E-mail exchange: Two friends from graduate school pursued two different professional paths, one joined the Academia while the other opted for the industry. Although separated by oceans, they kept in touch. From both sides, it felt like success was in the horizon early on, but the demands of their works made them a-wanting for what's not there - time for one's self.
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by Philipina A. Marcelo
When we were little, we looked at grown up people around us and wished we were grown-ups, too. There was something about their success, the seemingly smart decisions they always come up with, their financial independence, and those good looking and equally successful people they go out with that made us wish we were wearing those big shoes they wore. Now that our own shoes are as big, we often wince at how very little, if at all, “play time” we can manage to squeeze-in in our often (very) packed "grown-up schedule". We often catch ourselves longing for the simplicity of childhood while we sit in our expensive comfortably stuffed couch staring blankly at our equally expensive plasma TV - alone! And we wonder where did the plan go wrong!
Like a “normal grown-up”, I was spending the holidays tidying up the house, being lazy, and catching up on social e-mails and found the exchange below:
Message 1:
Hey X,
Happy holidays! Have fun! (",)
Take care,
Y
Message 2:
Hey Y,
Merry Christmas to you, too! I heard you went to see Z in Malaysia and saw the Sampras-Federer game. I'm so jealous!!! Things have been very hectic for me and I am having a much needed vacation.
And, have you heard, W said she's moving to the Connecticut/New York area soon since she found another job. I haven't seen her yet though. I'll meet up with her when she gets here.
How are things with you?
-X
Message 3:
Hey X,
Thanks! How are you? What's up in NY?
Uh, yeah, you should be jealous because Z and I had an awesome time in Malaysia! ;-) Just kidding… we did have fun, but no need to be jealous. Actually, Z was complaining about how short my vacation was... I was complaining, too! But, I can only be away for a few days from work... you know how grown-up stuff could be a pain... the operative words are always "busy", "hectic", "hard", "challenging" and all other variants of "busy"! :)
Yeah, W's "letting go" of prestigious Company A in the rural State and finally opting for smaller Company B in a "more social" State! :) But the last time I contacted her (about a couple of weeks ago), she hasn't moved... she was in Canada, on a night shift, still in Company A! She said she'd explain, but it looks like she got caught up in the holiday rush. Anyway, you ladies have fun when she finally gets there!
As for me... well, life is about "grown-up stuff". I'm very busy setting up my lab in the university these days, and trying to resist the "nagging call" of the industry, which gets louder by the day. It's all about pursuing-passion-with-minimal-pay vs. interesting-change-to-life-of-perks for me these days... and the "passion" and "interesting" parts have nothing to do with "social life" either, mind you! :) Wait, is "sad" a variant of "busy"? =)
Anyways, enjoy your vacation! I hope you get re-charged!
Take care,
Y
Message 4:
Hey Y,
I'm spending Christmas and New Year at my brother's in Houston. It's a much needed break (yeah, in Houston... talk about "sad"!) because work has been insanely busy. Otherwise, not much else is happening for me. It has been pretty much from home straight to work and then home again. It feels like, I just go home to shower and change clothes! There’s not even enough time to get a decent sleep. Whoever said that getting a PhD at 26 was going to be great was a big fraud!
The calls of industry, uh…can be really overrated… hahaha. I just want a less stressful job, that’s all. I don't think money is everything… although being paid more can temporarily dull the pain, it will not last long. It's tough meeting people for me, too. Don't know where the (decent) men are, but at the same time I want to move home and it probably makes more sense for me to go home and then look for someone. When? I don’t know, still figuring it out. Until when? I don’t know… still figuring it out. You want me to go on? :-)
Anyway, take it easy! Hopefully I can visit you next year!
-X
It seems that we got some things wrong here somewhere. Rather than just being plain busy, I thought life was about being occupied with something meaningful - something that interest us beyond just achieving success but rather pursuing our passions and ideals, and having someone special to share the joys and pains of our pursuit. We know that we chose our professions to dedicate our time to this end and achieve something not just for ourselves but also for those close to our hearts. It seems, however, that by trying to get a lot of things done and engaging in a lot of things too soon to respond to the demands of our jobs, we lose the essence of our end. And we end up short to feeling fulfilled in spite of our hardwork. So, what to do? We're grown-ups now, somehow, we should be able to figure this out.
Perhaps, it's all about balance... balance between work and social life (or home)... balance between ambition and spirituality... balance between what we want to achieve and how much we're capable of achieving, given our circumstances. My Mom used to say that the balancing act is so much easier when you know someone is right there to catch you if you fall, the same someone who would help turn everything to happiness, no matter what. Come to think of it, my Mom was my favorite grown-up.
