When you say...

...nothing at all.
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by PAM


I admit, I can unleash a good string of venomous words... but only when provoked - never willingly, only when provoked by an enraging circumstance and/or frustrated by being in the receiving end of a grossly unjust treatment and/or illogical reasoning by one that just offended me terribly regardless whether purposely or not.  I know, that sounds like a 'string' of lame excuses. Let's just say that I have trouble 'turning the other cheek' sometimes, and that I can't stand arrogant idiots (sorry!) who think so highly of themselves and lazy idiots who refuse to make effort to digest and understand what is being said to them and just do whatever is convenient regardless whose feelings get hurt,

Growing in wisdom can sometimes seem like 
a long and winding road; patience, especially
in one's self, is key to achieving success. 

and who gets thrown in the lion's den to be shredded to pieces.  Okay... did I just admit to being an arrogant idiot myself? Uhm... very sorry. 

A few weeks ago, I was in a 'tangle'... because I put my capability to unleash venomous words to work and, indeed, I was 'awesome' at it!  Bitter sarcasm, hurting words that pierce the heart, insulting words that smash ego, and a dash of 'fancy' words that hinted desire for a closure in a once valued relationship... name your 'fave venom', and I got 'em all in there in a perfect 'cocktail' of bad, bad judgment in the form of well-organized venomous metaphor! Of course, I was 'hungover' the following day!  And when the dizziness subsided, and good judgment illuminated the mind again, then my own heart broke, seeing those pools of tears, drops of blood from a badly wounded heart, and fragments of shattered ideals all over the floor of my 'house of relationships'. So, I had to make amends... in perfect humility and contrition, stripped completely with all sorts of pride. That was possible because love made it so. 

That very moment when contrition was being expressed, my mind got refreshed again of what love truly meant... and what the song "Only love can break your heart" was actually about. And, after taking an agonizing but much needed break from that beautiful bond of perfect love, the pool of tears slowly faded, the wounded hearts slowly healed - hopefully, restored to how they were. Or, better still, yielding brand new hearts that are more

Love is an explosion of colors, amazing 
in variety and intensity, blended in a 
tapestry of breathtaking beauty. 

resilient, more understanding and yielding to the beloveds' happiness, and with room for indiscriminate acceptance of the imperfections of the ones loved... much like the characters of the genius, Daniel Day-Lewis, and Vicky Krieps in the brilliant 2017 film, "Phantom Thread" (91% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes)... but not necessarily in a romantic sort of love narrated in the film, but love of deep friendship between kindred spirits who feel mutual happiness in seeing the other find and enjoy personal happiness.

A few days ago... I was at it again. Burdened by physical and mental fatigue - from all the deep thinking of what to do next after turning 50 years old, and from all the physical activities that were meant to offer a little distraction from all the staggering thinking and weighing of pros and cons of various options, I failed to connect with the 'playful' expression of love and affection. I mistakenly interpret the 'playfulness' to an insult, a sarcasm that belittles what I thought was sincere love - distilled to purity by the ups and downs shared, slamming it to a mere toxic gaseous product of digestion gone bad. So, the venoms floated in my head... but, learning from previous experience, even in extreme frustration and pain, I managed to 'dress up' the

Love is as refreshing as the morning breeze.

venoms with benign words that almost sounded like carefully distilled wisdom - concise and to-the-point.  And, I think, the message reached the other heart in a dizzying blow, but without wounding it nor bruising it.  And, it was its turn to make amends. No words were said... just complete silence that was more profound than any word could ever express.  But I felt the tenderness of the expression of sincere contrition. And, when words were finally spoken, it was like blowing the dust from a plank of wood, revealing words of love carefully engraved on it.

Now, I truly believe, when words are no longer urgently needed to express the profundity of various beautiful and intense feelings... then there is love, and it's real and true. And, it's so utterly beautiful.


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Image credits:  I own all the photos, which were (1) taken at Glasgow Botanic Garden in Glasgow, Scotland, (2) a piece of my bed cover, and (3) taken at the Spanish Bay in the scenic 17 Mile Drive, along the Pacific Coast in California.

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