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by PAM
It's been truly grueling four years and two months! Yes, I'm still counting.
In the past few months I've been 'running on empty'... and the inspiration was seeping out of my slightly 'broken' heart. 'Broken' because I realized that none of the hard work mattered to most. Many people have their own agenda and personal motivations, and the workplace is just a 'spring board' to lift themselves up to reach their own personal prize. They have no qualms about picking the fruits of other people's hard labor, claiming the credit for ideas that are not theirs, and over-stretching the patience of those who indulge their ego-fattening whims. It's disappointing because, in this profession, one would think that it would be devoid of anything as nauseating as being self-centered and should be filled only with selflessness - in scholarly pursuits, in leading the young towards knowledge, and in mentoring younger colleagues who wish sincerely to do the former two.
I've always thought that, with good intentions and good example in leadership, such unscrupulous behavior can be quashed... but I've been discovering that some people are simply made of stuff that is completely beyond anyone's good influence. While I know I shouldn't let myself be affected by such people, I can't help but be overburdened
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| Just when the place was all so frozen out, I chose to go and visit. That's alright, "because the cold doesn't bother me, anyway"! |
So before I completely ran out of 'inspiration fuel', I finally mustered the courage and strength to 'let everything go' for a bit... to visit a place that my heart so longed to visit for so many years now. And, now, is the best time to finally visit it... when inspiration is running out, and it has to be replenished - in a way that is most dramatic and drastic. Therefore, I flew out, and visited a place teeming with inspiration: the Vatican City... and well, Italy itself.
To begin my 'harvest' of inspiration, I decided to take a walk along the 'corridors' of the rich history of the Roman Catholic Church, I decided to visit the Vatican Museums first.
An incredible collection... awesome in its breadth and depth.
I was prepared to be awed, but I wasn't prepared to be so overwhelmed! Now, more than ten days later, I was still trying to understand what 'hit' me. It was quite impossible to fully comprehend... all that passion, all that commitment in perfecting one's gift in order to make a masterpiece of such timeless value that is worth offering to God. They are all so very overwhelming! I thought I was giving it my all - every single bit of what I have. And yet, there I was, with a dearth of offering in my hands... so insignificant, so very modest and scant. I felt utterly small... and yet, so inspired, especially in the midst of all that stunning work by Michaelangelo Buonarroti in the Sistine Chapel... the mastery, the intellectual prowess that was so apparent in how he showed the depth of God's wisdom through his artistry, the knowledge of the Bible that was quite beyond most men, and the faith that was nothing else but moving. It was an overwhelming experience to be engulfed in such beauty, such 'calm intensity'.
As a real pilgrim, I proceeded to the St. Peter's Basilica... not knowing what to expect after a day of being awed in the Vatican Museums. I prepared to be amazed, but I was sure that amazement is too shallow an emotion for such an experience.
A deep breath, a sigh... and an incoherent prayer.
Indeed, there was no word to describe the experience. Therefore, I shall not attempt to describe it here. Suffice it to say that I'm glad I set this as a goal this year, and that I am overjoyed that God answered my prayer to be in the Vatican, especially at this point in time when all I need is to be closest to the most vivid manifestation of one's faith in God.
I was looking for inspiration... I found it. Now, I just need to figure out where this leads me, and where such inspiration can be of best use - for God's greater glory. Therefore, the 'journey' continues.
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Acknowledgement: Thanks, YouTube, for allowing me to use your video creator in making the two videos here.
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