"Take my hand and gently close your eyes so you could understand
that there's no greater love tonight than what I've for you.
So, if you feel the same way then let go...
...life is short, my darlin', tell me that you love me...
...I'll be by your side, forever by your side."
Those days when things get 'too much', and I just need a 'safe and quiet place' to 'rest'... a place where I can try to find meaning in all the chaos around... those are difficult days. And, well, today is one of those days. So, here I am, in my 'safe place'... may God keep me company.
It has been an extremely difficult 45 days. I felt like getting caught up in a whirlwind... and feeling really helpless and out of breath. I was just moving back and forth from sadness to happiness in an eye-blinding speed. The emotions swing from extremes, so far apart and contrasting... but mostly sadness. Yesterday, sadness just tipped the scale in ferocious 'violence'... and I got thrown off track. It was like hitting a hard wall while moving on great momentum, and flying off the ground like a weightless feather, helpless, desperately trying to find something to cling to, and finding nothing... nothing at all! It was 'painful'... it felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest, getting smashed against a solid curtain of high-pressure air, and shattering to small pieces - so extremely painful! No amount of tears can bring and hold the pieces together. Now, my head aches so badly... and my heart 'bleeds'... gushing 'blood' of extreme, convulsive sadness... and it hurts so badly. I cling to hope, holding on desperately... but I am slowly being overcome by sadness, I feel like letting go.
***
Video credit: Thanks, YouTube, for the video link.
Hmmm... in my case now, it's 'sadness'. Definitely, 'sadness'!
'Hopes or expectations'....
Hmmm... in this current case of mine, it's 'hopes'. It's definitely 'hopes'! I had very little expectations... but I was hoping from the depth of my soul and from the bottom of my heart that, one day, these 'little dragons' under my care who see themselves as mere 'bugs' in a fragrant garden of intellectual haven will finally realize that they can soar up in the sky, and not just hover around a little garden patch... and that they can magically 'spit fire', too! It's been a grueling endeavor to mend their battle scars and get them to a point when I can finally say that they are ready to own their gift of dragonesque greatness. I was hoping that that day was today!
I did my best. I truly, truly did... and I thought I had enough reason to hope for something, uhm, 'reasonable' - a reasonable outcome. No, I wasn't even hoping for anything 'grand', nothing extraordinary, just the most minimal. A sense of responsibility... a little effort to show that the tremendous support received was well-deserved. That this faith that I have in these lovely 'little dragons' is not unfounded... and that the purest of love that I so painstakingly distilled and packed in great density - just for them, was given not in vain.
But no... they chose to be 'small'... little unremarkable creatures with wings flip-flapping miserably like bugs instead... and it's heart-breaking!
'Sadness'... sadness is what I am feeling right now. 'Sadness', most definitely!
...to ALL! ============================================================================= by PAM I have to admit that Valentine's Day is truly a special day... forget the 'commercial' aspect of it, and just focus on the warmth that one feels from one's toes to one's head just imagining those cute little red and pink hearts that 'fly' around us on 'VDay'... like electric
Roses are red, er, pink... violets are blue. It's Valentine's Day, therefore, happy Vday to you!
current flying around, occasionally touching us, and making us 'giddy' with teenage love feels. It seems that the day warrants heightened loving and the feeling of being loved... and that's just beautiful! Having said the above, I truly do not understand all those 'anti-Valentine' sentiments... and I'm single! Okay, I wasn't about to join the bandwagon of smug 'in-a-relationship' peeps who cling to their partners in rather scandalously conspicuous manner just to get the best selfie to be posted on all sorts of social media platform on VDay season... just to be "in". I do believe in being proud of one's loving feelings for someone... but I don't believe in deliberately flaunting it - for no apparent reason. Furthermore, I do believe that Vday is not exclusive to celebration of love between couples. There is enough space on Valentine's for love of family and true friends, love between spiritual parents and kids, and love between kindred spirits... just because sometimes these kinds of unconditional love are the ones that get us through life's complex twists and turns... those unfathomable mysteries that can only be uncovered and conquered by love. And here's one song that somewhat captures that warm feeling of loving... and being loved... at whatever age, under whatever circumstance, in spite of distance and time zones, no matter how painful sometimes, through all the good times and bad...
🎶 Oh, you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen Next to your heartbeat where I should be Keep it deep within your soul. 🎶
Oh, boy, so beautiful! So, yes, Happy (belated) Happy Valentine's Day to all... of us! 💘😍 *** About the Photo: Thanks, from the bottom of my heart, to the UST Engineering Student Council (ESC) for this gorgeous bouquet of flowers. ***
You're just in time! ============================================================================= by PAM Oh, what a year 2017 has been! Just think about the leaders of many nations whose 'craziness' reached despicable level in 2017, and see if you don't gag! But then, there are grains of feel-good news, too, such as Prince Harry finally finding the love of his life... and she's a
Toasting the coming New Year....
commoner; and the 'Mighty' Thor himself breaking away from his brooding mood with a delightful sense of humor while he saves the universe... and outwits Loki in a funny way. It's a form of escape, of course... but what does one do when the current President of a
superpower 'tweets' like a mad man in the wee hours of night, provoking craziness in another mad man in the East who threatens to vaporize one island after another in crazy retaliation? This craziness happens as the 'Czar' of a fallen superpower rendezvous with the owner of the iron fist of the 'true' superpower these days to divide the world's wealth between themselves. What else can you do other than turn to your 'comrades' in the creative make-believe world where good triumphs over evil? Of course, in our current reality, it's "evil vs. evil"! Therefore, 'escape' is necessary! Personally, many battles were won in 2017, and I feel like many of the 'good seeds' cultivated in very hard toil are finally springing to yield the 'good fruits', and I can't describe the happiness that I feel. It's too beautiful for words! It's too 'grand' a feeling especially when I think about the benefits to the younger people around me whose dreams will be fulfilled, and whose families will be better off because of the very good education that we helped them achieve. Of course, because I hate focusing the limelight towards myself, I express my happiness in my usual 'dry humor' + sarcasm that only a few get... and those who refuse to give me credit for anything because they want it all for themselves respond with condescending remarks that is completely off-key. Others 'pity' me for 'sacrificing' my 'own happiness' - for my work. And, by 'own happiness', they, of course, mean not being married! 😆 It doesn't get old, I tell ya! And it's really very old fashioned, too! But what else can I expect? People will always pull you down... bomb your soaring spirit on flight until they see you careening down towards sadness and loneliness. They measure you up based on their limited standard. And, of course, for the life of them, they cannot see what you see... the vision, and the wonderful things that you imagine in your head - planted there and made to flourish by a spring of inspiration coming from answered prayers. When you don't have what they have that's making them happy, they cannot imagine
Seeing reindeer on New Year's Day!
you being happy at all. So, you just have to be patient... and understanding. Of course, when you don't try to explain to them how happy you are, they assume that you are wallowing in sadness. 😊 And they look at you with such condescending pity, it's laughable! But, what do they know? They will only know what they assume... and it's sad - for them. They will never know what's inside me... how I truly feel, and how fulfilled I feel because I embraced what God has given me. I am living it... I am living God's will, and I am making the most of it - to His greater glory! "Mission accomplished, Lord!" How many people can say that? Of course, I have battle scars all over... but I got through to victory with the Holy Spirit's orchestration... because I let the Holy Spirit direct me... no matter how difficult the path, no matter how heart-wrenching the consequences of the hard choices I had to make. In the end, God's desired outcome is attained - for the good of most, not just for the success of one individual. In fact, never for the success of only one individual. And that's God's will... and that's all that matters. *** The trouble was not the year 2017 itself, or God's presence in our midst because He is present.
Here's to you, 2018! May you be kind to us.
The choices that many arrogant individuals who believe that they hold the key to the world's success and happiness was the big trouble. In 2017, many such individuals emerged or re-surfaced... and it was extremely sad for humanity. And, yet, they do not really hold the key to our happiness... therefore, the choice is still ours. And happiness is still up for grabs! After all, when you trust in the Lord, when you give everything up to Him... every single day, no matter how difficult, is a solemn sacrifice... and every single thought is a prayer. So, just when the world is getting sick and tired of the 'experimental antics' of 2017, with outcomes that went from extremely atrocious to extremely delightful, along came 2018! We don't know yet what it brings us but, boy, are we all so ready now for a big change - for the better! I wish for the world to bloom and flourish to a new life... in the refreshing dew of goodwill, hope and love. I'm keeping the faith! Oh, and by the way, I do have a 'strong feeling' about 2018. And, I can't wait to find out why! 💗 ***
...because I craved Thai food... therefore, grabbed Thai food. ============================================================================ by PAM It's been a while since the last time I posted a 'foodie' stuff here, not because I lost interest in foodie-ing but because I can't find the time to write a new post here. Heck, I can't even find the time to visit my own blog for the past how many weeks! I've become a full-time 'hardcore bore'... how very sad. But I digress.... While on last-minute Christmas shopping, and I mean, Iiterally last-minute... as in a few hours
Pad Thai... classic taste.
before the midnight Mass, I was dashing for Christmas gifts for my loved ones in a nearby shopping mall. And because the mall was crawling with last-minute shoppers like myself, it was 'cut-throat' out there! It was so intense that I got dizzyingly hungry, and the first thing to come to mind was Thai food! So, I made a beeline with my sisters to my trusty Thai restaurant, Lemongrass Thai Asian Food Park. It used to be called something else, Sweet Chili Thai Fish and Noodle House, and I wrote a Sunday Foodie entry about it a few years ago, also around this time. I don't know why they changed the name of the restaurant, and it didn't occur to me to ask. I visited the place twice already after its change of name, and the quality of food, in my opinion, stayed the same - very good. So, in a 'challenging moment' that can only be fixed by food, it was my 'go to' place. I knew what I wanted, and I ordered it as soon as we arrived - it was Pad Thai. I also ordered a glass of Lemongrass cooler, which was not only refreshing but it also woke the sense of taste to full activity, ready for the main dish. I also ordered a plate of fried spring rolls, which was also very good - delightfully crunchy on the outside and the veggies cooked to perfection inside. My sisters and I ended up ordering a bunch of stuff from the restaurant - for our noche buena, and spent the remaining time before the midnight Mass shopping for loved ones instead of cooking. Overall, it was good. ***
Little acts of love, and a 'splash of colors'... ...an antidote to an all-engulfing strange feeling of emptiness.
In the past two months or so, I have been receiving many presents from students and colleagues - for no 'big' reasons. I am not really into flowers or chocolates or 'cutesy' stuff, but I do appreciate thoughtfulness and kindness... those expressions of sincere and warm caring... including those in the form of 'cutesy' stuff. Sometimes a mere hint of a smile or a little nod of encouragement is more than enough for me especially 'when the going is tough', and I need to keep going even when I'm not all that tough. I work hard... like a 'maniac' sometimes because I'm driven by a sense of mission, and I am overly aware of how short life can be. Therefore, I rarely find the time to 'smell the flowers', but our students and some colleagues (and my family, of course) bring me 'the garden'... and in such impeccable timing, too, which is whenever I need it. That keeps depression at arm's length. Yes, depression is REAL, and so is the feeling of anxiety. And that strange feeling of 'emptiness' that hits us out of nowhere sometimes - that is real, too. They can pull one into a dark, frightening abyss; can plague the mind with disturbing images, distorted by self-doubt and paranoia, and can poison reasoning and emotion to illogical hysteria; can drown one's hope in a sea of grave sadness so utterly deep and all-engulfing, they can leave one in a total emotional wreck, out of control; can leave a paralyzing heavy weight on one's chest that not even the happiest of memories can lift. They are numbing, devastating, and can shatter one to pieces. But they can be OVERCOME - with love, and with faith in God. And that is MORE REAL! There is plenty of love around - in our campus... especially in the Faculty of Engineering of the University where I teach, and God's presence can be felt from all the love and deep caring. I hope that our students find them... and if they don't find these little nuggets of love and those little packets of soothing balm for the soul on their own, I hope that they'd reach out, or holler for help. I hope that they'd muster the courage to open up and reach out... and we'll be there with outstretched arms, reaching out to them, too. They need not drown in sorrow; they need not be devastated by depression; they need not be left numb by anxiety; they need not dwell in that dark abyss of grave sadness and melancholy. There is help. There is love - pure love of family and friends, of mentors and peers... true, deep and endless love that is God, and it's REAL! ***
...3, 2, 1. Welcome, October! ============================================================================ by PAM And, here we are, at last. The 'darkness' of night has faded... and a new day begins. ⛅ I'm 'awake', thank you. I wish to begin the month of October with an inspirational Message, a Homily, actually, from the Master of the Order of Preachers (Dominicans), the Very Rev. Fr. Bruno Cadoré,O. P., M.D., Ph.D., who is also the Chancellor of the University of Santo Tomas (UST) where I teach. I received the great gift of shaking the hand of the venerable Master, and receiving his blessing, when he visited UST about a couple of weeks ago. After contemplating last January to April on the life and works of the Blessed Jordan of Saxony, the successor of St. Dominic, and now the Patron Saint of the Faculty of Engineering, which I lead, I felt so blessed, indeed, to be in the company of St. Dominic's 86th successor. It was, indeed, an incredible experience. I chanced upon an article on an event that took place almost exactly one year ago when Fr. Cadoré presided the celebration of the Mass to launch the General Congregation of the Jesuits in Rome. He led the Congregration of Jesuits in praying, "Lord, Increase Our Faith!" Below is the full text of Fr. Cadoré's homily, and I hope to be forgiven for borrowing it, and posting it here.
"Lord, Increase our Faith." What a beautiful prayer - "daring to aim for the improbable", as Fr. Cadoré describes it. The past five months, especially September, had been very difficult time for me... I felt it was 'improbable' to survive it. My health was not at its usual level of 'tip-top shape'... and I was afraid. I've walked 'this road' before... a road that could have been the very end of the journey. Well, at least, this part of the journey... this life. And, I walked alone this time... because I did not want to worry my family... and my supposed friends - my second family, had been very busy criticizing me... my 'temper' (as they call my admonitions), made short by all the pains, and their unacceptable incompetencies, if I'd be honest about it. And, through it all, I never made excuses, I performed my duties - to the very best of my ability, to prevent disruption in the progress we are making. It really is rather easy to see the faults of people around us... to criticize rather than to show sympathy, to ask why, to extend a helping hand... especially when we fail to realize our own incompetence, or have realized it but we're unwilling to confront it lest we see the ugly face of our own insecurities; and because it is easier to criticize someone else than to do something about our own shortcomings, or confronting the feeling of being emasculated from admitting that there are things that others can do that we cannot. In this case it might be easier to belittle what others can do and have done, twist the picture, and focus on their weaknesses instead... their 'temper' most of all! Why not magnify our little accomplishments, and make people fume over the shortcomings of others, especially those who have annoyingly accomplished so much that we feel so much lesser? That is a lot easier, isn't it? Yes, it is, for those of us 'who pursue first their own interests', that is. All good deeds are, indeed, easily forgotten with one fault - a slip, because of all the unbearable pain, the numbing fear, the silent suffering, the doubts, the uncertainties. That sounds like an excuse... but, no, it's a lamentation over the unfortunate ways of the world. And yet, it does not justify hurting another's feelings, bruising another's ego. It is still lamentable, no matter that it was accidental, or deserved because one asked for it, or out of dealing with one's pain. And it is lamentable to cause someone else pain under this circumstances, or any circumstance for that matter. My own physical pains are still here... they are not dulled by taking a 'nap' in September, and I will suffer from them for a long time... but I am prepared to live with them now... at least, for how ever long this journey was set to last for me. Most of all, I am prepared to accept the lack of sympathy, the lack of understanding, the judgements, the unfair criticisms that emanate from one's bruised ego and insecurities. For as long as the people that matter understand, I won't suffer from these things. These people may be very few... but theirs are the opinions that matter... because such opinions are borne out of fairness and love - true, unconditional love. And I will always value that love with all my heart, and it shall keep me going. I'm counting my blessings... and it's a lot! My goodness, it's a lot! 😇🙏 I shall continue to persevere, to share my blessings with others, by guiding young people so that they, too, may enjoy the gifts of God that I enjoyed tremendously, not allowing myself to be 'shut' in darkness again by all the disappointments and frustrations that give the feeling of hopelessness; to remain focused on my duties and vocation, to focus on my being an 'unworthy servant', not worrying about other things, especially those that are beyond my control, because, as Fr. Cadoré said, "everything depends on God". I wish to borrow Fr. Cadoré's prayer, the prayer that comes as a passionate whisper from my heart at the moment: Lord, I am an 'unworthy servant: I have only done my duty'. Help me make that decision, and retain the joy in my heart. 'Lord, Increase my Faith!' Amen. *** Quotation credit: Homily by Very Rev. Fr. Cadoré,O.P., M.D.,Ph.D., the Master of the Order of Preachers, during the Celebration of Mass of the Jesuit General Congregation on 2 October 2016 in Rome. ***
...when September ends." ======================================================================= by PAM I'm going to take a little "nap" here... my system is asking for a "reboot" - it's kinda reached an overload. And, I've been failing to "de-fragmentalize", too... so it kinda reached a "messy" state now, it just keeps crashing. Of course, people love napping... but not when somebody else does it instead of them - it doesn't matter the countless sleepless nights one had endured to deserve a few "minutes" of a "nap". But who cares? I've gone deep enough through life now to care about what insignificant people (who certainly regard themselves as significant... but who am I to shatter their illusions?) think. When people judge you for the little things that you missed, and forget about how you laid down your very life to help them conquer those big mountains, on the apex of which, they now stand, you know they're not worth a hoot of a bother. So, carry on... nap away! 💤😏
🎶 "Summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends." 🎶
There is nothing that good rockin' music can't fix, I tell ya! Aw, man... Green Day, thank God for you and your incredible music! 🎸🎶 🎉 And they sound great live, too. So, it adds tremendously to the whole wonderful experience of listening to them. A raging, desperate prayer from a very melancholy soul.
And because they sing from the heart, and from the soul, we take another spin, and a serious one at that...
🎶 "Do you know what's worth fighting for...?
...Did someone break your heart inside?
...you're in ruins.
...when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
your faith walks on broken glass...
...nothing's ever built to last...
...you're in ruins.
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
give up the fight." 🎶
Dang, too good! I'm desperate for a conversation with Billie Joe Armstrong right now... "how d'ya know when it's time to give up 'the fight'... and what happens after that?" Of course, in all his infamous imperfections (and perversion at times, I must add), I expect an eye-roll around heavily penciled lids, before swinging his guitar and breaking into this...
"...make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life."
Aw, gosh... it just evaporates the 'blues', doesn't it? 🎻🎶 It's smart, it's wise, it's rockin' fun... just awesome! 🎉🎉🎉 And y'know, no matter how troubled your life seems to be at the moment, luck will come around...
"...you can't go forcing something if it's just not right.
No time to search the world around
'Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around."
Man, that drums and percussion beat courtesy of Tre Cool... so awesome! 🎶🏆🎉 It never gets old - NEVER for me, anyway. It's the perfect pick-me-up on a really annoyingly boring time... made worse by an incredible heap of stupidity around. It just makes you forget about the dreadful scenario when said heap is about to make a 'landfall' to mess up the whole country. God help us! And, it's best on earphones, too - the music, I mean... seriously! Too good, man!
🎶 "I walk this empty street
on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one, and I walk alone...
...Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone." 🎶
Uhm, noise! Energy. Rage. Frustration. Fear. Hope. Perseverance. Wisdom. More hope. When you're in the middle of chaos, and nothing seems to make sense - from the small-scale to the large-scale issues, how can one not feel solidarity with this band and their music? Most especially when there's no one around you who seems to get it... just because they are so full of themselves. I can just listen to this song all day instead... seriously. That eloquent bassline that holds the 'noise' into one cohesive tune, courtesy of Mike Dirnt, is worth a million bucks. And he holds the 'noise off-stage', too. You gotta give it to the man, he's just great. So, yeah, I'm just here... "napping" - in peace, hopefully... until the "category 5" stupidity is dissipated by wind shear. Hopefully, with less catastrophe than expected. And, yeah, do "wake me up... when September ends". *** Video credit: Thanks, YouTube, for the video links. ***
If only all mothers were like you... full of love, lives in humility and selflessness rather than self-centeredness, then this world would be a better place.
These days, many mothers use their kids as "accessories" - only diamonds, the size of a dice, and poreless face are of higher value. In this age of social media where people can invent their lives in a parallel on-line world, they flaunt their kids as the kids' very existence is 'just a part' of their personal achievements - making a pretty profile pic on social media... which 'should' be far greater than any 'successful' single woman's around. Single women, or married but childless women, are very poor losers whose existence will never be 'complete' - according to our society. They have no one else to continue pursuing and fulfilling their unfulfilled dreams - according to society. And that's the way it is, the way it must be in a world where women should 'spawn' kids, in whatever and however way, to become 'complete' - according to them, 'wonderful mothers' in this society anyway. And yet, do they know their kids at all? Do they know what makes these kids laugh... or cry? What just broke their hearts? What just made them all pink and giggly? What fascinates them? What are they passionate about? What makes their hearts beat fast out of exhilaration and awe? What sends them breathless in admiration? What they dream about at night, and what they dream of every single day? What just offended them and made them lose their cool? What kind of music they listen to, and whose... and why? What disappoints them? What frustrates them? Who just hurt them... just now? Do they have time for their kids? Do they even pay attention?
I remember what Khalil Gibran wrote in "The Prophet", a book I reviewed back in High School - when I didn't know any better:
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows through which your children as living arrows are set forth.
The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."
Some points are worth pondering, some are too tentative in referring to God as the giver of the gift of children, and of life itself. But I do agree that children must be cherished as the most precious gifts from God as they are... and that Mothers, or parents for that matter, should serve as a 'steady bow', the vessel of love, through which these 'arrows' are sent forth to their mission in God's plan. Wasn't it the Master Himself who gave Mary to us to be our mother, looking upon us from the cross where he redeemed us all (and I mean, 'all', not just what this society refer to as the 'lucky ones' who have been blessed with children) from the bondage of sins? If God sees all of us as equally deserving of His love, and the love of a mother, why can't we do the same with one another?
Holy Mary, mother of God... where's your Son? Did He leave our hearts? Can He not stand the filth anymore, all that self-centeredness that makes us to look at ourselves to be better than others? Pray for us, sinners... because we need it.
Too many wishes - for ourselves... when we should be giving you 'gifts' because it's your birthday. Accept our love, our imperfect humanity... but the very imperfection that your Son came to mend, so we can be worthy again of the Father's love. Hold our hands, dear mother... and lead us to the way of your Son. May we learn His ways, may we be one with Him in the Truth... the Truth that is God's Love, the Truth that is God. Amen.
...reminiscin' because, do you remember, September? ======================================================================= by PAM Some say 'time flies when you're having fun'... and yet, when days are lousy and dry, you 'sleep it off'... before you know it, time has ran out, too! And then you begin again. Whew, August went fast! I just realized that I only had one post here for the month of August this year... and the first day of September will be over in a few minutes, too. Where did all the days of August go? I actually don't remember much... but I am sure many things happened within the month. I guess, I was just rushing from one 'big plate' to another... and I kind of remember, there were many 'ugly' things around. In fact, I believe many things were quite intense... and I had very intense reaction to each as well... and yet, I tried to keep the rants, grunts and the sighs of frustration low. And that reminds me of one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands in the '80s: "Thinking of you" by The Colourfield.
🎼🎶 "...so walk where angels fear to thread for everything you've ever wanted...
...I could be the one thing left in your hour of need,
so if you decide to change your views, I'm thinking of you.
...we should take a bus to somewhere else, to something new
thank God we're alive and bite off more than we can chew.
Do the things that just don't matter, laugh while others look in anger,
stumble over four-leaf clovers, and say goodbye to lonely banners!
If you ever think of me, I'd be thinking of you
through thick and thin, I'd bear it and grin
and never give in.
...so if you decide to change your views,
I'm thinking of you." 🎶🎵
I know, if you watched the video without the sound, it could surely be the most stolid performance you could ever have watched in your whole life! And yet, if you listened to the lyrics of the song, my goodness, how so very profound! I love how their fabulous frontman, Terry Hall, tried so hard to look bored... and yet, he can't seem to help making those cute eye-rolls, and giving hints-of-smile... very charming, indeed!
Yep, back in the days when I was at the height of my teenage cynicism and desperately wishing for profundity from my 'boring' environment and circumstance, I absolutely adored The Colourfield! I felt an incredible affinity with their 'sadder than sad', skeptical, cynical and bored songs... only because listening to their songs then was the safest and most benign way of expressing rebellion, boredom and angst. 😠🎧🎶 Uh, yeah, teenagers then were quite responsible and considerate even in expressing their anger and dissatisfaction, so why should I deviate? 😂 I guess I was aware then that it was just a phase... and there was no point in creating permanent damage to relationships (and to my image lest I become famous someday 😜) while I went through a phase.
Now, I wish I had that 'teenager's excuse'... that I'm going through 'a phase', therefore, I'd like to be left alone so I could listen to 'my sad songs' in peace!
🎶 "...I really wanted to share forgotten dreams
go though the motions of loving from afar
and feel as if I'm reaching for the stars.
But each drop of hopelessness amounts to what could be a raging sea
It could be spring time, I'd meet her at the gates
if beauty ever comes to those who wait.
Castles in the air,
if only they were there...." 🎶
Oh, oh, oh... oh, how so beautiful! So sad and yet so 'secretly' hopeful, so cynical and yet so poetic, so angry and yet so lovingly tender. And that beat... ah, my goodness, whatever happened to music? Wherever this sort of beautiful concoction of emotional desperation and intelligent play of words have gone these days? No wonder, people kill themselves when they're sad these days... they do not have these songs to wallow on... and then, the very same songs to inspire them to embrace the sadness of life... because underneath the sad, sad tune is a profundity whose depth and breathtaking beauty is so worth spending our whole lives pondering! My goodness, life is good, why waste it? Why throw it away?
🎶 "...I kissed goodbye to an ugly youth
leapt off the world and followed you. ...you took my hand and led me to a magic sign and we found love on a stained glass plate you touched my head and gave me faith and said I must be strong in this world of hate. You kissed my lips and took my breath away." 🎶 How they can sing about political issues, expressed their views fiercely in an upbeat tune, and made them sound like a love song, too, was impressive. We used to 'slam dance to "Confession", not knowing exactly how Terry Hall was editorializing the political situation of Great Britain when the song came about. That's their strength, y'see, when they wish to 'editorialize', they did it in a fun way that left their listeners freedom to disagree with them... and yet, giving enough room to agree - on the dance floor. They avoided preaching, and were not afraid to look like they were singing with tongue-in-cheek... because they knew they have intelligent enough listeners to know the difference.
But, yeah, they were at their very best when they offered their listeners a shoulder to cry on. It was absolutely irresistible then, it's totally irresistible now...
🎶 "...Why did summer go so quickly, was it something that you said? Lovers walk along the shore and leave their footprints in the sand. Is the sound of distant drumming just the fingers of your hand? Pictures hanging in the hallway and the fragments of a song Half-remembered names and faces but to whom do they belong? When you knew that it was over you were suddenly aware that the autumn leaves were turning to the color of her hair." 🎶
See, whatever 'misfortunes' I may be experiencing or have experienced before, I guess they are nothing compared to the wonderful experience of finding this band and their music at the height of their creativity. Their music was inspired... and so, they also inspire. I didn't always subscribe to the ideas that they offered... but the subtlety by which they stated them manifested respect to their listeners. And that heightened my admiration. Every word and note was a treasure... a little pearl that seemed like a tear, the manifestation of sadness... but it was actually a gem - a fortification of the treasures of the seas, hidden in a hard unremarkable shell. And that further heightened its otherwise understated beauty. Indeed, 'time flies when you're having fun', thank goodness for classics... and classic memories! *** Video credit: Thanks, YouTube, for the video links. ***
