Hi, July...

...you're back.  And, I see that you're better than ever - good!
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by PAM


Yep, July is my favorite month... and for a very good reason, too: it's my birth month! :)  As many of my close friends would know, I dislike 'celebrating' my birthday with all that

They call me by a different name these days, so weird.

stressful fun fare, me being a 'mild anti-social' who prefer a quiet gathering with family and very close friends... just being ourselves, enjoying a quiet meal, laughing at our really shallow jokes.  This year, I spent the day... uhm, working - from home!  Nevertheless, a few people insisted on making sure that I felt how special the day was... they sent very nice text messages, e-mails... and some left little mementos on my desk in the Office.  But I had a tough mission on my birthday, that I had to work very hard not to be distracted (translation: emotional) by all the very warm greetings, and go all sappy and sentimental about the whole birthday 'celebration' thing, and how my current circumstance was not allowing me to have a celebration... and I wasn't fighting to have one either!  

Nah, I'm not training to be a heartless hermit or something.  I just feel like I am in that situation where I feel there is so much blessings coming my way that I honestly feel I don't

Now, that's a nice wish that I appreciate.

deserve... just because I didn't pray for any of them!  Therefore, while I try very hard to make the most of all the blessings, turning them to an offering to God, I can't help but feel all paranoid, and asking, "dear Lord, what's the catch?" :)  And then, I remember, it's God... there's no catch.  There never is a catch when He is concerned.  And so, I decided to spend some hours on my birthday... just enjoying the beauty of never having to worry about 'the catch' in quiet contemplation. And, as always, it feels indescribably great... I won't trade it for fancy gifts - ever!

Anyway, on my birthday, in my quiet contemplation, I can't help but think about "Too much Happiness", a compilation of short stories by the great Alice Munro - the latest recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature.  There was a passage in one of the short stories there that would usually fill my head when I close my eyes to contemplate on something these days:

"Be quiet, be quiet, she wanted to tell them.  It seemed to her that silence was necessary, that everything in  the world outside the boy's body had to concentrate, help it not to lose of its duty to breathe.
"Shy but steady whiffs now, a sweet obedience in the chest.  Keep on, keep on."

It was one of those short stories, where the protagonist, Doree, while on her way to perform a 'routine self-imposed obligation' that effectively rendering her life on unfair stand-still, saw a vehicular accident.  She tried to help the boy in the accident to survive by administering first-aid while they waited for the ambulance.  She didn't realize that

Now, that's a shape and color I prefer. Soon....

the 'distraction' actually took her away from the acceptance of an empty existence - her routine... suddenly realizing the precious gift of life she had all the right to enjoy rather than throw away in favor of an empty routine. 

Sometimes, I feel that way... that I am taking care of "someone" who met an "accident", while we wait for the "real" help, and get the victim regain his health, be back on his feet... and run again.  The only difference is that, in my case, the victim, the accident and the help is one and the same.  The happy thing is it's breathing now, it's helping itself, and it looks as though it will progress steadily to get on its feet soon... and then, I'd be free to disentangle myself from my 'distraction'... and run a 'different race'.  It's only a matter of time now.  :)

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