Throwback Thursday...

...because the time calls for it.
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by PAM

Oh, boy!  February is about to be over, and March is about to settle in!  And yet, here I am, still working on January-February stuff... even when I sleep very little, and rest has been more scarce these days!  And yet, it's a case of "so, what's new", really! 

All the sleepless nights have been messing me up... I've been getting sick, I feel I'm getting uglier by the day, and looking so much older than my actual age - seriously.  And I've been losing my sense of humor, too... not that I have considerable sense of humor to actually lose though.  But that's the trouble, y'see, whatever little sense of humor I have is disappearing - fast.  It's been quite miserable, sad and funny all at the same time!  But, of course, I am capitalizing on the 'funny' part... and thriving on it - well, as much as possible... and focusing on the faces and voices of the people around who matter more.

To reverse whatever can be reversed, and convert misery back to happiness, I wish to remind myself of what I was like ten years or so ago... of how optimistic I was of life and its beautiful surprises, and how exciting every single day was - because that was how I chose to view it!  This set of photos from ten years and two months ago kind of mirror that indefatigable positive outlook...

...when life's curve balls can't throw you off.

     
There was always enough reason to smile happily about... regardless of the prevailing situation.  I bet there's plenty of reason still today to smile about.  I just need to use the right lenses, take the right perspective, and adopt a constantly positive attitude. And I need to pick out grains of wisdom from the sea of 'junks' around, especially in the social media... focus on the meaningful goal in front of me, be inspired by the joy that their attainment would bring to many people, and set out to conquer them - powered by prayers that are uttered sincerely and wholeheartedly, and propelled by sense of mission and the heartfelt desire to serve... and serve well!  

I think all of this is called love... and being hopeful and faithful to God.  I'm glad that I have kindred spirits among my family and close friends, and these kids whose goodness inspires this sweet inclination to the beauty of life.  


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Photo credit:  Thanks to my sister, Beng Marcelo, for these photos. 

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Joy...

...there is nothing but joy!
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by PAM

Sometimes, no matter how bad you feel - physically, because of sickness, when your heart

is happy and full, and your mind is filled with nothing but beautiful thoughts, despair has

'Love begets love'... or so they say.

no place in your being.  Your body fails, but your spirit keeps soaring... coaxing the mind to ignore the pain, and surge in fruitful activity instead, constantly willing the heart to beat in unison with the pulsing of the brain - happily, joyfully... alive and well!

Such is my experience over the past two days. The body is on its way to an unstoppable decline, suffering from unquenchable thirst - for rest, for respite no matter how brief.  And then, warm messages, so loving and thoughtful, fly in... they are a reflection of the exact same affection that I feel for those who sent them.  And, it feels real and true. 

I became certain then that sickness will be beaten... and that life goes on - for now.

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Valentine's Day 2019...

...is a 'sunny' day! 
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by PAM

Happy Valentine's Day to all! 💘😊🎉

The day is filled with the warmth of sunshine... and that beautiful feeling of loving, and more so... of being loved. Ah, Valentine's Day, you are, indeed, worthy of all the hype!

What makes the gift special are the people who give it, and...

...most especially the shape of their hearts. 

Sunflowers are rarely given on Valentine's Day. Well, at least, sunflower is not the 'classic' Valentine's Day flower gift... although, I must admit that, in my book, it is one very special flower - for all seasons... and reasons. But as a Valentine's flower... perhaps not. First of all, it is yellow, rather than red, which is the color of the

Thanks be to God for Happiness!

heart, passion... and love.  And yet, when there is so much optimism and good cheers in the love - of any kind and form - that binds people together then the sunflower is the most suitable one to symbolize heart's day. Scientifically speaking, sunflower seeds contain mono- and polyunsaturated fatty acids that are good for the heart. 😜😅 In the same way that a 'sunny disposition' symbolized by sunflower sustains true happiness that makes the heart 'swell' and more capable of loving, and accepting love. As such, I feel absolutely blessed to receive sunflowers on Valentine's Day from the very same 'kids' whose love brings out the best in me; from whose love my days thrive over the past year-and-a-half or so... at least, they give me enough reason to keep going these days - no matter how difficult to put one foot  in front of the other to keep moving forward.  No, I have not been counting the days really, because when love is true, it knows no boundaries - real or imaginary... not even time nor place. It just is. And, it's sweet, and it's absolutely beautiful! 

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Video of the day

Something educational - for a change, even when the headline of this blog reads, "just (almost) never about work", and I work in the education sector.

"...we're seeing large concentrations of carbon dioxide accumulate in the atmosphere
each year.  This is contributing to the long-term trend of rising global temperatures."

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Video Credit:  NASA via National Geographic website - thank you.

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Friday Night Music...

...because it's been a while.
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by PAM

It's been an unbelievably challenging week.  Good old plain "grueling" doesn't cut it... it's too 'benign' a word to describe a physically toxic but spiritually fulfilling past seven days.  I don't think that a few hours of not-a-care-in-the-world lie down would do anything to get this poor old shell of mortality back to good-enough-to-go-on state, or to get my spirit that is still soaring up above from incredible state of bliss. Oh, boy!

I need music!  Some rockin' tunes that do not bust the eardrums... fast enough to get attuned to this spirit on cruise mode, with straightforward lyrics but coy enough to keep the imagination going but prevent the mind from overthinking; and soulful enough to soothe this aching shell of a body that's badly beaten and intensely in pain.  There is only one genre that matches my current need for soulful entertainment... and it's country music!  Nope, I am normally not a 'country girl', but lately, my music subconscious has been gravitating towards this storytelling tunes that are so easy to listen to.  And this song caught my attention a few months ago... and I find myself humming it to calm the nerves when the going gets tough.  It's "Play it again" by Luke Bryan... man, I didn't even know who Luke Bryan was until very recently!  I got interested in his songs because they sound like this...

 

🎶 "The next Friday night, we were sittin' out under the stars

You should have seen her smile when I brought out my guitar

She was like, 'oh my God, this is my song

I've been listening to the radio all night long

Sittin' 'round waitin' for it to come on, and here it is'...

...and she said, 'play it again, play it again, play it again'..." 🎶

Isn't that fun?  You can totally imagine how this pretty little thing unknowingly lassoed this guy's heart, and the poor man was an instant captive by his own heart's fall... and willingly, too, in the end!  And it's beautiful that all that lassoing and falling are all within the duration of a song.  It's too good... you just want to fall in love, too!

Ahh... the muscles are untangling, and relaxing now, and it feels ohh, so good!

So, let's do another Luke Bryan, shall we?  How about this... a song that men should listen to... because if they're real, this is how they should be treating their girls, "Crash my party"....

🎶 "If you wanna call me, call me, call me, you don't have to worry 'bout it, baby
You can wake me up in the dead of the night; wreck my plans, baby that's alright.
This is drop everything kind of a thing.
Swing on by, I will pour you a drink.
The door's unlocked, I'll leave on the lights
Baby, you can crash my party anytime...." 🎶

Hmmm... that sounds good, too, isn't it?  But let's move on to something newer... and younger, shall we?  I pick this, "Hello Beautiful" by Noah Schnacky.

🎶 "Hello, beautiful, beautiful...

I got your name, and I got your number

We sat for hours, talkin' to each other

But one night, just wasn't enough

We were all in, fallin' in love...."🎶

And you thought kids should be singing pop songs... but here we are, a young fine man, singing country.  So, yeah, I'm a fan.

Alright, I think my mind, body and soul are all ready for some serious rest... I think the week's worth of work earned me some... and I'm gladly claiming every minute of it! 

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Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the loan of the music videos.

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Saturday Photo + QOTD + Nostalgia + Foodie...

...to make up for lost blogging time.
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by PAM

On communicating feelings, and the connections we make with other people and places in our travels through photographs...

"Travel through the five senses....
What if we talk about how traveling - getting outside ourselves, can...
...touch our hearts (through photographs)?"

- Ethan, 'One Winter Proposal', a Hallmark TV movie

             

My first trip to Italy two years ago, around this time of year, was one of the most unforgettable trips I've taken in my life.  I got to visit Rome, Bologna, Florence, and this charming little town called Cesena, nestled in the Emilia-Romagna Region, in 10 days.  I travelled alone... and I met many people along the way.  They made my journey extra-special... and thoroughly enjoyable - absolutely memorable!

One of the people I met was Cristina.  She was the the owner and Chef of that lovely little restaurant along Via Emilia Ponente, Trattoria Zita, where I had my very first meal in Bologna. Of course, the meal was excellent... and so was the service, and the traditional Italian experience of enjoying eating. Clad simply in understated Italian classy style, complete with olive green apron, the beautiful Cristina met all diners at the door with her lovely smile and warm greetings of welcome. She was very helpful... suggesting food gently and thoughtfully on the menu that her diners might enjoy, especially first time Bologna visitors like myself then.  She had that gift of getting people comfortable and at ease - even those traveling and dining alone, like myself then - telling interesting stories about the Trattoria, its history, and some trivia about Bologna. In our little chatter, while she herself served me with freshly baked bread, butter, cheeses and spices, and as I perused the menu, I learned from her that she was the grand daughter of Zita - the namesake of the Trattoria. Most of the classic recipes of the Trattoria was from Zita, and they simply add to the list... sometimes, using suggestions from diners from different places in the world.

Later, having learned that I am a foodie, she took me to have a peek at what goes on in the kitchen.  I saw how they made their own pasta, tortellini and various signature sauces.  For a first-time foodie visitor of the world's food capital, it was an unforgettable experience, of course... and I will always treasure it in my heart.  In the photo above... Cristina's smile is beautiful, freely and very generously given.  She didn't only touch my heart, but she dug a little cozy space in it for Bologna... and I will always guard and keep it beautiful with warm memories.

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As 'good' as Good Friday...

A cry for attention... help? 

"Sometimes, all they really need is just a little hug." 

I remember a doctor saying that when I found myself lying on a narrow bed at the Emergency Room of a hospital, surrounded by a bunch of students in their own narrow hospital beds, in various stages of physical and emotional torment - mostly the latter, judging from how their faces were contorted by pain that no doctor or nurse can seem to repair with their 'magic touch' and 'magic potions'.  It was one of the peculiar experiences that international students such as myself that time contend with... living away from home, family and close friends, and not having enough support system in exploring that 'wild vastness' where knowledge are buried, waiting to be unearthed with sweat, blood and tears!  But I was ancient... and those students were young... fragile and vulnerable, even as they exude confidence and grit.

Kids these days... they tire easily - from what they do, from all the noise around them, from what's demanded of them, from what's expected of them, from all the happy photos that they need to take and post on social media platforms, from all the posts that they're expected to 'like' and affix a heart to just in case they get left out... from 'life' itself. And yet, is this what's life have become now? A story on an e-wall? A story so eye-catching and jealous-worthy of a life... that does not breathe. And in one heave of a desperate gasp for breath - for life... the 'story' crumbles, and its owner unmasked... revealing a death so 'blank' and empty... a death so unworthy of death itself because it did not know life in the first place?!

But what does one do when a cry for help comes howling in the sad silence of night... echoing one's own silent desperation?  How does one reach out to comfort another... when all one desperately needs is the same comforting, too... no matter how little, no matter how meager... just an ounce of comforting touch to lend a spark of life?  What if 'good old sleep' is no longer enough... to mend a life that deteriorated so badly to mere survival... fading so sadly to mere existence?  How does one keep a strong façade to prod others to keep going when, inside, one is so empty from sheer exhaustion, too - physically, mentally, emotionally... while the spirit struggles to keep the heart beating in a fair semblance of life... against one's hollow chest.  

Drowning. How does one stay afloat against the smashing waves and violent current?

Help.  Is there help... at all?

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Saturday photo

Lorelai and Rory:
The calm before the storm... as history takes aim at repeating itself.

It's amazing how life sometimes takes a 'sharp turn', takes you by surprise as it does... and then stuns you with a gentle force that wakes you up from your deep slumber in blind acceptance of what you believe is your fate in the confines of your dwindling self-worth. And life does shake you up with what it has in store for you... just waiting at the corner.  And then you feel the caking blanket of acceptance that's enveloping you like a cemented cocoon cracks, and gently falls off, one little dried chip of cemented complacency at a time.  Slowly, you feel that you are able to breathe comfortably again, and the relief is astonishing! And you can't believe how long you have been holding your breath, waiting to exhale.  As the dried cake continues to fall off, you slowly hear, and feel, your heart beat again.  And you feel suddenly alive - again!

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That familiar sound of witty banter

I had this wonderful chance of re-living the early 2000s - thanks to Netflix, where my pop culture memory is dominated by that epic of a TV series, Gilmore Girls.  It's the only thing that can eclipse the memory of the 'changing of guards' in the tennis world, also in the early 2000s, as Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi were being edged off by that genius Swiss Maestro, Roger Federer, whose brilliance is only challenged by that 17-year-old force of nature from Spain, Rafael Nadal.  Gilmore Girls was one heck of a TV series!  The witty banters - episode after episode, were unparalleled; and the mix of drama and humor is nothing else but a stroke of rare perfection that one would think it was penned from heaven itself!  

In a way, watching the mother-daughter tandem of the single mother, Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham), and her only daughter, Rory Gilmore (Alexis Bledel), whom she had at the age of seventeen years, unleash their unparalleled wit in brilliant banters was very much like watching tennis.  It was always as if the players were engaged in an exciting rally that, in the end, it didn't really matter who won the point because you were entertained tremendously anyway!  You just felt lucky to see the ball being 'battered' in relentless effort from the players to never allow it to bounce out of the court.  Add to the two young Gilmore girls Lorelai's mother, Emily Gilmore (Kelly Bishop), whose ability to win an argument, even when she was always fighting a lost cause, was outstanding... and, yes, bewildering at the same time, and you got yourself a real treat!  Add to the mix, the snotty concierge at Lorelai's Independence Inn, and later, Dragonfly Inn, Michel Gerard (Yanic Truesdale), and you've got yourself a popcorn-worthy, slumber party TV marathon material -  complete with Mickey Mouse socks!  The banter-filled script was superb - in every single episode!  And yet, what good is a great script if the actors cannot keep the ball flying, and leave the audience either open-mouthed in awe... or bursting at the seams in convulsed laughter?  I say, the casting was a work of a genius, too.

Anyway, after a "hell" of a week, and the week before, too... with only a couple of hours of sleep each night - maximum - it is, indeed, an incredible gift to re-discover an old fave!  I'm in love again! 

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Wake up call... from the girls

But what made the time with my fave TV girls fantastic was the fact that they led me to a glorious epiphany!

I've been dragging myself from one week to the next, struggling to fuel myself with enough inspiration to keep going... trying to convince myself every single morning, when I wake up, that the struggle, while painful, is worth it!  It is a good thing that I have these beautiful kids that I love to bits who give me enough reason to keep smarting off from the painful struggle, giving meaning to what I do in my workplace - every single day.  Whenever I begin wishing to be anywhere else but in my workplace, I think of them... and the thought that they might just be outside my Office, and seeing me not giving my 100% scares me because I never ever want to be a bad example to them.  And, so I gather whatever little scraps of inspiration I can find, and move the day to productivity.  With prayers - lots of it, and the good people around me, I always manage to have a satisfying day... never mind that, some people see us in my Office as their workhorses that they can kick around to perform stuff for them.  Indeed, people can be very demanding and incredibly arrogant like that sometimes!

And yet, it makes me think... why do I feel that what I do, while important and meaningful, and my Team and I were able to accomplish unprecedented things in the history of our Institution, is becoming more and more of a burden rather than a joy?  Perhaps, with all the varied challenges we face, the bulk of work has become physically impossible to perform without enough assistance.  So, the joy that I used to get from reflecting over our work vanished because there hardly is time to pause and rest these days, leaving a time for reflection to be next to absolute impossibility! 

Speaking of reflection, almost a decade after the end of the original series, a sequel to the original Gilmore Girls was distributed by Netflix, "Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life".  It was a four-part mini series that updated fans with the whereabouts and goings-on in the lives of our fave girls.  It was surprising to find out that the now 35-year-old Rory, while a success in Yale, was hopping from one 'gig' of a job to another.  And she was without her own place.  Her love relationships were messy, too!  And, while she struggled to put her life together, with the transitions in the lives of Lorelai and Emily in the background, it led me to my own reflection, too. 

I was going to do great things after Cornell!  I believe... I did, too.  At least, that's what the facts and numbers in my workplace say.  And, yet, I do not feel like I have fully utilized the 'tanks and tanks' of knowledge and experience that Cornell loaded me with while I was with them... just like Rory was nurtured to do great things by Yale during her time there.

And now, I am 'restless'... the 'tanks' are about to 'explode' on their own, they want to be 'opened and emptied'... because they want a 're-fill'... perhaps, in another Ivy League Institution, or its equivalent somewhere else.  In the last installment of the four-part sequel of Gilmore Girls, Rory decided to work on her own 'tanks'... had an epiphany on the 'best place' to do so, and she dropped everything to get there!  Once there, 'greatness' just poured out in beautiful waves of delectable brilliance... and the result is bound to become a masterpiece.  So, all was well again for Rory!

I desperately need to be in my own 'best place' to open my 'tanks', 'empty' them... and 're-fill', too.  And that is the reason why what I do has become a burden, it is preventing me from getting to where I should go.  And yet, I understand that my realities are not as simple as Rory's scripted life.  Therefore, I continue to pray.

At the very end of the Gilmore Girl's sequel, just when you think that all is well, Rory revealed a secret to Lorelai that was bound to make history repeat itself. I do not have such kind of secret. Uh, wait... maybe I do have, too?! ;)

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Image credit:  The photo was a mobile phone shot from the 4th episode of the Gilmore Girls sequel - thanks, Netflix.

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Wednesday Nostalgia

A legendary couple: greying... but not fading in brilliance.
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by PAM

And we thought we've seen the last of Robert Redford and Jane Fonda on celluloid screen sometime back.  But, no, it simply is not possible for these two to rest on their laurel, and watch time pass them by.  They ventured into another film... not a masterpiece, alright, but it's able to spread the warmth that only brilliance in acting can do in a film buff's heart, that's for sure.  The film is "Our Souls at Night", produced and distributed by Netflix in 2017. To date, it garnered 89% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, based on 38 critics' review.

"I just want to live out my day

and then come to tell you about it at night."

While I am not a Netflix sort of a person... until recently, that is, I am thankful that films like this could be enjoyed with just a few clicks on one's laptop, or smart phone, and allow nostalgia to spread its warm blanket around one, especially when the nostalgic feels involve the glorious Sundance kid and the 'original workout queen', Barbarella. 

The film is based on the novel of the same title by Kent Haruf, which I haven't read, so I can't really compare the film and the book. I just know that the film version's plot is very simple and straight-forward. It was about two lonely people of advanced age with tangled pasts that needed undoing, making sleep a bit troubled at night.  Addie (Jane Fonda's character) boldly offered Louis (Robert Redford's character) to share her bed - in platonic company, to make sleep come easier, to which Louis agreed, albeit very reluctantly at first.  Later, friendship developed... and love  blossomed.  The plot was easy enough to follow and rationalize... and the pace was good that, I'm sure, the audience can feel how the bond of friendship was slowly forming between Addie and Louis, and how affection started to precipitate from all the honesty of bearing their souls to each other at night, which eventually bloomed to love and loyalty to each other.

I'm not quite impressed with the quality of direction courtesy of Ritesh Batra, a young Indian film Director from Mumbai. I think that so much of Redford's and Fonda's genius in acting were not quite 'optimized'... those long shots, for instance, when the visibly ambivalent Addie came to Louis's home to make the 'sleeping together' proposal, did not help. Fonda obviously tried to conjure the perfect blend of courage, daring and weirdness that led her Addie to Louis's door to pop the odd 'proposal'. Considering that that was the 'trunk' from which all the interesting 'branches' of the story sprang from, it was weak and almost unremarkable. How I longed to see all the facial muscles and expressive eyes of these great actors convey the depth of their feelings... and emotions that the scene was so worthy of!  The long shots wasted the supposed profundity of the scene and the incredible depth of the actors to lend the needed genius to make the scene something to celebrate about by film lovers in the many years to come. Batra missed the opportunity to make that happen, and it was almost heartbreaking!  And yet, the Redford temper and self-control, conveyed so vividly through facial expressions that didn't need a single word, was so beautifully captured in that scene where his Louis was being made fun of by his men friends over the 'sleeping with Addie' gossips. His jaws just tightened... he sighed, stood up, and walked away - taking with him all that angst, a supposed perfect blow on one of his man friends' gloating face, and the eruption of bottled outburst to express protective instinct for and loyalty to Addie.  Just genius!

Yes, if only to watch Redford and Fonda shine acting greatness, this film is so worth those 103 minutes of a film lover's life.

Review Summary: Go for it!


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Image credit: Screen capture from the IMDb website - thanks!

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Saturday photo

Kicking off shoes for a bit...
...to reflect and appreciate life - how beautiful, how precious it is. 

There are times when life surprises you with a teriffic beauty... leaving you breathless in incredible awe! When such luck presents itself, the response is clear and simple: give in! Kick off your shoes, and just allow yourself to be lost in the beauty in front of you... let your senses depart as you dance in complete abandon... barefoot!  And as you do, it is best to just enjoy the moment to the fullest... like it will never come again! 

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About the photo: The photo featured in this post was taken at the Spanish Bay in 17 Mile Drive in Carmel, California on my most recent visit in August 2018.

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