Holding my breath....

...until it fell me.
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by PAM


Do you know that feeling when you have way too many things in front of you, begging for your attention to fix them, that, rather than sighing, you hold your breath instead and kept picking the things up one by one, trying to fix them as fast as you can?  And then, you didn't realize that you were out of breath and you just collapsed like a broken doll among the broken stuff on the floor, you yourself needing to be fixed?  Well, for a few months now, that's how I've been

Hello, sickness, my old friend.  Thanks for
rescuing me from my own 'foolishness'.

feeling.  I know.  How foolish of me, isn't it?  Why didn't I just 'breathe steadily' as I picked up stuff to 'fix', right?  That should be the wisest thing to do, except that... breathing slows the work down significantly... and work is far too humongous to afford a slow pace!

What has become of me, I wonder.  I've become a 'slave'.  I've become a slave of my own obsession to get things done... to not have anything in front of me, waiting for my attention by addressing all of them - all at the same time.  And so, I kept trying to accomplish the work of 10 people (maybe more) - with the energy of only one - simply because not all of the people around me share my desire to always get as many things done as possible in a timely manner.  Others are just interested in complaining rather than getting things done.  Others are more interested in counting the hours they spent in the workplace doing precisely just that, counting the hours, rather than how much they were actually accomplishing, if at all.  And still, others spend most of their energy in yakking about the little things they've done, showing them off to whoever might pay attention - mostly for their own selfish benefit - to call attention to and obtain glory for themselves... and I, and the very few others who are as 'foolish' as me, always end up picking up their slack!  Terrific!

Therefore, I feel I withdrew too much from my reserved energy and health... the energy and health reserved for my old age.  Now, I wonder how many years have I taken from my own lifetime by doing what I have been doing.  And, was it worth it?  And, what of the people around me?  Well, they are all walking tall, basking in the glory of our

I should get my life back on track to 'normalcy'...
...and never look back!

accomplishments, celebrating, drinking themselves to death... while my battered self lie among the withered leaves in a field that went parched of neglect.  Oh, how very tempting it is to sigh a big sigh now if it could change anything in my current condition!  But it won't make any difference now.
   
This week, my body decided that it cannot take it anymore, it simply announced that it needed air... and then it stopped working, save for breathing - belaboredly, that is.  I had to haul myself to the hospital to see if the miracles of medicine could be instrumental in making my prayers granted.  It made me feel sad that  every part of my body that the doctors 'poked' hurt.  It puzzled them.  Every inch of my body felt sore... and it probably felt sore for the longest time now, I just kept ignoring it - because I had work to do!  I kept holding my breath until the work was done.  I've been so pathetic... what a sad, sad life I'm choosing for myself - one that I do not deserve at all!

Therefore, what to do now?  One thing is clear, I'd be a complete moron to continue this 'foolishness'.  I owe it to myself to stop this foolishness at once... because I feel that, the next time my body protests, it will just shut down.  No amount of 'medical cajoling' from even the very best of doctors in the country could will it to resume work.  No, it will not just decide to stop working, but it will just 'quit' altogether.  And, when that happens, I have no one to blame but my foolish self... because this last 'episode' showed me that none of the sacrifices is truly worth it.  People do forget... many people do not appreciate good work and they only see your flaws... people do not care - except when it concerns their own interests.    

Then again, people's behavior are not my reasons for doing what I do.  So, I'm very happy, indeed.  I believe I have satisfied my idealism to the fullest in my current work.  I have shown

Allowing something new and colorful to bloom.

everyone in my workplace that anything - anything at all - that the imagination can conjure up could become a reality... that is, if one is willing to set aside personal agenda and personal glory; if one is willing to study diligently and learn (and keep learning) about everything related to one's idea with honest curiosity, plan meticulously and painstakingly towards the goal, and work hard with the brute force of heartfelt commitment in implementing the plan to bring the ideals to reality.  And this could be accomplished more thoroughly and in a timely manner through teamwork.  At the risk of sounding self-absorbed and arrogant, I believe that I've shown an example that might be worth emulating in my current workplace.  It's time for the others to show that they, too, learned from our very good experience, and show interest in picking up the mantle - not for the glory of it all, but for turning idealism to reality as well.  Because, really, where is glory in just assuming the mantle?  Taking up the mantle can only be glorious with concrete accomplishments of lasting impact by the one holding it and his/her team.  Therefore, the hard work comes first... glory comes later, if at all.

As for me, it's time to get my life back on track to 'normalcy', allow something new and colorful to bloom... and flourish... and never look back!

So help me God.  Amen.     
      
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I'll get by...

...with a little help from my 'friends'.
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by PAM


Have you ever had one of those days when none of the very few good things that are not brain-numbing around you can seem to console you into believing that you are going to survive another day without freezing your brain over?  Well, I'm in that 'hole' right now, and boy, is it dark!  It's not that there aren't enough good things in this world, 'cause there are -  more than enough, too, actually.  It's just that they decided to take a 'vacation' today... and they didn't say so.  So, I planned to conduct my day as I usually do.  However, without the good things around, it's the worst of worst ideas!  

But because it's all here, and I'm not about to go wailing, I'll deal with it. Therefore, I'm getting my 'friends' together and haul 'em all in to my 'happy place'.  

"The silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload...

...tell me why I don't like Mondays."

Hmmm... I did say 'happy place', but Sir Bob is wailing like a wounded whale. Oy!  C'mon, Sir Bob, lighten up, will ya now?

But, we gotta understand, aside from that being his singing style, it was an emotional day for the big guy.  He just saw his "big vision", "Live Aid", become a reality.  Live Aid was the biggest gathering of artists back in the '80s in various rock stages in the world, but mainly in Wembley Arena in London, England and in John F. Kennedy Arena in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA.  Phil Collins had to famously take the Concorde to perform in both the Wembley Arena and in the JFK Arena on the same day.  The live performances were shown around the globe via satellite on 13 July 1985, and with the crowd in Wembley seeing what's going on at JFK and vice versa.  Uh-hmm, that's right, they did it back in the days when internet (and all its "brother and sisters", and "cousins, too") was merely taking off. 

Actually, Live Aid was the concert that seemed to have come so naturally after assembling the biggest British acts of the '80s to one group called, Band Aid, just before Christmas of 1984.  The objective was to record a song,"Do they know it's Christmas?", and all proceeds from record sales was to be used to bring aid to Ethiopia, which was hard-hit by drought and economic woes resulting in widespread famine and death.  The front man of Boomtown Rats, Bob Geldof, and Midge Ure of Ultravox assembled the Brit acts to form Band Aid.  Little did they know then that such a seemingly small act of compassion would turn to a historical moment in the global music industry.  More than that, it turned the world's eyes to the dire plight of the Ethiopians... making many people in the world more conscious of the economic, political and social aspects, and even the scientific aspect, of the famine that they were suffering from.  It was, indeed, an eye-opener for the whole world... one that will change the way we view our global community.

"There's a world outside your window, and it's a world of dread and fear."

Hmmm... of course, Phil Collins had to play the drums.  It's such a natural thing to expect from the man.  But, Sting and Bono, and Boy George and George Michael together... and Duran Duran and Spandau Ballet together?  And Paul Weller and Paul Young, and Bananarama, too? You bet!  And back in the days when they're all in their glorious "big hair" days, too. :) Too good, too good!  Just beautiful.

I say, forget NATO, let's celebrate Band Aid and Live Aid instead!  And then... reality hits.  NATO is here to stay - and, indefinitely, too.  Oh, well....

So, why is this important... to me, that is?  Well, it is very important because most parts of this huge idealism that I carry around like a sack full of bricks rooted from this.  It was when I was watching the live broadcast of this concert on our worn out television that I truly understood what idealism meant!  It was when seeing how these guys who loved what they do turned their joy in doing what they do to something really useful and meaningful.  Everytime I felt lonely in my own "crusade" to make a difference in my workplace, I'd always turned to these guys.  That's how I know that what they did back then had a lasting impact.  And, this is part of the reason why I really believe the '80s was a golden decade... and I'm proud that I was a part of that generation that saw the '80s become such an unforgettable decade.

Hmmm... since I'm now in my happy place, let me make the most of it with this...

"Every little thing the Reflex does must be answered with a question mark..."

Bizarre lyrics, bizarre get up, bizarre dance moves... ah, happiness! :)  

Now, that was good.  Thanks, 'friends'!

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Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the video links.

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Philippines...

...is 'my' Philippines!
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by PAM


If there are things that I consider "worth it" in enduring this incredibly uneventful stretch in the personal 'satisfaction section' of this awfully boring "life" I'm living right now (there, I said it!), one of them would be the opportunity to serve this country that I love.  Since the time I was able to actually dream... I mean, really dream, serving my country has always been up there in my list.  Can you blame me?  I grew up reading books on our national hero, Jose Rizal. And, yeah, having studied in government-owned Elementary and High Schools, where the the daily recitation of Panatang Makabayan (or the Philippine Patriotic Oath) was the norm, did this to me as well! :)  It's almost like a 'romantic relationship'. Then again, what do I know about romantic relationships, especially with an uneventful personal life with no giddy-happy 'episodes' in the 'screenplay' for the rest of the foreseeable future of this boring 'production' I'm in at the moment?!  Man, I don't even see a simple vacation in the horizon - the relaxing kind, and no work connected to it in whatever way - even when I'm already panting with exhaustion here!  

Alright, love of country and rant should not be in the same post.  So, let's start again, shall we? :)        

We need to protect our sovereignty, we need to protect OUR seas!

Two days ago, I had a good opportunity to sit in a symposium on Maritime Security at the Asian Institute of Management (AIM).  It was hosted by the Philippine Navy, in collaboration with the AIM.  I guess it was organized, amid all the issues the Philippines is facing regarding the West Philippine Sea, in order to gather as many representatives of different sectors in the society as possible to duly inform them... and later pitch in for the just and peaceful resolution of the issues.  

Prominent personalities in Philippine politics were there, such as Senator Leticia Ramos-Shahani, Associate Justice Antonio Carpio,  and the former Secretary of the Department of Interior and Local Government (DILG), Rafael Alunan III.  Congressmen Roilo Golez and Francisco Ashley Acedillo are among the four speakers and four reactors who led the discussions, ably moderated by Prof. Mario Antonio Lopez.  The Symposium was more than what I expected... the discussion was relevant, cerebral, and brief but fierce!  Almost the kind of stuff that engineers enjoy participating in.  Nice to speak with soldiers, I guess, particularly the Navy... they go straight to the point, which was nice.  The lawyers in the group are mostly very sharp... more of public servants and social scientists, or business people, rather than 'hardcore' lawyers... so, the discussion went well, and didn't go round-and-round endlessly in a circle. :)  I feel we have accomplished something there... at least, I went home satisfied with my notebook brimming with useful info.  Some plans formed in my head, too, on what the role of engineers and Engineering Education Institutions might be in attaining Maritime Security.  So, yeah, I enjoyed that one.

It looks like I am blessed with another opportunity to serve my country.  Good!  :)  I'll deal with my life's boredom a little later... or, at the same time. :)  Optimism... we gotta have it if we were to survive this tightly 'scripted life'!  I prefer the more spontaneous and relaxed life any day... and I'm going to have it soon - it's happiness!  Optimism....  

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Photo credit:  I took all the photos.

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