ATM...

...I am speechless.
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by PAM

Therefore, let me try to find songs to help me express what I am actually feeling right now.  Almost immediately, this comes to mind...

"Out of the darkness and into the sun...

...I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway...

...gotta keep moving on, fly away, breakaway."

...just because it's the closest song to describe what I am feeling 'at the moment'.  I'm very sorry if that sounded like being 'self-important'.   

There are many interesting opportunities (to serve) in front of me right now.  While they make me quite happy, and just a bit flattered, I am utterly blown away by the excitement they entail.  It seems that these opportunities were rolling on different flashy streets when, all of a sudden, they met 'detour' signs somewhere... making them roll down my little alley, and stopped serendipitously at my doorstep.  Ah, what luck, indeed!  

But yes, all said opportunities are, indeed, very attractive - and by 'attractive', I mean every single one is absolutely challenging and exciting;  they have the potential to effect radical' change of lasting and positive impact on areas and advocacies that I care about very much, and it seems that there's plenty of help if one tried to turn them into positive change; and they have the potential to bring personal happiness

Praying to attain depth and grace - in age... through a maze of
opportunities that sprouted and grew from the daily sprinkling of
committed, honest and selfless service.

and incredible sense of fulfillment as well - whichever way the cookie crumbled.  So, I have one very tough decision to make.  So help me God.

I guess it all depends on what is most important and, given my age and my remaining productive years, with which opportunity can I make the biggest positive impact, and make my borrowed time really and truly productive time.  No, money is not a factor 'cause with me, it's never about the money... and never about personal ambition either.  And that is easy because the opportunities that come my way do not bring riches nor fame and glory anyway... but they make the soul sing, they make one glow from inner happiness - even when they usually bring me down to my knees first.  Then again, isn't that wonderful... they bring me down to my knees - and pray?  They make me more aware that, up there, someone way mightier than any of us all is looking down upon us - with loving and merciful eyes, but with the impeccable sense of justice.  And yet, He has an abundance of hope, too, when we are down on our knees - in frustration, and in desperate search of inspiration. Therefore, why bring burnt offering?  This awareness is my inspiration to commit to the tasks in front of me - with diligence, honesty and compassion, and everything else that make the greatest of offerings that I am capable of.  It's not always perfect, but I am always blessed with equally committed co-servants - colleagues, co-workers and bosses.  They make every second in service wonderful and meaningful.  And we are always blessed with a refreshing sprinkling of little gifts that make us proud, joyful, and always spiritually refreshed.

And yet, on some days, this is how it feels...

"I feel like the window closes oh so quick

Hopelessly, I'm taking a a mental picture of you now

'Cause hopelessly... the hope is we have so much to feel good about."

And we hold on to our seats, close our eyes, dream wonderful dreams, and let them calm us down.  And when the panic subsides, hope creeps in - in cottony soft little steps... and settles inside the heart.  Hope makes the heart plump of beautiful things to look forward to, and beat with the rhythm of a calming breeze.  We open our eyes... and then we begin again.  

No, it's never easy... but we do it anyway - always hoping for the very best, always dreaming of a beautiful ending when our borrowed time runs out, and we are reunited with the mighty but gentle One above.

***

Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the video link.

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Friday night music...

...because it's been a grueling week.
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by PAM

Oh, boy, what a week!  

I can't even begin to describe how incredibly stressful the week has been, seriously.  And it goes on... the week continues to hammer me on the head with lots of things to do still - with another day of lecture in the Graduate School tomorrow.

Therefore, in case I perish from exhaustion - physically, mentally (thank God, I am not spiritually exhausted!) - let me, at least perish with joy.  In case I drop dead in six seconds, let me be 'remembered' as that woman who perished from making bad choices in life, except for her choice in music... which was outstanding!  It's a 'dying wish for kindness', therefore, you have no right to object! :)  And, here's a sampling of that outstanding taste in music, and may the angels above help her... 

"I'll be there to save the day

Superman got nothing on me, I'm only one call away."

...and keep her - from swooning, in death! :) 

Boy, that was good! It's "One Call Away" by the genius kid, Charlie Puth.  Definitely a 'legit' artist, that's for sure.  I love it that CP is not intimidated and, in fact, he seem to have very little 'love' for the Man of Steel! :) Sounds like this kid is a "bat boy", which works wonderfully for me, obviously! :)  Aw, don't get me wrong, I do love the red-caped hero, too.  Just because he has an insane sense of humor... the exact opposite of the 'brooding' dark knight. Let's just say that I am Superman by day, and Dark Knight by, uh, night kind of a girl. 

Alright, going back to music... while we're admiring CP's music genius, let's have more of it,, this time blended with the genius of Wiz Khalifa...

  

"It's been a long day without you, my friend...
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."

...to soothe our mind and body from bone-breaking stress from work.  While it kind of makes us sad to watch the video, seeing the smiling face of the late Paul Walker, let's just allow the memory of him warm our hearts, and appreciate the music.  

And because the night should end with some feel-good music, let's cap the evening with this...

"if you like to do whatever you've been dreaming about, baby, I'm perfect...

so let's start right now."

...and call it a night.  Uh, well... a night before doing more work - for tomorrow.

***

Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the video links.

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A situation that inspires...

...reflection.
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by PAM

A few years ago, I was rebelling from myself, casting out my appreciation and love for a place that's embedded in my heart.  Just when I was ready to move on from said place, leave it all behind, and see what else is out there, I was inspired by two women - to re-consider my decision, and give our 'good old place' a chance.  They were a bit successful... I actually 'looked back', and I got sucked in - but only temporarily.  

A year later, the restless 'rebellious' streak came back, and I was ready to let go.  One of the inspiring women who cared enough to pay attention at how 'crazy' I was being went one step further than just pay attention.  She 'coaxed' me to dream with her, and it was, indeed, a wonderful dream for the place we both love... and then 'talked' me into taking on the challenge of making that dream come true... through heartfelt service.  It kinda frustrated me 'cause I hate recognizing a challenge... and then not taking it!  I know, I'm such a freak like that.  So, I gotta admit, she's indeed one clever 'rebel whisperer'!

So, I took on the challenge... and the rest is history. 

I really plowed into that 'challenge' stuff like there was no tomorrow... like I didn't know I could actually plow, really! :)  I can just imagine that the 'rebel whisperer' was having fun watching me fight and beat my own rebellious streak... discovering so many things about myself in the process, my formidable edgy self, for instance.  I gotta admit it was truly fun!  I've never felt so blessed... just discovering all the blessings that God so astutely wrapped with self-doubt and shyness.  It was an incredible feeling to discover the blessings, one after another. The 'rebel whisperer' smirked each time I did discover something underneath those layers of self-doubt.  Sometimes, when she thought I wasn't looking, I'd caught her beaming everytime I celebrate with my Team with a little swag after hitting a target - bull's eye. 

So, yeah, it's been a truly exciting ride... and the 'rebel whisperer' never stopped being that - a 'rebel whisperer'.  She kept my 'restless being' in check... with a little arch of the eyebrow, a not-so-discreet clearing of the throat, a roll of the eyes, or a downright disapproval with a shake of the head. It was our little secret... a mentor-mentee natural dynamics.  It's exciting sometimes, it's frustrating other times... but it always felt like a wonderful gift... somehow.

Today, the wind that blows in my face feels strange.  Something is changing, and it did not feel right.  The 'rebel whisperer' began to sing a song of farewell... and it's a truly melancholy song.  I feel that all my edge is slipping away, too, as the song hits its melody.  In its place, the self-doubt is crawling in... and it's scary.  It's the worst time to feel scared.  I feel like I'm in the middle of a fierce battle, and I lost sight of my General... someone took my General away.  And, I feel lost... swinging emptily in thin air, almost making me feel defeated.  

The 'rebel whisperer' was sunshine...

...and the day is darkening as she sang a song of farewell.

I wish for a new day to come... and yet, as far as I'm concerned, there's only one sun for this earth.

***

Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the video link.

Lyrics credit: Thanks, www.azlyrics.com, for the lyrics of "Sunshine" by Gabrielle.

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