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by PAM
A few years ago, I was rebelling from myself, casting out my appreciation and love for a place that's embedded in my heart. Just when I was ready to move on from said place, leave it all behind, and see what else is out there, I was inspired by two women - to re-consider my decision, and give our 'good old place' a chance. They were a bit successful... I actually 'looked back', and I got sucked in - but only temporarily.
A year later, the restless 'rebellious' streak came back, and I was ready to let go. One of the inspiring women who cared enough to pay attention at how 'crazy' I was being went one step further than just pay attention. She 'coaxed' me to dream with her, and it was, indeed, a wonderful dream for the place we both love... and then 'talked' me into taking on the challenge of making that dream come true... through heartfelt service. It kinda frustrated me 'cause I hate recognizing a challenge... and then not taking it! I know, I'm such a freak like that. So, I gotta admit, she's indeed one clever 'rebel whisperer'!
So, I took on the challenge... and the rest is history.
I really plowed into that 'challenge' stuff like there was no tomorrow... like I didn't know I could actually plow, really! :) I can just imagine that the 'rebel whisperer' was having fun watching me fight and beat my own rebellious streak... discovering so many things about myself in the process, my formidable edgy self, for instance. I gotta admit it was truly fun! I've never felt so blessed... just discovering all the blessings that God so astutely wrapped with self-doubt and shyness. It was an incredible feeling to discover the blessings, one after another. The 'rebel whisperer' smirked each time I did discover something underneath those layers of self-doubt. Sometimes, when she thought I wasn't looking, I'd caught her beaming everytime I celebrate with my Team with a little swag after hitting a target - bull's eye.
So, yeah, it's been a truly exciting ride... and the 'rebel whisperer' never stopped being that - a 'rebel whisperer'. She kept my 'restless being' in check... with a little arch of the eyebrow, a not-so-discreet clearing of the throat, a roll of the eyes, or a downright disapproval with a shake of the head. It was our little secret... a mentor-mentee natural dynamics. It's exciting sometimes, it's frustrating other times... but it always felt like a wonderful gift... somehow.
Today, the wind that blows in my face feels strange. Something is changing, and it did not feel right. The 'rebel whisperer' began to sing a song of farewell... and it's a truly melancholy song. I feel that all my edge is slipping away, too, as the song hits its melody. In its place, the self-doubt is crawling in... and it's scary. It's the worst time to feel scared. I feel like I'm in the middle of a fierce battle, and I lost sight of my General... someone took my General away. And, I feel lost... swinging emptily in thin air, almost making me feel defeated.
The 'rebel whisperer' was sunshine...
...and the day is darkening as she sang a song of farewell.
I wish for a new day to come... and yet, as far as I'm concerned, there's only one sun for this earth.
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Video credit: Thanks, YouTube, for the video link.
Lyrics credit: Thanks, www.azlyrics.com, for the lyrics of "Sunshine" by Gabrielle.
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