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by PAM

The last five days have been quite a 'roller coaster ride', wherein health kept getting in the way in getting things done... and it was impossible to avoid annoying individuals who refuse to be team players because their personal agenda is bigger than the Institution's thrust. And what is worst is that when you try to pull them back on track, they 'yelp' loudly and play the 'victim'... and just like that, they divide the Team - the Team built for a long time with tears, joy and common vision... thriving in camaraderie and love.  While
Smiling in optimism regardless of odds.
it is true that the strength of a true Team should not be undermined by one annoying individual, when one's agenda is venomous enough, one strike can 'kill'!  And so, it's been a very toxic five days.


There were saving graces, so many of them, actually, thank goodness! I do love the commitment, and the innocent and sincere thirst for knowledge of my undergraduate students, especially my research students.  They cling to their vision of contributing something substantial to the body of knowledge in our area of research, and they maintain optimism as they look forward for this contribution to be making positive impact on the lives of farmers and other workers in the grassroots.  Yes, they subscribe to the wisdom of bringing Science & Technology to the grassroots... and it simply is inspiring to experience their dedication, optimism and unwavering perseverance no matter how challenging their circumstances are, and no matter how the odds seem to be against them most of the time.  Ah, to be young, idealistic and pure of heart - essential in a beautiful and rewarding life!

***
See a feel-good movie, and feel truly good 

But, yes, the staggering 'ups and downs' of the past five days have been emotionally taxing, no matter how huge the happiness dosage that my students provide.  Therefore, time to whip up some mindless entertainment to rid the thoughts of negative elements. So, I went for my trusty feel-good Hallmark TV Movies, and I found this...


"Manhattan is the best, but you gotta manage it.
Move faster, push harder, talk louder.  It's the survival of the fittest here... 
You're cool, Ohio. Just remember, just be yourself." 

The tv movie is called, "Summer in the City", and it stars two actors that I'm not too familiar of: Julianna Guill (Taylor Morgan) and Marc Bendavid (Philip Bartell), with support from the trusty actress, Vivica A. Fox (Alyssa Stone).  Taylor is this talented and smart gal from a small town in Ohio with a lovely personality.  She dreamt of becoming a big player in the fashion industry of New York City (NYC).  While she waited for that dream to become a reality, she worked in a women's clothes store in her town... until this NYC high fashion store owner, Alyssa, walked in.  Impressed by the apparent 'fashion psychic' in Taylor, Alyssa offered her to become the manager of her NYC store, A Line.  Hoping to expand her business, Alyssa pinned her hopes on Taylor to come up with a 'game changing' plan to bring in more customers and investors to A Line.  It was all going good... so much so that Taylor's honest and lovely 'small town' Ohio gal personality was not only winning new customers but also won the attention of Philip, a young realtor who was set to inherit his family's business... although his heart was somewhere else: to own a chain of food trucks, with a menu of his own creations. Being both kind and of lovely personalities, the two clicked right away, encouraging one another to pursue each other's dreams.  It was all going good until Taylor had a falling out with Alyssa, and she decided to go back to Ohio.

After realizing how Taylor was right in her assessment of A Line, and how it should move forward - carrying Alyssa's own designs - Alyssa went to Ohio to offer Taylor partnership in A Line.  Later, with encouragement from Philip, Taylor proposed a business plan to Alyssa that made the latter drop a pending big money agreement with an investor that was about to completely change A Line from a high fashion icon to a store of mass produced cheap clothes but with huge return of investment. Alyssa favored Taylor's proposal over the investor's, and they both work towards the attainment of their common goal.  With Alyssa's encouragement, Taylor sought Philip to admit her feelings for him and accept Philip's offer to bring their relationship to the next level.  She didn't find him in the Realty Office.  Disappointed, she turned away... only to be stopped by a call from the driver of a food truck - Philip!  And they lived happily ever after.

Hmmm... it was a simple feel-good movie, but it was special in that it was well-acted.  The characters are very good people with real concerns, making one realize that one can be in challenging situations and still retain good nature and kindness - a lesson for me, actually.  Taylor's looks, voice and kindness also reminded me of a very good friend of mine back in my days in Cornell University, Julia Fritsch from Brazil... who even have similar name as Julianna!  So, it inspired very good and warm memories... I love it, if only for that!

The verdict:  Instead of being idle and broody, go for it... it'll be worth your while.

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Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the video link.

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Saturday, April 13, 2019

Saturday photo(s)...

...and love.
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by PAM

Love...
...the antidote to frustration and hopelessness. 
It feels great that when things are not all that good, we have our "go-to" gang to ease the pain from our current circumstances: family and good friends - loved ones... them who give unconditional love... tough love sometimes, but true love nevertheless.

I am so glad I have enough of those. Around them, I do not have to pretend to be someone else, or be desperate to beg for their attention, or to belong to their circle... they welcome me with loving arms. I can bare my soul without reservation, and they accept me - not for whatever title I have or whatever my professional or social status is, just me... simply me.  I can talk to them in the middle of the night... until we are all exhausted and sleep overcomes us. If I need to speak again when we wake up in the morning, they are all ears again...and they know exactly how to make me feel better, even when I don't sometimes.  Of course, I do the same to them when any of them are in a rough spot, too. Together we pray for better times... together we hope and wait for better times... and they hold my hand as we do, and it feels incredibly reassuring.  That's why I know they are God's gifts to me - their touch, their words, their gaze... are manifestations of what I hope and wish to feel from God's answers to our prayers.  They embody my hopes and wishes... and they bring nothing but joy - even in the worst of times.  And, I love them so... I thank God for them every single day. 🙏💖

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Friday, April 12, 2019

When there isn't enough reason anymore...

...to stay.
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by PAM

When you dread getting out of bed in the morning to spend the rest of the day in a place that has become more and more suffocating, constricting, restricting and limiting your supposed steady growth...

When you feel that you need to keep 'sneaking out' of your space to catch air lest your lungs collapses, and to find a grain of inspiration and love to keep going because there isn't any in the said place...  

When you feel that the expectations are way too staggering and sometimes humanly impossible, and that you are judged very harshly by some self-righteous individuals who pretend that they know your heart and assume the worst in you based on your weaknesses without asking - ever - how you are, and why you are in pain...  

When you feel that, when 'forced' to be productive, you'd rather work late at night - alone - because the day is just way 'too crowded' for you, forcing you to see too many faces that you'd
When the sea beckons, should you set out and
sail... away?
rather not see because their owners drive daggers into your heart; feeling too much negative vibes that gnaw on your resolve to be productive...


When you feel that, no matter how you persevere what you do no longer excites you because they don't spark joy, they don't inspire optimism and the heartfelt desire to serve sincerely and earnestly; they don't stir your passion, they don't seem relevant or important in the greater scheme of things...

When you feel that many desire what you have - the very same thing that you've never desired in the first place - and it's painful to keep it because you know it is killing some of them, thinking that you are happy with what they believe you 'possess' when you merely are keeping stewardship...

When what you do feels more and more like a 'thankless job' - which should never be okay - in a place that seems to merely use you, squeezing out the last drop of passion from 
When the road bends to an exhaustive curve, do you
follow it to find out what it reveals... or do you
change course?
your heart until you bleed with 'nothing'; a place so unmindful of, or worse, ignoring your well-being...


When where you are makes you feel that you'd rather be somewhere else - just serving in peace, and joyfully, too; serving in a place where you are enabled to be the best you could possibly be rather than just getting reduced to play the role of a submissive slave who is expected to please and feed others' fat ego and cater to their whims; and be in that place where you are compensated enough, not with money but with very good reasons to stay...

When your environment makes you feel that you'd rather be with someone else who fill your heart with joy, who make you feel loved and appreciated, who accord you with mutual respect, and that your happiness is important to them, too...

When you feel that, perhaps, God is calling you somewhere else where you can thrive, and where you are enabled to multiply His wonderful gifts...

...then, it probably is time to go.  

***
And yet, wise and loving individuals who sincerely care remind you not to make critical decisions when things are at their worst, and that annoyance with one or a couple of individuals should not avert your attention from the task given to you by God in the very beginning. The truth is, it is between you and God - no matter what others feel... and no matter how you feel either.  If He chooses to close this chapter in your life, then accept and be thankful because, for sure, He has prepared something greater somewhere else. 

In the end, His will be done... and He wills the very best!

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Friday, April 5, 2019

Fulfilling a promise...

...because some promises are worth-keeping.
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by PAM

For many years, my heart had been peacefully 'dormant'.  It did some flip-flopping when my youngest nephew, Lucas Antonio, was born more than three years ago, and it felt very good.  He literally lit up my world... well, our family's world, actually. And yet, for some reason, my heart still felt 'tired and old' from beating as steadily as an efficient clock's monotonic tik-tok. The familiar warmth from the love of family that envelopes the heart is comforting and reassuring, but it does not bring the world in a sweet 'chaos', sending the heart a-fluttering as thousands of colors burst before one's very eyes.  The fascination of God's gifts manifested in a rewarding life, both personal and professional, had been heartwarming, too... but it was miles away from the sweet dizziness that one feels as one's world swirls fast, getting thrown off in breathtaking spins that only being in love can bring about.    

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And love came around...

Almost two years ago, something caused the gears to click in my heart... they just did.  And before I could even figure out what sparked that lovely sound of churning 'engine' underneath my chest, there I was, being spun around by a whirlwind of a variety of emotions, mostly sweet and exciting kinds - and it felt good.  Ah, the world - my world - was alive again.  The dark skies were suddenly bursting with colorful a-twinkling lights... so cheerful and lovely, my heart raced like a frenzied llama. A realization struck me, I knew what it was... it can't be anything else. I was in love!   

About two years ago, I fell 'in love' again - with these kind, sweet and extremely lovely kids...
...those lovely faces and, oh-so-pleasant personalities - just irresistible.
After four-and-a-half years of hard toil and stressful daily grind in the Office that made my world oh-so-incredibly-dull, the sun finally shone again in my sky!  These kids brought sunshine into my world... with their kindness and sweet nature, the sincerity of most of them, and their desire to do well whatever the circumstance.  As I get to know many of them... and as they shyly share their thoughts, the more endeared they become to me.  Their sense of humor is irresistible, it just brightens up my day. Their sense of community and solidarity is impressive and inspiring. Some of them are trusting and sincere enough to allow me to take a peek at their souls... those beautiful, beautiful souls! They 'push' me to the 'edge' each time... helped me to see the beauty beyond the four walls of the Office that enslaved me for so long now... and I jumped - fell... fallen... in love.     

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This, I promise you...

One of the highlights of a graduating Class's final year in the University is their week-long International Educational Tour in a country of their choice.  As a show of solidarity with them, last year, I promised to join them, and be a part of this important milestone in their college journey. They chose to go to S. Korea, and they chose to go last week.  Even when I was totally harassed by so many pressing issues in Office that week, I endeavored to free up three days in my calendar - their last three days in S. Korea - but without them knowing it.  They left the country without me, and many of them, including the parents of some, were very disappointed.  

On their third day in S. Korea, after a full work schedule in Office, I went on a 'red eye' flight, which I booked merely 36 hours prior to departure, from Manila to Incheon.  I Arrived in Incheon International Airport at 4:40 am the next day, and travelled for an-hour-and-a-half by bus to Seoul to catch them there on their fourth day in SoKor.  I arrived in Seoul at 7:00 a.m., walked to their hotel from the bus stop with luggage in tow.  I barely caught breakfast in the hotel... and I missed their 8:00 a.m. departure for a tour of Nami Island that morning.   Having been up for about 30 hours straight at that point, traveling for five hours on a fully-booked flight with a budget airline, I was totally exhausted... and was hesitating what to do.  But I had a promise to keep. So, after freshening up, I hailed a taxi, and travelled solo to catch them at Nami Island.  After an-hour-and-a-half, my taxi got to the ferry station, going to the island, just 10 minutes before their scheduled return to the ferry station in the main land.  Moving in a flash, I bought my ferry ticket, and rushed to board the next ferry!

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Promise fulfilled...

They were on their way back when I took the ferry to the island, but their ferry was delayed.  And so, I caught them all at the platform of the ferry station of Nami island!  The moment I got out of my ferry, they were waving, cheering, screaming... just very happy to see me.  But no one was happier that moment than I when I saw them at the gate of Nami Island... fate was very kind to me, it allowed me to fulfill my promise.
These kids are love - the sweetest of all!
The next 36 hours after that were spent exploring soulful Seoul - with my kids.  It was truly special, I've never been happier in years!

A year ago, I made a promise... a week ago, I fulfilled that promise - no matter the circumstance.  And, it felt absolutely good!  I thought it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in so many years.  Love?  There cannot be another reason.  Of course, it is love!

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Photo credits: 
Photo 1:  Loaned by Miss Alyssa Tadeo of UST ChemE Class of 2019.
Photo 2:  Loaned by Mr. Jethero Abesamis of UST ChemE Class of 2019.

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