Mood...

SUPERMAN

(It's not easy)

Five for Fighting

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find

The better part of me

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

I wish that I could cry

Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie

About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive

Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede

Even heroes have the right to dream

And it's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me

Well, it's all right, you can all sleep sound tonight

I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride

With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

Inside of me

Inside me

Inside me

Inside of me

Source of lyric: LyricFind

***

Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the video link.

***

Wednesday Nostalgia...

...because it's been a while.
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by PAM

I've been missing taking at least one thousand steps per day.  The last time I did that - walk a thousand steps - was almost seven years ago.  Those were the years when I was still actively engaged in research while I enjoyed what I love doing the most, at least, professionally - teaching. 

I miss those days.  Those were 'nice', productive, exciting (in a kind of subdued way) and really enjoyable days... not to mention healthy days, given the guaranteed one thousand steps I took everyday as I walked back-and-forth from the Roque Ruaño Building (or Engineering Building), where I teach, to the Research Center for the Natural and Applied Sciences (RCNAS) at the Thomas Aquinas Research Complex (TARC) in my university.  Except when it was raining cats and dogs, or when we were having a sweltering day, those walks were truly enjoyable. The outdoor air cleared the mind... and the laughter of people around engaged in a myriad of activities made me aware of how I was a part of a world that's alive and happy!  I would usually bump into someone... stopped to catch up for a few minutes, 'gossiped' a little and laughed a lot... before walking hurriedly to either rescue my experiment in my lab at RCNAS or try to be less than 10 minutes late to my class.

Yesterday, I savored the chance of re-living those days, like walking down memory lane... and it felt good.  Nah... it wasn't just good, it was very good!

Ah, that familiar walking route...

...through walkways that are lined with trees
and plants so thick and richly green...

...leading to this 'hallowed' hall where ideas become
an unforgettable experience!

I am actively engaged in research again!  After six long years... I am back to RCNAS, and I love it!

***
About the photos:  I took these photos as I walked from TARC to the Roque Ruaño Building, after spending hours at the RCNAS.

***

Saturday photo

PROMISE

Love appears

like a beautifully wrapped gift

under the tree on a Christmas morn –

hoped for... yet still surprising, unexpected.

I said it will last.

You said you’re glad.

And it did feel like it would – last, promise...

until the bow worn out, the colors faded. 

The excitement subsided, the feeling waned.

Questions arose, answers ran out

doubts lingered, assurance retreated...

‘beauty’ disappeared.

Should love, in whatever form, be 'a gift'?

Should its value depend on how beautifully it’s wrapped?

Should its attraction be hinged on such visibly awesome beauty?

Should a promise be made?

Doesn’t promise make love an obligation?

Is it, indeed – an obligation? Should it be?

Really?

Promise?

***

Dedication:  To a friend, and this friend's loss.  May coping be bearable.

***

Friday night music...

...and I mean, the good and meaningful kind.
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by PAM


It's been, uhm... "hell week", as what kids these days would call an extremely grueling week - a "festival of challenges"... the kind that leaves you stuck in frustration, feeling clueless and stupefied, and dead tired, too!  Well, it's been a series of "hell week", actually - for me, anyway.  And I need a little respite to revive this fading, dying soul... and get the spirit soaring - again!  

Let me begin with honesty: just honest, bare music - of pure talent and artistry, defined by depth and insightfulness... not made to sound cute and pretty in canned computer-enhanced mere 'mimicry' of music... and definitely, the artists not made to look like something they are not.

"And you give yourself away...

with or without you... I can't live with or without you."

"And you give yourself away..." to the craziness of this life, to the upsetting inconsistencies and lack of conviction in what people do these days; to all the fakery and artificial 'beauty' that abound in the pop world where many kids live in wishful thinking these days; to all the tutti-frutti colored promises that people make on sand these days; to all the devastating traps of dishonesty and lack of sincerity in what people say and/or do these days; to all that selfish personal agenda that drive people to achieve beyond what is necessary and good at all cost including their very soul...; and to all that's not what this life should be and what life actually is.  

No, it isn't the amount of work that makes my spirit sink... it's all that fakery around, heightened by its soundtrack - the pop music of today.  And I thought music can't get anymore cheap and shallow in vulgar rap, lamentably performed by wanksta... until this "tutti frutti" Eastern Asian music dominated the airwaves... including our own supposedly discriminating ears that can (supposedly, that is) distinguish between hype and music from the heart.  The visuals that accompany music these days - of thin young people with "rearranged", "restructured" and "airbrushed" faces, hair colored and held in place by a blend of chemicals and what have you - advertised as "natural and organic" and yet the very way their hair looks is unnatural and can't be anymore remotely related to organic than a piece of moon rock; and clad in clothes that used to be reserved to dolls living in dollhouses... gyrating and blowing fake kisses while they sing in trapped mouse-sounding squeaks that sadly define the music of today mostly.  

Hmmm... if it's true that music is the language of the soul... I shudder in fevered anxiety to think of the state of our souls these days, given how articulate our current "spokespersons" are.  To whom... or to what did we relinquish our souls?  Ah... I finally understand my late mother when she ordered me and my siblings to take down Madonna's and Boy George's posters from our bedrooms' walls!

And because "you give yourself away" to what is unnatural and untrue, life for you is always lacking, wanting, desiring - to no avail.  And then life becomes tiresome and meaningless... not worth anything... and, therefore, could simply be thrown away... to end in despair... as if there is no love left... regardless of the abundance of true love, just hidden by all the fakery where we prefer to mine for joy these days... in utter failure, of course.  And it's sad... very, very sad. Devastating.

***
If it is true, honest and pure... it can't be marred by hype... not even by time.

"And you give yourself away..."  30 years later.

And that's what 'classic' is all about... well, for me, anyway - for this old dying soul, still 'stuck in the jurassic era' as kids these days would say... just waiting for its time to pass on... and be free from all this tiresome fakery! 

***

Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the video links.

***

Saturday Photo

And the good harvest continues!
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by PAM

Ever heard of 'low melatonin nights'?  The nights when sleep won't come to you no matter how hard you try to black your mind out? Well, I am having that right now, and I tell ya, it ain't pretty.  Good thing I have this to mull over...

Up there... again.
And it feels... awesome!

Ours is Top Performing School in Registered Electrical Engineers Licensure Examination... again - seven years in a row!  How does it feel?  Uhm... good!  It feels good... it's a concrete outcome of all the humongous efforts - but being invisible, in the backstage... behind that  endlessly flowing veil of tears, where no one can see... where all they see is my 'invisibility'... and others' larger-than-life presence, bathe in spotlight - in center stage.  But do I mind?  With this result?  Nah.  Should I break through that veil and claim a little of what is mine... and have worked hard for?  Uhm... nah.  I know so well that it is a thankless job... therefore, I take none.  I do not consider any of this as mine.  But no one can take away the joy in my heart... that is mine, and mine alone.  The knowledge that I have done my very best, and with no personal agenda to protect and to put in front of service... of serving these kids, and of serving God. And it all translated to this - dreams becoming reality, wishes coming true... and many, many more like this.  I couldn't ask for more.  At least, not right now... except for a little sleep.

***

Saturday photos...

... because I need more than one photo to make a point.

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by PAM

A couple of months ago, I was going through my options - a necessary exercise before arriving at a hard decision.  I tried looking for answers, taking hints from family and other people's opinions, views and sentiments... and seeking God's will in prayer, of course.  This is the third time for me to make this decision, but unlike the first two times, choosing something else other than what I chose then was a real and plausible option.  And yet, I decided to go for my 'old choice' - for the third time.  And so, I signed on for a third Term as Dean of the first Engineering School in the Philippines - the Faculty of Engineering of the University of Santo Tomas (UST).

That decision meant that I had to continue leading the Faculty to this...

  

Joining the Engineering Education 'Big League'

I had to follow through the work that I put on with my Team for the past six years, and bring the vision to fruition. Of course, prior to making that decision, I finished my second Term with an all-system-go towards accomplishing the task.  All the buttons are set, we only had to turn the key to the button guards and press them when the time is right.  

After the decision was made, and while mingling with colleagues of equivalent designation from different universities in the United States of America and in other parts of the world, I momentarily doubted my motivation in deciding to stay.  I asked myself, what else was my motivation other than service?  Was it the prestige of being at the helm when this happened, even if I did build the foundation 'brick-by-brick' - at many points, against the current and against the direction of the wind - leading to this and, therefore, in all fairness, deserve to claim the credit?  I searched my heart... and no, claiming credit is not there.  After all, true credit is given, not claimed.  All I found was still the desire to continue serving, and making sure that, when the time is right, I can turnover the helm to someone with all the creases smoothened so that he or she, can begin to lay down a foundation for another monument of progress, building upon what we have built over the last six years and the three years in front of us.

My Team was off to a terribly busy start, and I was running and 'shooting' with my 'big guns' as I sprinted from one goal to another.  I was enjoying a momentary respite when this happened...

...132 new Registered Mechanical Engineers:

our gift to the society, the fruits of our collective labor.

No, there is nothing like seeing dreams coming true... keys turning, doors opening - for our students and their parents, and for all their loved ones; and knowing that, somehow, in the smallest of ways, you were instrumental in having them realized their dreams.  To know in your heart that you can do this, and choosing otherwise because your own dream is 'bigger' than theirs is, I can imagine, a lifetime without peace of mind. 

I choose peace of mind.  So, I chose what I do now: service.  And, I shall keep persevering in service.  Until when?  I'll keep searching for the answer because, I know that when you search, you shall find.    

***

Image credit:  The first photo was taken at the Accreditation Board for Engineering and Technology (ABET) Institutional Representatives Meeting in Baltimore, Maryland in July 2019 by an ABET staff; and the second photo is a collage of images from the website of the Professional Regulation Commission (PRC) of the Republic of the Philippines.

***

Had an urge to reminisce...

...and I just had to watch The Graham Norton Show!
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by PAM

All that driving around Idaho last week, before heading home to Manila, reminded me of my roadtrip with my family last year from Meridian, ID through Oregon to San Francisco, CA to Los Angeles, CA to Las Vegas, NV and back to Idaho - but in Boise, ID this time. And it was just as well as it was Thursday, after all... 'throwback Thursday' and all that.  

Anyway, yes, that roadtrip was awesome!  And what made all the reminiscin' so fun was the memory of the Extraterrestrial Highway (or 'ET Highway') amid the endlessly rolling desert of Nevada. The ET Highway was actually the Nevada State Road 375.  I remember how amazing the drive was that merely recalling how it was led to adrenaline rush!  

Now, I just have to find a way to dissipate all that energy packed by the memory of the ET Highway!  And so, Star Trek... and Jean-Luc Picard came to mind. I do remember that Graham Norton has had very good interviews with Patrick Stewart - the brilliant actor that gave life to Picard.  And, look what I found...

          GN:  'Cause you had nicknames, growing up, didn't you?

          PS:  Yeah, I did. "Stewpot" was one of my nicknames. "Stewie" was another one. 

                 It's different now, you know, social media... there's another one, "Beef Stew",

                which I rather like. (2:04 - 2:32)

          GN: Do you (go to the) gym all the time?

          PS:  No, sir, I do not.  I just think clean thoughts.  (6:27 - 6:35)

Totally hilarious, it made my evening... eventhough nothing about the interview had anything to do with ET Highway!  At least, there is some 'ray of sunshine' in this gloomy rainy August Thursday. Ah, talk about the 'ghost month' that is August!

***

Video credit:  Thank you, YouTube, for the video link.

*** 

Three Ps...

...because it is best to be hopeful. 
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by PAM

I was worrying about going to Church today because I am staying at my sister's in Caldwell, ID, which is about 27 miles away from the Idaho capital, Boise. While it is lovely here, the drive from the airport to her house was filled with rolling hills and farmlands, and there were many churches, too, but I didn't see any Roman Catholic Church along the way. Luckily, my sister and my brother-in-law are very considerate people that they thought about my plight, and they readily suggested that I attend the service at Our Lady of the Valley Catholic Church, for which, of course, I am very thankful. 

As I know that this region in the US is not huge on Catholicism, I thought the church would be a small one in the heart of a small community. But, no, my imagination cannot be farther from reality because the church was huge, and it was almost full for that one Sunday service of 9:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. - to my pleasant surprise. 

"Lord, teach us to pray..."

My brother-in-law very kindly drove me to the Church, which was less than 10 minutes away; and so very kindly waited for me as well.  

The service was very good - short and sweet... and the singing of psalms was very good, too.  And yet, what was best about the whole experience was the Mass celebrant's sermon. The Gospel was on Luke 11:1-13... "Lord, teach us to pray... ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you" as we know, when one of Jesus's disciples asked him to teach them how to pray.  

The celebrant elaborated through what he called the "3 Ps": Prayer, Patience and Perseverance. He said that when we are setting out to fulfill a 'mission' that we believe is God's will, before taking the first step, it is best to seek God and his mercy - in prayer.  As we proceed, meeting obstacles along the way, forcing us sometimes to veer out of our path and lose our way, we can stay on track if we have patience - to enable ourselves to achieve balance and make good decisions as a result.  And, whenever we feel that the road we are taking is all uphill, and we experience weariness as we climb, it helps to stay focused on the mission in perseverance - knowing where we are headed, believing that we are pursuing God's will, and knowing that God is with us throughout the journey.          

It is always up to us to seek God in prayer, ask to be guided by his wisdom patiently, and knock in our hearts to be inspired by His love as we persevere to fulfill our mission. God is with us; we are in His heart, and He does love us so.  

***

About the photos:  I took the photos at the Our Lady of the Valley Catholic Church in Caldwell, ID, USA.

***

Hello, July!

Good to see you again!
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by PAM

My 'birthmonth' started out with a very promising endeavor, in which God blessed me with the incredible opportunity to lead the Faculty of Engineering of the University of Santo Tomas (UST) in reaching a milestone.  On 01 July 2019 (East Coast time), our 'Team Engineering' submitted our Self-Study Reports (SSR) for our six Engineering Programs to the Accreditation Board for Engineering and Technology (ABET) of the United States of America (USA).  The UST Faculty of Engineering is the first Engineering School in the Philippines, and as such, it is a highly storied and historical School.  Therefore, it is incredibly special to be at the helm while the Faculty surpasses this milestone.

But that's work.  Yes, it does make the heart beat double time feeling God's love, and the soul sing with enormous gratitude, but it is still work.  So, let me talk about something else that made me want to sing praises to God because of the happiness that made my heart swell.  While the root from which these gems blossom from is still work, the joyful feeling that they invoke does not resemble the mere feeling of fulfillment from a job done well at work.

***
Being their second Mom...

Let me talk about this instead... because I'd rather talk about this, actually...

"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken

Your best friend always sticking up for you

Even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance

Five-hour phone conversation

The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?"

I spent the last two days of the first week of my 'birthmonth' with 'my kids', and it was incredible!  The happiness was real... it was like being lifted up through the air to sit on the cottony softness of 'cloud 9' to watch the stars twinkle happily, and be overwhelmed by the awesomeness of it all.  It felt so good... so good that I just had to post something here - in this little corner of mine - to create a happy place to retreat to whenever life's challenges become too much to bear.  

Last July 5-6, my kids (thesis advisees and future business partners) and I went on Teambuilding/break/mini vacation at the Green Canyon Leisure Farms in Bamban, Tarlac, Philippines.  It was a celebration of the graduation from chemical engineering of five of them, the moving up to the next level towards graduation from the same Program of four of them, and the celebration of my 51st birthday.  The private atmosphere of the beautiful leisure farms was very apt for the bonding moment that we wish to have... to make good memories, and strengthen the bond of friendship and love that brought and hold us together.  The little memento of a video - a small compilation of photos and vide clips from our mini vacation - captured a fraction of the enjoyment and happiness that we felt while spending time together.  I just had to post it here for easy access whenever needed.

I may not have been lucky enough to be chosen by God to bear these kids in my own womb, to give life to them, and bring them into this world, but I feel fortunate that God entrusted them to me - all together - at a time when they are going through this critical transformation, enabling them to fulfill what God plans for them.  It is still very much less than being their mother, but it is enough to make my heart swell from true love.

***

Video and songs credit:  I made the video. Thanks, YouTube, for providing the online platform for the video. Thanks, too, to Train and Simple Minds for the loan of the songs.

***

Sunday night, movie night...

...and just about right!
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by PAM

Okay... so I am officially an 'old lady'!  Hooray! 😉🎉

I used to pass the time, or take a break from work, scanning clothes or shoe stores, or scanning songs in record stores, or checking out new restos, or adding to my Precious Moments collection. Lately, however, I'd rather just stay being cozy in bed. I feel tired... exhausted, even! 😫 I simply do not have the energy to do the things that I used to do... I've become really boring and 'uninterested' because all my braincells seem to be overloaded with concerns... that aren't even my personal concerns! I feel like I'm living the proverbial "spinster's life"! 😐I'm not in the stroking-the-head-of-cat-while-in-my-pajamas phase yet, I must say, but that's only because I am a... dog person. 😂

So, in bed, I stay this Sunday night. But then, I may have become boring but not completely so, that staring at the ceiling still drives me insane.  So, I had to do something without pushing my braincells to overheat!  Solution: movies!  The feel-good ones... naturally, Hallmark movies come to mind.  And, boy, am I lucky... 'cause I found one that really warmed the heart.  The movie was "The Last Bridesmaid", and it starred the talented and lovely, Rachel Boston as Becca, and Paul Campbell as Kyle.  It's a very well-acted TV movie.  The editing was good, too - short and snappy, but it seemed long enough to have that natural development of character, and the natural blooming of feelings between the two leading characters. Or, I guess the actors were just very good, especially Boston.

"Or, if you spend all your energy looking for something so specific,
you might not recognize it (love) when it arrives." 

The story was simple.  Becca, the 10-time bridesmaid-never-the-bride gal, was set to inherit a thriving Accounting firm from her retiring parents who built it from scratch.  With her focus and determination, everybody thought she fits the bill perfectly... until she met this wedding videographer of an inspired and inspirational artist, Kyle.  They were a very unlikely pair, until the kind and optimistic Becca, empowered by Kyle, found herself boldly letting her love and natural talent for jewelry designing and making come through through all those layers upon layers of Accounting Firm owner forced coat.  The naturally talented film maker, Kyle, in turn was positively influenced by Becca to allow his film making genius shine forth. It was a lovely movie... it wasn't an "Out of Africa" sort of a film, but it was enough to make being lazy in bed worthwhile.  I enjoyed Boston's Becca... her fashion sense, pretty face and stance, and her projection of this composed lady under pressure.

Sweet... but too short!  Therefore, a second movie is in order!  

I luckily found another one by just clicking here and there, and I am glad. The movie is called "Hearts of Spring", starring the talented Lisa Whelchel as Carly - single mother, florist and a Mom blogger, and the versatile, Michael Shanks as Andy - single father, pediatrician and an accidental blog nuisance to Carly.  What caught me the first time was what Carly said about flowers, in which she quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson, "the earth laughs in flowers".

Andy (Dad) to Troy (son):  "When did you get so smart?"

Carly (Mom) to Sadie (daughter):  "You've grown up to be an incredible person,

and a really great friend."

At about 1:20:00, my tears were flowing non-stop. And, it's a 'Mom-and-Pop' sort of a movie... a TV movie, too, at that!  Didn't I say 'old lady'?  And so, it's been perfect!  I saw in the movie what I am experiencing now... that you can learn many very good things from  young people - if you just open your mind - and heart, too - to what they have to say and what they wish to share on matters that involve them in the first place.  Sometimes, when you are open enough to accepting the validity - and wisdom - of their experiential learning, it might just add to your own learning as well, making you a better person.  

I may not be a parent to fully understand what the movie was trying to impart to parents out there, but I can relate based on what I have been experiencing with 'my kids' at School.  Those beautiful kids who make learning - about life - to be such a wonderful experience for me - addictive even... that I keep thirsting for more. 

So, yeah... we do not have to always struggle for sophistication in the things that we do and prefer.  We just have to know what we are looking for... or, at least, open to what life has to offer, and believe that every single life's 'package' that comes our way has a value... we just have to keep scratching the surface, and work our way down to the heart of it, until the heart reveals that grain of an invaluable gem of a message that can enable us to continuously transcend ourselves until we become what God has willed for us to be.

My rating:  If you have time to spare, these movies are worth your every minute.

***

Video credit:  Thanks, YouTube, for the links to the movies.

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