A final quarterfinal... for now = turning point

“They all come to an end at some stage. You hope they don't happen, but they do. It was a great run...."

- Roger Federer, after being overcome by the rising tennis superstar from Sweden, Robin Soderling, in the 2010 French Open Men's Quarterfinals, right at the center stage of Roland Garros' red clay.

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by Philipina A. Marcelo


I think I know what RF means... yeah, I really think I do!

But, oh, no, no, no... I'm nowhere near RF's star streaked professional path - not even remotely close... not even in my wildest dreams - oh, no, not at all! But I know what it's like to be pitted right on a track where you're expected to work like an unfeeling human dynamo, delivering the goods to some people's delight without a question, when all you really want to do is enjoy life's gifts and see how far you could reach with all your cylinders fired up and blazing. Of course, in the beginning everything is fun and fulfilling - the adrenalin rush, the excitement, the laughter, the challenge of clearing formidable hurdles... and the conquest! And you keep going, tasting success, savoring it... pushing further - driven by impossible dreams and good intentions, powered by idealism, sustained by prayers and faith.

And then just when you're about to yell your gut out from all the exhilarating run, life suddenly becomes merely about satisfying people's expectations! Sometimes, the expectations are reasonable and worth the efforts, and you feel compelled to commit and go for them... but in most cases, they are just utterly ridiculous! It becomes sad when life is taken over by seemingly compelling reasons to oblige... luring you to wander away from the roots of your happiness - love. And then, when reasons become non-reasons, then the whole experience becomes just a tragedy... and you float like an empty shell with the shallowest reason for existing. And you just wanna get out... the sad thing is, exits are not conveniently accessible - they never are... and so, you grope for them blindly, stumbling miserably, and without any help from people whose gruesome hunger you fed in those days of naivety.

Fortunately, it is during these moments when love comes to your rescue... taking you by the hand, guiding you out of your misery, and out of your nightmares! And then life becomes rosy once again... and you know that's where you want to stay. Of course, you have gone through so much to know that it will not always be as rosy, but it's easier to imagine that it would always be a happier place, therefore, it's worth devoting one's life to. And so, everything else becomes just a memory. The achievements still bring an awesome feeling of rush and exhilaration whenever you think of them just because you have accomplished all of them very well - even under extremely discouraging circumstances - with the best intentions in mind, and with deserving people thriving from the fruits of your labor... but that's all that they ever will be - just memories. And it feels just about right - perfect, in fact!

***

For the first time since 2002, I missed seeing Roger Federer in action in a Grand Slam Quarterfinals - it's a tennis fan sacrilege, I know! Dang! ;) But I had no choice, I had to satisfy a few expectations - not very unreasonable, but they still interrupt living, obviously! :) I had time to listen to RF's interview after his QF match though... and it's amazing to see how relaxed he was (not a single tear fell, hehe...), taking on questions about his unsuccessful QF run against the same opponent who tried and failed to stop him last year in winning his first ever French Open title - the rising Swede tennis superstar, Robin Soderling - the same guy who masterfully ousted the King of Clay himself, Rafael Nadal, last year from his very own kingdom in the City of Lights!

Maybe RF's composure come from being on top of a heap of incredible talents in men's tennis for the longest time now and from earning an iconic place in the tennis world as possibly the best player the world has ever seen. When one gets to a place like that, it must be easier to be experiencing defeat... just because those experiences no longer send questions on one's capabilities. They are mere glitches as a person like El Maestro, whose sublime talent and intrinsic genius is recognized by everyone, pushes his engine to its limits until its mileage is exhausted beautifully and good!

Still, maybe RF can afford to joke and give just a gentle shrug - almost nonchalant - as Soderling marches on to the semis because at the back of his head, with his new role as a father to beautiful twin girls and a husband to an obviously devoted and supportive wife, there is life after professional tennis! And maybe, pursuing such life would be as exhilarating as amassing Grand Slam titles at a rate that no one else could probably surpass in the future... and so, at this point, RF can afford to sit back and watch Robin Soderling battle it out with Rafa Nadal in the formidable red clay of Roland Garros, while he imagines hanging up his professional tennis racquet in a not-so-distant future? While my tennis fan's heart grieves over that, I can only wish RF the very best when he decides to do that... afterall, it has been a GREAT RUN - unparalled in its awesome glory! While that will become just a memory in the future, it will be a great memory - for him and his multitude of fans.

***

Now that an old phase is coming to a close in my own career, I cannot help but wonder about Roger's run. While I certainly do not feel sadness or regret as I watch the end loom in the horizon, it's hard to rummage through tons and tons of memories, throwing away those that will wear my heart down as I move on, and keeping those that will give greater meaning in welcoming and pursuing this new phase that's about to unfold. I can't even lament the lost time when I think about those kids and their loved ones who might have benefited from my years of idealistic idiocy! I'm just too happy to see them all successful and excited about their own careers now... but, just the same, the idiocy has got to come to an end. And it will... and that's that.

Just thinking about the prospects of new beginnings brings immeasurable happiness... it's pure joy just to commence it! I do not only bring with me "awakened idealism", good intentions, faith and the benefits of great experiences as I navigate this approaching new phase, but I also bring wisdom that sprang from wonderful lessons learned... and, more importantly, I know it will bring me closer to a place I have been longing for - that place that will lay down my roots in the soil of this new phase - love. In that place, there will be no sad experience that will tear my heart apart - never again. And that's where I will stay... to take roots, to grow and flourish, until such time when all but love alone perish to mere memories once more.

Fourteen years... hundreds of students... hundreds of engineers, most of them chemical engineers - all successful now! Whew! And yeah, it may have reached the end but it absolutely has been a great run! And with a few more new concepts I'll be leaving behind as I prepare to fly, it will be an awesome finish, too! And, I certainly am all set and fired up for the next lap... so bring it on! :)


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Love is...

... the order of the day!

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by Philipina A. Marcelo


Aaaaww!

I have been a BIG fan - HUGE - of the heart-warming cartoon panel "Love is..." for more than four years now! I usually begin my day by reading the Gospel and then looking at the "Love is..." panel for the day. :) More often than not, my daily mood and productivity are somewhat positively influenced by how cute the panel was. :) It keeps me company all day, like a pretty rainbow behind the clouds of challenges on many fronts as the day progresses. The panel's magic is mostly rendered by its association with a beloved one... the one in whose heart-imprinted abode I used to find solace and immense joy.

I'm really, really busy right now, trying to beat a thousand and one deadlines... but today's panel is extremely cute, I just can't help myself... had to take a few minutes and write about it! :) While I have a number of favorites over the years, what makes today's panel more special and meaningful than others for me is that I have been hoping and envisionng the exact same thing in the drawing for the last how many months now... but I have been wondering whether it's still possible to be "where I want to be" after all these months of putting "the place" under "urgent professional stuff" in my stack of priorities as I ran all day - everyday - trying to beat these sickening deadlines, hoping they were all for keeping the fire of idealism burning... squeezing out what's left of selflessness, to be of service to humanity in whatever way possible... so that love would become even more meaningful in the end. Riding the dizzying professional twister, I did not realize how far away I strayed from what my heart truly desires though. But alas, I've had enough of running around - chasing things that are, at the end of the day, utterly meaningless to me! I know that now... I just hope it isn't too late... that I am not too late.

A few days ago, with my decision to stop this unnecessary wandering, I have been seriously figuring out a way to retrace my steps toward "the place"... only to see that someone else seemed to have claimed my place there. Naturally, the sorrow drained my energy, and it made me float like an eggshell - unfeeling and empty. :( I have been sluggishly moving about, uninspired and without passion... just going through the motion. And then, I saw this panel... and I realized, of course, it IS POSSIBLE to reclaim my place! And you can bet your bottom dollar that I will reclaim it! :) And I'd be where I want to be! So, help me, love! :)


Cartoon panel credit: Love is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey. (http://www.gocomics.com/loveis/)

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Something happens… and I’m head over heels!

"Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure, nothing ever lasts forever..."
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by Philipina A. Marcelo


Tears for Fears Live in Manila!!

After more than a quarter of a century since I first heard them hit the airwaves and saw them sing their hit songs via music video, I finally saw them perform – LIVE - last May 2, 2010 in a soldout concert at the Araneta Coliseum... yes, in Manila… and with my sisters, too! :) It was the most eventful 2010 evening for me so far - awesome!

Straight from memory lane, it seemed, Tears for Fears, or simply TFF to their fans, burst into the Philippine sky and fell right on the centerstage of Araneta Coliseum in front of a TFF-hungry "80's Manila crowd"! As soon as the first note sounded from the keyboard, everybody knew TFF didn't come to Manila just to talk about the weather... or did they??

They didn't run in circles, they hit the ground sprinting with 'Mad World'... naturally the crowd went TOTALLY MAD! And then they followed it up with 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World' without leaving a breather... and the breathless crowd almost brought Araneta Coliseum down to the ground! And, there was no turning back after that!

Roland Orzabal then slowed the phase down to say hello to the screaming Manila crowd... and his greeting drowned completely in the thundering noise in the Big Dome. Curt Smith took his turn, greeting Manila with "Mabuhay", and the crowd went wild... all I heard were my sisters screaming, "I love you, too!" Er, huh?? Yeah, both sisters are married - and their husbands were left at home! =)

With one foot in the past, the duo treated their fans with 'comforting and familiar' as well as brand new TFF songs. Roland and Curt each played songs from their solo ventures as well... you can totally hear the distinct boldness and metaphor in Roland's music and the melancholy quality of Curt's, wrapped in an endearingly soothing voice... and the crowd can't get enough of both! By the time they played the intro to 'Sowing the Seeds of Love', Araneta Coliseum was roaring, and it totally shook the Big Dome. Roland Orzabal did the slow version of 'Billie Jean', as in Billie.Jean of Michael.Jackson, in his signature booming angry voice. That drove one sister crazy! And she's always composed, so you can just imagine how that went! =) Something happened... and I think I COMPLETELY DIED somewhere between 'Pale Shelter' and 'Head Over Heels'... yeah, they sang those two hallmark TFF songs, one after another - relentless! Curt and Roland didn't have to sing much in 'Shout' or 'Woman in Chains' - we did most of the shouting, er, singing! =) We completely let it all out! The crowd was INCREDIBLE... the bottled up excitement for TFF music that got unleashed with a vangeance after more than a quarter of a century was dizzying - in a good way!! So worth the wait! =) Naturally, Curt and Roland were overwhelmed by the response. Roland wondered aloud why on earth haven't they traveled earlier to Manila when they traveled so many times to the Americas and countless European cities to perform, and here was this mob of TFF fans waiting for them to give some love, but getting only pale shelter for nearly three decades! But that evening of May 2, 2010, the performers and the audience were lost in admiration for each other - and no heart was broken either!

My 20-year old niece who just saw Justin Timberlake perform at the Mall of Asia arena went to watch the TFF concert with us and she was rendered completely speechless by the crazed crowd of mostly thirty- to forty-something, with tears fillin' up their glasses, singing with TFF with absolutely flawless lyrics! Her mouth fell open and stayed like that the whole time, shaking her head, not understanding. She's a music enthusiast, too... but I don't know... maybe one has to be an 80's person to have a real appreciation of the profound lyrics and unique sound of songs in that glorious era - TFF's lyrics are, without a doubt, among the most brilliant and thought-provoking in the 80's. The danceable tempo of TFF sound and the unique moves that went with it are simply one of a kind (check out the video of 'Mad World' for instance). In fact, I yelled their songs a lot and danced a lot in their concert - can't help myself there... I tried, but no dice! But hey... 300,000 calories spent and 6 lbs. gone in two hours... maybe more - nope, not complaining!!! =)

Before going to the concert, a friend of mine warned me about how one entertainment writer called a recent concert by TFF in the Bay Area as "disappointing". So, I didn't have great expectations. My sisters and I were just too keen to see two of our music heroes in the 80's, and we didn't really care if they faltered and messed up a few notes here and there. But surprise, surprise! They sounded almost exactly the same as we remembered after more than 20 years of absence - just AWESOME! I can't imagine 'disappointing' and 'TFF' in the same sentence after seeing them perform like that! :) Pure fun - absolutely unbelievable! :)

We went to grab smoothies in our favorite coffee shop after the concert to cool down and rehydrate. It was like coming out of the gym from an exhilarating workout... only that one had our brains working out as well... what with TFF's timeless metaphor - no need for gentle persuasion. And, because Roland and Curt taught us a long time ago that nothing ever lasts forever, we made the most of our momentary freedom from grown-up responsibilities, and allowed ourselves to get totally eightyfied! And, it felt good! Oh, sooo good! :)


Photo credits: Photos 1, 3, 4, 5, 6: Janzen Poala Marie Marcelo (the niece...she's not in any of the photos, of course! Hehe...); Photo 2: Grace Marcelo-Go

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Blogging…

… without the bludgeoning of circumstance!
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by Philipina A. Marcelo


Some people ask why I don’t blog more about work-related stuff.

Why, indeed? Well, it’s because I am against thinking about work whenever I sit in front of my “personal computer” to blog or to visit my favorite social networking site – Facebook – to relax, unwind, and connect with friends in the cyberspace.

Not so long ago, after learning how my health was being adversely affected by too much stress from work, I resolved that I will give myself relaxation time EVERYDAY and it will NOT involve work in any way! I will work hard every single day, but when I leave my workplace for the day, I leave work right there and will be back to it in the morrow. I will not bring it with me at home, and if I did - for some compelling reasons, I certainly would not sleep with it! :)

Blogging for me is a much needed break from the pressure at work – it’s a relaxation activity, therefore, it shouldn’t involve work. It’s a way to disintegrate myself from the “professional harness” for a little bit and think more freely… and even loosely, like a “normal” human being, and still trying to be responsible that what I blog about would not be detrimental to my professional life. In other words, when I blog, I’m just “Philip” and not Prof. Philipina A. Marcelo, Ph.D. - yes, I am putting a distinction between those two, too... no matter what the Education Law says! ;)

In the classroom, while I enjoy talking about Daniel Bernoulli’s equation in my Fluid Mechanics lectures, usually allowing myself to go on an inviscid "academic trance" - allowing my soul and parts of my heart to show themselves - while discussing its applications using a few episodes of Star Trek as illustrations... in my blogs, I’d rather talk about Yiruma’s music and how it is beautifully punctuated with the glory of falling in love! In the lab, while the various functionalities of whey proteins continue to leave me in awe that they usually make me lose my sense of time, I’d much rather talk about prayers and wishful thinking in my blogs – they keep my ideals intact and renew my positive views on things, which are always in danger of erosion given the enormous "shear stress" at work. In the University, while I am very vocal about my opinion that teaching and research must be pursued with equal sense of responsibility, and that I believe that those who insist that a profession in the Academia only involved coming to class from 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM, teaching with 20-year old lecture notes - and that’s it - are underserving of their tenure... I’d much rather talk about Bella Swan’s one true love – the beautiful Edward Cullen – in my blog! Why? Because there are things, like love and hope, that I’d rather feel more abundantly in my private life… which are scarce in the workplace. And, maybe they should be, too, actually?! :)

Come to think of it, perhaps it's only the admin part of my job that really constitute the irritating harness, and the rest constitute natural inclinations. And yet, while I try to fulfill my responsibilities in the workplace with much reverence for my profession and for sincerely caring about people and institutions that depended on it, it isn’t the same professional experience that I'm looking for. Nevertheless, I stay where I am right now - for now - because I love my profession and the university that I serve, especially the students - they are brilliant, but most of them cannot afford the more expensive places that promise cutting-edge education. And because luck has afforded me such an experience, I thought I could bring it to them. I’m still hoping that change would come in my present workplace - for the students' sake, and for the country's sake... and when it finally does, I know it’s going to be a meaningful one. In the depths of my soul, I know that that is going to be soon enough. And then, I will move on... freedom will finally be mine! In the meantime, the contradictions make up the “professional harness” that can sometimes drain one’s energy... but I don’t have to let them drain my energy. This is why, when I leave my workplace, I choose to surround myself with the emotional sustenance and joy that one only gets when he or she is “normal” and carefree, not restrained by the harness. And so, I write about other things... the more substantial things, which my soul yearns for – in earnest - to strengthen my shield against frustration!

Some may argue that if you liked, or loved, your profession then whatever you do would never be about (hard)work. While that is generally true, it may not necessarily apply to everything about work – there’s always a few exceptions, even trade-off, I think. For instance, I love teaching… it brings me indescribable joy to see how my students’ faces lit up everytime something seem to make sense for them in my lectures - it makes all the hardwork of preparing for a lecture so worth it… but grading papers is a torture for me, and having to deliberate whether a kid fails or not is an unbelievable torment! Also, while it brings me happiness and sense of fulfillment to be envisioning a great future for my workhome, making plans to make it happen, and executing the plan – no matter how hard, and sometimes against all odds, too – and seeing it through to the finish line together with wonderful colleagues, it annoys me to be dealing with smug, uncooperative, narrow-minded and complacent people, especially when they wouldn’t even explain themselves… they just wouldn’t cooperate, and that’s it! I try very hard to remind myself, convince myself even, that all the negative attitude is nothing personal, and merely due to lack of exposure and experience to draw wisdom from... making them fall into the ugly pit of complacency without realizing, in uber smugness and utter ignorance, that they did! This shouldn't bother me too much, except that when they go down, they bring the whole workplace down with them! And therefore those who knew better should keep striving to be extra patient... and keep going, just to balance things out and keep the place afloat. But sometimes, frustration gets the better of me, too...

Oops, aggravation! STOP!

See? This is precisely why I don’t blog about work! ;)

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The river flows in...

...YouTube!
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by Philipina A. Marcelo



No, I don't live in a cave or something... in fact, I live right in the heart of a modern and among the busiest Megacities in the world today! I'm some kind of a techie, too, but for some reason, I haven't really caught the YouTube fever until recently... I guess, I simply wasn't the YouTube kind of a person, and I can't explain why not either when (almost) everyone who has a computer and internet access is hooked to YouTube somehow these days... and I have two laptops and a netbook, and am usually on-line, too! =) Although it's the lamest excuse, I'd say, it's probably my crazy schedule... or my aversion to anything where respect for intellectual property rights and/or privacy is not crystal clear? But I came across a video of the extremely talented Yiruma playing "River flows in you" on YouTube, and it turned me to an instant YouTube believer. Hot, hot... hot!

The music is absolutely beautiful... I love the varying melodic texture and the swing of emotions that it invokes. It's just lovely how the melody starts with some sort of uncertainty and doubt, going back and forth... and then somehow finds its rhythm and picks up to a seemingly unstoppable surge of powerful emotion... and flows beautifully to an astonishingly sweet melody that I'm pretty sure can only be inspired by love... and falling in love. The melody then rushes to amplify the feeling and the sweetness in the air where its waves touched it. While the sweet melody brings you achingly close to touching love with the very tip of your finger, feeling it, tasting it in the air around you, the melody slows down so painstakingly... once again doubting - to a point of vulnerability... looking for answers to unknown questions, asking for reassurance. And then, with another surge of energy, defiance and musical emotion, the doubt is overcome... and the music again flows towards the sweetness of loving... and then it turns tender and peaceful, but so full of conviction... so sure of its course, so sure of its intentions, its wants and its very existence... the fervor to carry the melody home to its sweetest conclusion is almost tangible, the rush almost sweeps you off your feet - absolutely exhilarating! Like the sincerest of whispered prayers, the music then slowly plays, as if one is professing love and devotion to a beloved. And then it picks up to a joyful cadence of victory... and then slowly, solemnly, it winds down to a breathtakingly tender and oh, so beautiful finish. It just leaves you breathless and wanting for more, and you just can't help yourself - exactly like falling in love!

Yiruma is such an incredible talent! Watching him play "River flows in you" via YouTube, made me think it's so ridiculously sweet how his unlined face still contorts - obviously, emotionally taken - at various points in the piece when he must've already played it a million times by now! As if the beauty of his music wasn't enough, how he throws his body backward, or leans forward, or tilts his head to the side until it touched his shoulder to contain the towering waves of emotion as they impact his soul is just totally beautiful to watch! Hmm... if one could only embrace a melody. Oh, well....

Alright, Steve Chen, Chad Hurley and Jawed Karim... here's an extremely late confession: I hate you for your extraordinary genius that makes most of humanity - especially my kind - feeling like idiots ;), but thanks for your vision, and your boldness to turn it to reality that is YouTube. Now, I can watch Yiruma anytime of the day... and savor the sweetness of falling in love again and again, too! :) And, if only for that, I think that in spite of my hatred for you, I'm a big fan! :) I don't know how that could be possible, but hey, you guys are the genius ones, so go figure! :)

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Photos: (1) "Two for the Lake", taken at the Seneca Lake (Geneva front) in Geneva, NY (October 2005); (2) "Sail-fish", taken at the Cayuga Lake in Ithaca, NY (May 2007).
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Power retreat...

...is a bliss!
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by Philipina A. Marcelo


Who was it who said that 'sometimes the most beautiful places we can find are in our minds'?

I love it when I could just retreat to a far away place in the middle of a crazy day, shielded from the glare of dark thoughts and ill vibrations around... recuperating from the deep stabs of disappointments with comforting little sighs of prayer... pausing for a moment just to savour the sweet embrace of dear silence... blocking the chaos, allowing the mind to go momentarily numb from frenzied, energy-zapping glee... resting the mind in one precious moment of peace... gently rocking back and forth to the peaceful rhythm of calm heartbeat, delighting quietly in sweet memories... tasting serenity with clean, crisp air... a thoughtless stare on a blank space, or better yet, closing the eyes and letting the gentle rays of the sun caress the face, renewing life with their warmth... clear sky, just listening to the murmur of the wind as it dances and swirls around the fine feathers of a bird's wing on a flight... gulping the sparkling bliss of rare tranquility – priceless!

Annoyance, why do you exist? Sincerity, where do you hide? Freedom, why are you so elusive? Retirement... what is taking you so long???

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Photo: "Target" taken at the Seneca Lake (Geneva front) in Geneva, NY (October 2005).

Milestone...

...how exhilarating! But how fleeting....
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by Philipina A. Marcelo


I have a thousand and one deadlines to beat... but today, I decided to devote a few minutes to write something about a remarkable experience from last week, specifically last March 10, 2010, before all the excitement fades to oblivion.

By some stroke of luck and a lot of help from the Director of the University of Santo Tomas (UST) Research Center for the Natural and Applied Sciences, Prof. Cristina A. Binag, Ph.D., I seem to have slipped through the “Dangal ng UST” (Pride of UST) Board of Judges eye-of-a-needle scrutiny, and found in my hands that beautiful wooden trophy decorated with the seal of the University and the bronze statuette of the Dominican friar, Rev. Fr. Miguel de Benavides, O. P., who founded UST in 1611. The trophy was designed by J. D. Delos Santos, the former Dean of the UST College of Fine Arts and Design. It was definitely a milestone in my career as a faculty member of UST. It sent my spirit flying to the beautiful tropical summer skies and got my soul singing magnificent tunes of joy. All of a sudden, all the pains of the past how many months from my fierce struggle to keep things together and sane for myself in my workplace vanished... replaced by an awesome feeling of exultation of the purest kind!

Looking at the remarkable achievements by those who held the beautiful trophy before me, I was absolutely humbled by the experience, it made me doubt whether the experience was real or just a dream. I haven't ruled out dream, actually! The specific award was the “Gawad San Alberto Magno para sa Natatanging Nailathalang Pananaliksik sa Agham at Teknolohiya”. It was given for the chapter I wrote with my former professor and Chair of my Ph. D. Special Committee in Cornell University, Prof. Syed S. H. Rizvi, Ph.D., in the “Handbook of Membrane Separations: Chemical, Pharmaceutical, Food, and Biotechnological Applications". The Handbook was edited by Anil K. Pabby, Syed S. H. Rizvi and Ana Maria Sastre, and published by CRC Press, Taylor and Francis Group. The 35-page chapter was entitled, “Applications of Membrane Technology in the Dairy Industry”. It covered the evolution of membrane utilization in the dairy industry that led to innovative processes and products that revolutionized the industry to what it is today. The host of contributors in the Handbook is quite formidable... from some of the most prestigious academic institutions, industry leaders and research institutes in different parts of the world. Trying to be in the same league was tough... it was a lot of heavy toil. I didn't even come close to being 'almost there', but the pain was absolutely worth it! I am thankful to Prof. Rizvi for helping me take a peek at the world where only the most accomplished men and women in science and technology reside. There is no way that I could deserve a membership card as of yet, but the J. D. Delos Santos trophy is a symbol of hope for me. At least, the little scientist part of me could hope. :)

Dangal’s theme this year is “Gurong Tomasino: Daluyan ng Kagandahan, Tambuli ng Katotohanan at Lundayan ng Kabutihan”, which, in the words of Prof. Lilian J. Sison (Dean of UST Graduate School) who chaired the Board of Judges this year, “extols the hallmarks of Thomasian Teacher – Beauty, Truth and Virtues”. Just like the previous years, the event was held at the San Martin De Porres Cinematorium at the UST Faculty of Medicine Building. And just like the previous years, the faculty members were dressed up nicely – just one indication of the prestige of the event for the Thomasians. And, as icing on the mouth-watering cake, I received the symbolic trophy from two of the most accomplished and most respected women in UST today: Prof. Clarita D. L. Carillo, Ph.D. - Vice Rector for Academic Affairs and Research - and Prof. Binag, who was also a recipient of the award and several other national and international awards for her works as a scientist. Just being on the same stage as these two women, with Rev. Fr. Rolando V. Dela Rosa, O. P. - Rector of UST - and other illustrious members of the Thomasian Community watching from the front seats of the storied Cinematorium, was already a staggering honor for me. Oh, oh... btw, somebody handed me a white envelope, too! :) Truly, there really is such thing as luck! And maybe, out of boredom, fate decided to throw some my way that day... and I can't complain.

I went home that day, physically tired - and painfully so - from trying to endure the unbelievable punches of heavy work for the past how many months, but spiritually energized by the experience. My soul reached out to the One whose mercy is endless and let my soul sang Him a heartfelt prayer of gratitude. I know that this gift is a sign for something... I’m still figuring out what that is, unsuccessfully so far. But I’ll figure it out somehow. In the meantime, I’ll stick to doing what I’ve been doing... a reliable source of constant joy, that one that brought me this prestigious honor so unexpectedly: conscientious service with humility, propelled by passion and good intentions, inspired by love and faith. I am certain that I will keep faltering and failing - hard sometimes, that's for sure - but hopefully, He’d grant me the wisdom to see what He wishes of me this time... and hopefully, with His grace, I’d find the courage to fulfill it.

In the meantime, hmmmm... I know I’ll be having a grand celebration with my family soon, not just for the award but for several other most wonderful gifts that members of my family received... but I wonder, what can I gift myself with the content of my white envelope??? :) For sure, shopping is in order... soon! Or maybe... a spring or summer trip to a place I miss very much, with a beloved one whose company I long for so painfully... that place where my heart resides, where living with heartfelt smile every second of every single day comes as easy as 1-2-3... okay, 1-2-3-4, actually! :) But because of my messed up priorities - that ironically enough brought me a J. D. Delos Santos trophy - I'm not sure if I'm still welcome there though.... :( If I am being honest to myself, I'd say I only have enough room for one trophy of this kind in my life, unexpected as it was... and that's it. Really. And that's precisely why that moment was a milestone for me... because of the realization that came with it. The experience was undoubtedly exhilarating and absolutely fulfilling - both professionally and personally, yes... but absolutely fleeting! Because, alas, while the moment was indeed special, there are things that are far more important and far more filling for the soul as far as I'm concerned... such as heartfelt smiles and the warmth of a place where one's heart resides. They urge the heart to keep beating, inspire hope for better things, and make every moment of this life worth living for... and as easy as 1-2-3-4.

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Photo credit:  All the photos in this post belong to me, although taken by someone else who gifted them to me. I reserve the copyright as owner of the photos, and they may not be used for purposes other than in this blog.

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The Saga of Twilight... and the Eclipsed New Moon

…will dawn ever come? I sure hope so!
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by Philipina A. Marcelo


I confess… I've been having fun - and I am not sorry! It's holidays for cryin' out loud! :)

Part 1: The Seduction

Edward Cullen may call Bella Swan his “personal brand of heroin” and Bella Swan may call her best friend Jacob Black her “personal sun” when the gloom of darkness sat in after Edward momentarily left… call me shallow if you want, but I'd call this phenomenal “The Twilight Saga” a devout bookworm sucker for romance’s pure ecstasy! Indeed, reading Stephenie Meyer's “The Twilight Saga” is exactly that… and more… even for a bookworm like myself whose sucker-for-teenage-romance circuitry has gone rusty after getting confined much too long in the ‘dark side’ – the ‘grown-up world’! =)

It really was my sister’s fault… she tuned in the TV to some movie channel when that phenomenal vampire flick “Twilight”, which I initially condemned as just another cheesy romance made interesting by some broodingly handsome rebel-looking English guy with a white-as-a-chalk make-up and a dangerously gorgeous go-ahead-and-stare, uhm, stare, was playing… and then hid the remote control!

The second installment to "The Twilight Saga" movie series, “New Moon”, was playing in the cinema that time. And so, I must admit it was a great advertisement ploy: saturate the viewers’ curiosity with the tsunami that devoured the cinemadom in 2008 to a point of surrender… and get them filling out seats in the New Moon–infested movie theaters! Slumped tired on the couch from some painfully boring “grown-up stuff” – a daily sentence in the 'dark side' – I resigned to stay motionless for the next two hours and be entertained by whatever was playing on TV. I let my mind go numb and sat very still and watched… which is the very essence of the “idiot box”, right?

Unfortunately, the movie was already almost halfway through… and so none of the things I was seeing was making much sense. I couldn’t make much sense out of two teenagers lying on a bed of grass and pretty spring flowers in a magical meadow, staring sullenly at each other like there was no tomorrow! A supposed ordinary-looking (but, actually lovely) girl with a pout and blank stare that made one wonder what she was thinking as she focused on the mesmerizingly beautiful creature beside her - yeah, that English guy with a dangerously melting stare - was all I saw. My mind struggled out from the self-imposed coma, which had me sighing deeply before saying disgustedly, “what lunatics! And I thought this was a vampire movie!”

And so, despite my planned surrender to boxed idiocy, I gave up. I summoned whatever strength I had and hauled my butt out of the couch and went surfing the internet instead! I opened my browser… and bam! “New Moon” this, “New Moon” that! I sighed, opened my inbox as fast as I can, and surrendered to the ‘dark side’ once again - work. I thought that was the end of it.

Sleep-deprived for the past five months from all the preparations for the 16th ASEAN Regional Symposium on Chemical Engineering (RSCE) – my Department’s biggest project as of yet – while teaching full-time and taking my Department’s driver’s seat, I came home dead tired once again. My sister was munching some chips in front of the TV with her hair down and her feet up… I was so jealous of her relaxed stance that I let myself collapse in a chair in front of the TV and reached for a bag of Cheetos myself. I was too tired to chew, and so I let the humungous cheese coated puffed dough pieces melt in my mouth and focused on the TV screen instead. Not even the extreme saltiness of the puffs could awaken my dead tired senses, and then.... oh, no… not those teenagers in the magical meadow again! But there they were… yeah, staring at each other like there was no tomorrow! And then, the screen moved to another scene before I could summon the strength to get up… whoa, what was that?? The English guy smiled – beautiful, beautiful! I mean, to-die-for BEAUTIFUL! Hmmm… to-DIE-for… this must be a vampire movie afterall! Before realizing what I was doing, my feet were up on the table in front of me, munching Cheetos vigorously, more aware of the salt that assaulted my taste buds! =)

Two more minutes, and I learned that Isabella Swan or Bella… was the name of the expressionless girl. Edward Cullen – that’s the name of the excruciatingly beautiful creature, the one that smiled with an alluring mystery, and talked in a low drawl that left any feeling female tangled in a hormonal frenzy… age notwithstanding – trust me! ;) And, that's only because the creature was a he and he’s the vampire, too. Clink, ting, cling, pling… I can almost hear the rust falling off from my sucker-for-romance circuitry, as it swang to full gear! Two more minutes, and I was gasping, “wait… Edward is a vampire?? But I thought Bella is a normal mortal? Why is he with Bella then? I don’t get it….” All of a sudden, I was on a first name basis with the meadow kids! =)

And then, my phone gave an attention-catching noise – text message. What now? The ‘dark side’ beckoned once again… work. I squirmed at the coercion… but gave in, dang! I stirred and disentangled myself from the trance that the Twilight meadow kids put me into, and went to try satiating the greedy mouth of the monster in the ‘dark side’.

A couple of days later, the 16th ASEAN RSCE finally came to a conclusion – a satisfying conclusion, I must say… there was a reason to celebrate! So, after recovering a little from lack of sleep, I came home one evening with an intention to finish a huge bag of chips… transfat or no transfat, in front of the TV. And I had just the best trance-heavy idea to celebrate! I switched the TV on and hurried to the movie channel using the remote control. There they were… the meadow kids… and the movie’s just started, too. Lovely!

The movie picked up somewhere in a High School building scene. Looking at the beautiful creature, who happened to be the vampire in the movie whose name I found out a couple of days back as Edward Cullen, sitting relaxed in a high school cafeteria with an enigmatic half-smile – vampirishly seductive! Right there and then, I had a sweet feeling that it was going to be a good night… I munched Cheetos puffs as vigorously as I’d never done before! And it’s just about right. Ping, cling, ting… mama mia, of course, I was hyperventilating! :)

Needless to say, I was taken by Robert Pattinson's portrayal of Edward Cullen. He looked painfully handsome enough to be a "seductive" vampire… and his moves, stares, half-smiles and tone are appropriately brooding for a "broodingly handsome" vampire, too. As Stephenie Meyer herself said, "he looks beautiful and dangerous at the same time," or something along that line. I think he is credible for the mysterious Cullen… if not a little bit too camera-conscious in some scenes, and a bit clumsy when he jumped. :) Kristen Stewart, on the other hand, is just a little bit too tentative in her acting in some scenes, and too eager in others, to be entirely convincing. In my opinion, she lacked the appropriate expression for the supposed eternally pondering and serene Bella who usually loses grasp of her wits when subjected to Edward's mere presence. Stewart seemed to equate pouting/frowning to pondering, and blank expression to Bella's ability to keep her thoughts to herself. Her clumsiness, which was supposed to be endearing was distressing, simply because she looked quite athletic, agile and self-assured for a clumsy girl. :) It was hard to believe that Jessica could dare crossing swords with Stewart's Bella at all - she looked intimidating! And, I thought Bella's sarcasm was supposed to be hilarious… didn't come out that way with Stewart's Bella. Don't get me wrong... not saying Stewart wasn't a good actress, because she is... just that her portrayal of Bella didn't come out the way I expected it, based on raves I heard about the books. Her performance made Pattinson own the screen all throughout the film… which was not really a big problem to me, to be honest! :) Okay, to be fair to Stewart, maybe I wasn't paying enough attention - to her. Maybe, that's it, actually. :) Maybe, if I watched the movie again, and paid her enough attention, I'd be impressed by her, too. It's just that Robert Pattinson totally worked the camera... and the director seemed to have totally let him do it. Again, not a problem to me! =)

While there is much to be desired in the direction, overall, the film was decent. There were well-shot scenes that seduced the viewer to go deeper and understand the build-up of emotional connection and mutual attraction between the melancholy mortal girl, Bella Swan, and the mind-reading posterboy of a vampire Edward Cullen. Edward’s interest in Bella started from a fascination for his inability to get to her brain and her blood’s overpowering scent that drew him to her at a level so unfathomably strong. The trust rather than fear that Bella started to feel towards Edward – the deeply mysterious, bordering supernatural for her own human wits to comprehend – and the pull of vampirish lust for blood that later replaced by a wanting so strong, it was almost an obsession by Edward for the self-proclaimed ordinary girl, Bella, were quite absorbing. How these intricate emotions later entwined and blossomed to a love so unique between them, was quite beautifully captured in some scenes.

How such unlikely romance unfolded to a deep connection that can only be true love was not self-explanatory to the audience at all… at least, not to me that time since I haven't read the novel then. And so, it lures one to swim in the mysterious waters that was the movie and try to decipher it… and ending up quite satisfied, too. All of a sudden, the magical meadow scene made sense to me! However, how Bella would not lighten up even under the spellbinding love she and Edward had was quite odd, and the film never offered an explanation either… and so, I made a mental note to read the book. Uhm, actually… the whole series - all four books, yes!

There were "extras", too. The scenes when Edward let down his vampirish guard – to the point of almost vulnerability – showing Bella his vampire
abilities and "vegetarian" way of life, not to mention, formally introducing her to his family (what vampire does that??), and Bella’s unwavering devotion to Edward despite the unsettling details of his dark secret were quite engaging… the shots could have been a little bit better though, I must admit… and if Stewart had the right expressions, it would've been perfect.

The baseball game played by the Cullens during a thunderstorm, where their adversaries appeared for the first time, was quite fascinating - one of the best parts of the movie, made even more engaging by Muse's music in the background… vampires having ‘clean fun’ – so extraordinary! Then again, the Cullens were "vegetarians"… if that wasn't extraordinary, to begin with, I don't know what else is. With all the endearing closeness of a family, not to mention, urbanity and sense of style, like Bella, you’d start feeling strongly for the Cullens as well… maybe, to the point of desiring to be one of them. For Bella though, becoming a Cullen is just a plus… the real gift is being with Edward. Can we blame her? Not really… no, not at all, if you ask me! :)

Towards the end of the film, overcoming their adversaries, and even their very nature that made them and their worlds so different from each other, tested Edward and Bella’s devotion to protect each other and stay with each other… forever.

Part 2: Bitten

After watching the “Twilight” movie in its entirety, quite naturally, my sister and I found ourselves in the cinema the next day watching “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”... and quite naturally, it was my treat! :) I was even prepared to pay her to come with me actually! Not that I might have needed to offer her either... she made me, turned me into an "overaged" fanatic - introduced me to the meadow kids, for cryin' out loud! =)

“New Moon” is a different story altogether… well, in terms of pace and absorbing mystery, or the lack of it, compared with “Twilight”. So what was it again… after Jasper's not being able to contain himself when Bella bled after sustaining a paper cut during her 18th birthday celebration at the Cullens', and attacked her in a moment of frenzy, Edward and his family left Forks to protect her? That in spite of their love for each other, they belong to two different worlds that wouldn't reconcile - at least, in Edward's immortal mind… and that nothing, not even their love for each other can make their lives come together? That his presence constantly put her in danger, and that he wanted nothing else but for her to be safe and happy? And that means him removing himself in her life? Hmmm… (yawn).

After Edward left, (the cinematic) Bella’s tendency to be melancholy was pushed to the limit… it was unbelievably, uhm… melancholy!! :) I guess anybody (or, should I say, any female, or female at heart?) who had seen “Twilight”, whose biggest draw, let’s admit it, was Robert Pattinson's Edward Cullen, can empathize with Bella though… hell, I can! Edward was on screen for less than half of the movie’s length for crying out loud… it was almost distressing! I found myself, shifting uneasily in my seat, waiting for his return! I was almost pushing Bella to go for those “extreme adventures” that seemed to get Edward talking in her head just to see Edward’s face on screen… it was torture, I tell ya! It made me dread reading this book in the four-part Twilight Saga series!

The Jacob-was-a-werewolf bit was, of course, interesting despite its seemingly abrupt unfolding… but for some odd reason, I was craving the urbane Cullen family on screen, especially their best looking posterboy. And, it was almost torture that with 2/3 of the film rolled, my craving was not being fed! Insanity! The Bella-Jacob romance angle seemed to go on and on and on for me, and wasn’t even taking a nice shape either! Although, of course, Jacob had a nice shape (woot-woot)! Obviously, Bella needed someone to lean on after Edward left. Still, it was hard to believe for me, even for friendship’s sake, that Bella could actually replace Edward with Jacob - the guys are (supernatural) worlds apart… unless, of course, she’s decided that the werewolf anomaly is more appealing than the mystery of the vampire world. Sure, sure… Either way… dang, what’s wrong with this supernatural-magnet of a chick? She loses a vampire boyfriend, and the next thing you know she's in the arms of the nearest werewolf??? Seriously! Anyway, I still thought it wasn’t fair to Jacob to be the spare tire or a brace to Bella's crippled heart… but then, wasn’t he asking for it though? Uh, ooo-kay, it’s either I have become a diehard… or maybe the film was effectively affective afterall! =)

Hmm… okay, I know that by being constantly on-the-look-out for Edward Cullen's every appearance on screen, I wasn't being fair to the people behind the film. Come to think of it, I really think that the direction and editing were quite good and that the werewolf/vampire effects were quite cool, especially the chase scenes between Victoria and Jacob's pack of wolves - a lot of nice shots and great color mix actually, and very good music, too. The post-production crew was obviously paying better attention to details, compared with that in "Twilight" as well. For instance, that part when Edward, Bella and Alice were being led by the Volturi guards to see Aro, Marcus and Caius - the royals of the vampire world - along a snaking hallway... whenever Edward steps into tiny little spaces where the ray of the sun peeped, his skin would glitter in split seconds. Although I'm pretty sure that not everyone would notice if it didn't, the post-production guys were obviously obsessing on tiny details. I like the lighting, too... it constantly emphasized the varying emotional textures in the film... and it brought and connected the characters together in the scenes that their cinematic interactions were very effective. Nice touch. But I think that the big problem was that the Director seemed to have concentrated more on making an obra maestra, forgetting about the "pop mob" that the Twilight series was supposed to satisfy. I, for one, didn't go to the cinema to see a Chariots of Fire-ish movie - there's another time for that... I was there to see some vampire cuteness and grin-inducing wolfy bravado for cryin' out loud! Of course, you can't go wrong with some great cinematography and editing, which "New Moon" thankfuly had. But discounting Edward altogether was not a good idea, I think. To be fair though, Kristen Stewart did a great job with her facial expressions in "New Moon" - she got most of it right, this time - absolutely impressive... even in her most melancholy state... or, maybe I paid her enough attention this time. But then did I have a choice though considering Edward Cullen was missing in action half of the time?! Taylor Lautner took himself too seriously though as Jacob... he wasn't as half funny as the supposed funny Jacob based on excerpts of the books that I managed to look at before going to the cinema! Okay, the abs con biceps situation was unbelievable... but, hey, so what?? He's too melodramatic for the supposed funny Jacob!

Speaking of melodrama... one thing led to another, and Edward was made to believe that Bella committed suicide. He himself didn't see much reason to go on and decided to end his existence. He set off to provoke the Volturi to destroy him. I started paying full attention to the movie once again when Alice - Edward's endearing adoptive sister - and Bella took off for Italy to rescue Edward from the hands of the Volturi. And then, lo and behold… Edward Cullen was back on the screen with a vengeance – shirtless!!! =) Gasp… his royal hotness was back! All of a sudden, the cinema was on fire! Didn’t I say, affective?? I knew it… the Twilight Saga’s attraction is all about ‘EC the vampire’… embodied in that beautiful English thing called Robert Pattinson! But, dang, what was Chris Weitz doing, making the terrible Felix thrash Edward like a pillow??! Like Edward didn't have the littlest vampirish fight in him?? Obviously, Weitz had no love for Edward! Just look at how uhm… when the vampire, the werewolf and the distressing damsel were together on screen at the end of the film, the usually self-asssured Edward looking like a weepy wimp and oddly unattractively pale beside the hulking Jacob, even when Bella already shooed Jacob away by choosing him, Edward? Hmmm… seemed like the "New Moon" film people were desperately trying to keep the fandemonium away from a single character, and focus instead to the story and how the three main characters' lives will be entwined more beautifully in the next installments of the Saga…. It looked like they were trying to even out the playing field between the vampire and the werewolf, which was tilted deliciously in favor of the vampire in "Twilight"... to the point of making Edward appear like a wimp! It's almost obvious, Chris Weitz is with "Team Jacob"! =)And, naturally, this made me more curious about the books.

And this, my friends, led to my strengthened resolve to read "The Twilight Saga" four-book series by Stephenie Meyer! And so, I did… averaging 32 hours per book during the holidays… and, yeah, I did eat, showered and slept like a normal human being, too, within those hours. In less than a week, I was done… bitten without a doubt!! I mean, incredibly, totally, happily bitten!

Let's get on to "Eclipse" now, shall we? I've got this feeling that it's going to be so much better than "New Moon".

Part 3: "Twilight": the euphoria of being a 'Newborn'

"Twilight" is a beautifully written romance novel, in spite of the tone of pop lit that rang all over it. Call me old fashioned, but I still think that beautiful romance novels should be written with the subtlety of the classics - passion on fire in the inside, subtle utterance outside - stirring all sorts of emotions in the reader. Anything less (or more?) than that is Mills & Boon to me. :)

Nope, it wasn't a chick lit, uh, in the traditional sense, not that I have anything against chick lit either… it wasn't just a teenage angst-filled all-cutesy story either. The charm of "Twilight" lies on the very personal tone that Stephenie Meyer used in her narration… a true classiclike tone without trying very hard. No excruciating overanalysis of conflicting emotions that spoonfeeds and numbs the mind of the reader either. It sounds rather spontaneous and sincere. As Robert Pattinson himself described it, "it was written in a very personal tone, it sounded almost like it wasn't meant for publication." Count on the English artist - that one who breathed life into Edward Cullen himself - to break it down for us so beautifully like that!

To be continued…

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Bizarre Triangle

...on a bizarre day.
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by Philipina A. Marcelo

The day that just ended was rather bizarre for me. I’ve been sick, so I spent the day at home. I was planning to take it easy and sleep all day… but, instead, I was drawn into a dramatic three-way tug-of-war among my favorite me-time activities: watching sports (most of the time tennis), reading philosophy, and admiring photography.

On the blue corner: Rogers Cup was on… World #1, Roger Federer - the newest dad in the tour - was not exactly just working out in the second round; two former World #1, Juan Carlos Ferrero and Lleyton Hewitt, were battling it out to advance to the third round; the 2007 Rogers Cup champ, Novak Djokovic, was hanging on to dear life in the second round; UK's #1, Andy Murray cruised to the third round while Nikolay Davydenko struggled to get past his opponent; and defending champ Rafa Nadal began his much awaited comeback in the tennis scene since falling in the semis in Paris this year through the men’s doubles. Bizarre that seven of the very best of today's men’s tennis were out there, on the blue hard court of Montreal, doing their thing - drama por drama - so early in the tournament!

On the white corner: I’ve been so mesmerized by my former student Michelle Pangilinan's photographs of the white sand beaches of the Philippines. From the nearby Puerto Galera beaches of Mindoro, to the cheerful clear waters and dramatic sunset of Boracay, to the enigmatic and captivating beauty of Camiguin Island beaches, to the crystal clear waters, nestled in beautiful green islets, of Coron, Palawan – totally drowning! It was bizarre that, out of 493 friends, my mouse should take me to her Facebook photo albums... when my eyes were watering from intense fever.

On the gray corner: Ah, those gray alleys of philosophy coming to an intersection with economics and social issues… there could only be one point of intersection: Amartya Sen! There he was, in his quiet and dignified Nobel Laureate form, sitting on the set of "HARDtalk" no less, talking about his new book, "The Idea of Justice". Hah... so that was what it was like to watch philosophy... I've always wondered. Bizarre that one of the people I've appreciated from a distance and now beginning to admire as an Academic role model should come for an interview on one of my favorite talk shows on a day when I can actually watch it with undivided attention! But what's bizarrely upsetting was that Stephen Sackur, Sen’s fellow Cambridge alumnus and Harvard guy, was not interviewing him! Where's the joy in that?

Speaking of bizarre… people have been wondering all day about a Russian cargo vessel that left Finland en route to Algeria that “seemed to disappear on the face of the earth”, as per BBC news anchor's amazed declaration. Before this, I was lulling myself to sleep on Discovery Channel's Extreme Engineering feature story on "aerodynamic (cable suspension) bridges"... reiterating structure reinforcement to withstand wind. I heard keywords (or catch phrases?) like "natural excitation limit" and "synchronous lateral excitation"... uh, yes, pertaining to bridges.

Bizarre day, I tell ya!

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Photo credits: (1) Roger Federer: I grabbed from the Rogers Cup website (2) Bulabog Beach, Boracay, Philippines by Michelle Pangilinan.

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No words...

... only enormous and innermost grief.
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Thank you, Madam President. You were a woman of courage, love, steadfast faith, unwavering commitment to democracy and moral leadership... and we are your people. We will never forget.







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