It's been 'raining cats and dogs'... again. Big drops of rain are pouring out of the sky, escaping the swollen thickness of air like desperate prisoners unleashing that unquenchable thirst for dear freedom. Thunderbolt and lightning echo the rains' desperation to drench the land left feverish by summertime.
In all those waves of mother nature's emotion, what called my attention was this little sulfur cosmos (cosmos sulphureus) flower at our backyard that was gracefully braving all that deluge of nature's anguish. One might think that after hours and hours of rain, the poor little flower would be falling apart from carrying the weight of all the raindrops on its petals... but it did not. It stayed upright, it remained pretty. It swayed with the wind, sometimes dodging a gigantic raindrop in the process, but it held on steadfastly. Its color remained sunny and cheerful... all eight petals unruffled and the pretty orange disk floret remained intact, punctuating the cheery color of the petals in contrast of their own that was quite fiery. And the flower is surrounded by the lush green leaves of the cosmos plant.
This resilient little flower is a beautiful reminder that no matter what the situation is, no matter how harsh and challenging, one's natural goodness can remain intact. And, when we focus on that goodness, we can remain good... no matter the relentless waves of emotional challenge around us. This is because our goodness is from God... God who is the being of goodness.
And, as we embrace our goodness - God's goodness, we can be beautifully delicate and vulnerable... but beautifully resilient, too... amid harshness.
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Image credit: The photo in this post belongs to me. I took it using my old Samsung Galaxy Note 9.
Yup, it's been quite confusing lately. We have a second home in a place outside Metro-Manila that is also within "MegaMetro-Manila", and which is close to my workplace 'annex'. So, I have been spending most of my time in the second home. Whenever I need to be in the main workplace, however, I go back to our first home. And when I need to shuttle back-and-forth between the old and new home, when people ask, "are you going home," I would not know exactly how to answer.
So, where is home, really? I guess, this song has the answer...
🎶"But don't think of me not being around
Just listen for the sweet, sweet sound
of the taxi pulling up the driveway
I'm coming home soon..."🎶
I guess it's about where your presence is awaited and welcomed... and where you feel awaited and welcomed. Home is where you are surrounded by love - in many forms, through many forms. Sometimes through the presence of family members, sometimes through the bits and pieces that evoke warm memories shared with loved ones, sometimes its the delicious smell of fresh cooking or that smell of cleanliness and freshness that seems to hug you to rejuvenation... many forms, indeed. All lovely, cozy forms.
Therefore, whether I was in our place in Metro-Manila or in Mega-Metro-Manila (or even in Pangasinan where I was born... or in New York where I studied and where I became the person that I am now), I'd be home. And I am glad.
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Oh, and about the song...
I came across the song "Coming Home Soon" (CHS) by Adam Woodall by binge-watching the Hallmark drama series "Chesapeake Shores" (CS) on Netflix while I was convalescing from a bad, bad case of flu, and it's all I can do not to go insane from boredom and frustration. CHS is the theme song of CS.
"Chesapeake Shores" is a Hallmark series that started to air on Hallmark Channel in 2016, and streamed internationally on Netflix. I've heard so much about it then but I just can't be bothered. I was a 'woman on a mission', and paying attention to fiction-on-TV was not my cup of tea that time. Well, unless it was Star Trek... and the likes. Well, of course, knowing what I know now, I should've enjoyed life more then... and didn't give too many pieces of myself... to the carnivorous vultures that pretended to be gentle doves of peace. Now that I can no longer retrieve those little pieces, I had to learn to grow more of myself within to fill out the voids and be stronger than ever. It's not easy but it's only a matter of time now and the 'new version' of myself should be ready to roll.
Now, back to CS. Chesapeake Shores is a 'tree' of stories of the big O'Brien family from a small town in Maryland called, yep, Chesapeake Shores. The story snaked to many branches of mini sub-stories following the lives of the five O'Brien siblings (Abby, Kevin, Bree, Connor and Jess), their parents (Mick and Megan) and their Irish grandmother, Nell O'Brien... with a whole bunch of people, mostly those in relationship with them. I think the general storyline of family, enduring family ties, love, and family love was very good and quite interesting given the widespread erosion of family as the basic building block of society... especially in many parts in the US. It is just a little bit intriguing, too, given how the O'Briens, as a family, seem to embrace tightly their Irish foundation in a place that can be considered hardcore American. It was mostly centered on the love story of the eldest O'Brien sibling, who was a divorcée based in New York City, Abby O'Brien-Winters, and her childhood sweetheart, Trace Riley. A downturn in her high-flying career in New York made Abby decide to return to Chesapeake Shores with her two little daughters at the O'Brien's family home. Just before that, Trace returned from a colorful music career in Nashville. It was a case of love, love lost, love-found-again, and what-now for Abby and Trace. In the background was the O'Briens' broken family history, which inched its way to the surface, trying to mend itself... creating many emotional sub-plots in the process.
And so, the lyrics of CHS fit how, after living a 'life on the road' for so long, Trace finally returns home to Chesapeake Shores to fulfill a dream that was mostly inspired by his love and early relationship with Abby. They broke up when, after High School, Abby moved to New York without saying goodbye. Trace followed his dream to New York but found her involved with someone else - the person she married, and with whom she shared two daughters. He moved to Nashville where he found success. Meanwhile, in New York City, Abby became successful in her career at Wall Street, but got divorced. As she became a single Mom and was forced to resign from her position of power at work, she sought solace with family at home in Chesapeake Shores. She found Trace rebuilding his life, after a tumultuous fast life in Nashville, and retracing the root of his music's inspiration.
Abby and Trace came home to Chesapeake Shores... and, as fate would have it, they came home to each other. It was sweet... beautiful and touching. Until the story went this way and that... and beautiful it no longer was. The theme song remained beautiful though... a good reason to keep binge-watching.
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Alright, so... Chesapeake Shores
I liked Season 1. Seasons 2 was a decent follow-up for Season 1's success. However, into Seasons 3 and 4... it started to feel drab... and exhausting as binge-watching goes, especially that storyline on Abby and Trace... and Jesse Metcalfe's one-dimensional portrayal of Trace's character. It became agonizingly boring towards Season 4, and it almost brought the whole series down the drain. Well, for me. Add to that Emilie Ullerup's overacting portrayal of the queen of overthinking, Bree O'Brien - too annoying. Everytime she was on screen, I felt that my energy gets zapped by all the facial expression and tone somersaults, argh. Also, the back-and-forth emotional turmoil of Jess O'Brien (Laci J. Mailey) was quite unbearable... it was almost painful to watch David Peck (played by Carlo Marks) fall for her and put up with all that waste of emotional energy... he deserved better. But, my goodness, Jess was so ethereally lovely though! She had the most exquisite pair of eyes. So, it's almost easy to forgive the mushy character. Not that Ullerup was not beautiful because she was... just overacting, that's all. Still, by Season 3, I almost gave up on the entire Series! Thank goodness for Abby and Mick O'Brien, portrayed very well by Meghan Ory and Treat Williams, respectively, there was some respite from all the poorly acted melodrama. By Season 4 and into Season 5, aside from Ory and Williams, I believe it was Andrew Francis (Connor O'Brien) that did most of the heavy weight lifting in the acting division. Francis' Connor just shown through and just made his way to the surface of strength of character - very good character development and acting there. The sweet and low key story subplot about Kevin, and Sarah, who became his wife, was also kind of easy to watch. Brendan Penny is such a reliable actor. He did a very good job, and he managed to make his character interesting without awkwardly 'stealing' the limelight like... yeah, Bree O'Brien.
By Season 5, Hallmark saw the light, and eliminated the character of Trace Riley. Hurrah! Trace was becoming Abby's biggest 'child' that, by the end of Season 4, both Abby's daughter, Carrie and Caitlyn, have outgrown him. Yep, that storyline was all that drab. But the show runners introduced another big mistake though, Jay Ross (Greyston Holt) as a romantic character opposite Abby - man, not again! And then, on Episode 3, Evan Kincaid (Robert Buckley), like a (weird) knight in a shining armor (well, more like Under Armour, actually) came on board to save the entire Series, making Jay Ross fade to oblivion! Buckley's Evan - an eccentric self-made billionaire was a breath of fresh air. His strong and commanding presence, and pushy-without-sounding-like-it-because-he-is-humurous-and-charming ways made Abby bristle, bringing up the very best of Meghan Ory in the acting division. They had a very, very good chemistry - it didn't feel forced. Their banters were so funny with Buckley's well-timed punchlines, and Ory's spirited returns. I felt like I was in the same room, participating in the conversation. I found myself laughing out loud whenever they are on screen together and bantering in high spirits, and especially when Mandrake (Wesley Salter), Evan's enigma of a chauffeur, was also involved. It was beautiful! Mick and Evan had a very good chemistry, too. Their scenes together were easy, brilliant and, at times, surprisingly touching.
See, it worked! Season 5 was like the renaissance of CS. Everybody seemed to be at his/her best in Season 5. Bree was not as annoyingly overacting as she was in the first four Seasons. There were moments when she was actually funny, relatable... and, yeah, loveable. Surely, Luke Tatum (Stephen Huszar) had a lot to do with it. Luke did a very good job taming the wildly emotion-somersaulting queen of overthinking. And if Bree can have that reinvented version of herself, imagine all the rest of the characters! Perhaps, Ullerup went on an acting workshop, huh? Good for her! But I gotta say, Ory was at her best - in acting and in looks - just gorgeous! I can say the same for Connor. In fact, S5E3 was my favorite, not just because Evan was introduced in that episode but because Connor, the awesome lawyer that he became, was unveiled in that episode, too. See? All Hallmark had to do was get rid of Trace. Too harsh? Uhm, okay, sorry!
I will certainly post more about Chesapeake Shores... although the final Season, Season 6, aired from August to October 2022, I am kind of wishing that Hallmark gives us another Season... or better yet, a spin-off. C'mon, Hallmark, we want us more Evan Kincaid here! And we want to see how little Mickey turned out. Let's go, Hallmark!
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Video credit: The owner is indicated in the video itself. Thanks, YouTube, for the link.
the words I never got to say the first time around...
if the whole world is watching I'd still dance with you...
...everything comes back to you." 🎶
I just returned from a trip to New York City after, I dunno... three years... since my last visit? Yeah, that sounds about right... three years. And, as I tiredly lie in my own bed after several nights of sleeping on hotel and guest beds (a story for another post), the song "This Town" by Niall Horan comes to mind.
I gotta say... I missed New York City. It hasn't changed too much since my last visit... it was still very crowded and many parts still stank from tons of garbage and all that... but it remained awesome, so alive, so vibrant, so larger than life!
I hope to visit again at some point... but just to hang out with friends and family rather than to visit for work. Until then, I'll hum along Niall's sincerity with a beautiful tune.
***
Video credit: The owner is indicated in the video. Thanks, YouTube, for the video link.
"Our quiet approach to life, our need for solitary time, isn't a flaw. It's a gift...
The unique attributes of introverts really are deep, quiet strength."
Introvert from the beginning... is the beginning
I used to live with my maternal grandparents when I was growing up. My grandmother then was so worried about how 'shy' I was, and how I usually preferred going with my grandfather in the fields and watch him farm from under a tree with our dog while perusing my Mother's old picture books rather than play with my cousins and other kids in our neighborhood. It wasn't true that I preferred being in the fields with my grandpa and that I was shy. I enjoyed being in the field, that's for sure, but only because I felt that the silence energized me. I consider those days that I spent with my grandpa to be some of the most enjoyable days of my childhood. He allowed me to be comfortable 'living in my own head' with the most beautiful of imaginations. And, I imagined, he himself enjoyed those moments in the field where he can be alone with his thoughts. When we ate lunch together in those beautiful fields of eggplants and tomatoes at summertime, we usually had quiet conversations. I enjoyed his stories about the years he spent in Guam, USA as a farmer, which he told in his calm and retrospective voice. When I grew up, I realized that those were some of the most memorable and most influential conversations I've had as a child. In fact, I learned my first English word from my grandfather in one of those conversations. The word was "salt"... and he used it in many contexts. My grandpa's sister, whenever she visited from Guam, and saw my grandpa and I walking home from the fields, she usually commented, "there they are, the odd pair of introverts."
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Anti-social vs. Introvert
In my past few posts here, I have been mentioning how I very much enjoy solitude. Yes, I am usually alone these days - both at work and at home (my second home, that is), but I am never lonely. I usually have 'a party in my head', which keeps me stimulated and entertained. In these parties, my brain is at its most creative. It gives wings to my soul as my soul soars in a truly beautiful vision of blue sky and feelings as soft as the gentlest of breeze - something that I never experience when talking (well, listening, mostly) to other people who are convinced that they have the most intelligent and the most important things to say (or write and share on social media). Whenever I have to 'party with others', I often find myself wishing to end the event midway through, and plotting to gun for the nearest exit. And so, I usually dread opening emails that 'require' me to accept an invitation to this event and that. I do enjoy a few gatherings... small ones - safe ones, or ones that allow me to stay with a small circle of like-minded people - a safe company. In most cases, I'd much rather return to my workplace, work quietly, and be more productive... except that finding my center of productivity after socializing or attending a meeting with more than one person usually requires a massive effort, and takes a very long time, too. An agony, truly; one that I do my best to avoid these days.
Many people, myself included, used to think that I was an 'antisocial'... but as I study anti-socialism and introversion, I am convinced that my grandpa's sister was right. I am, indeed, an introvert. And the older I get, it becomes more difficult to recover from socialization to reach a point where I can breathe easy. These days, I crave solitude more and more. Age might have something to do with it, too. In any case, I feel I am at my most creative when I work in solitude -- then and now... more so now. I feel that I can, indeed, 'gently shake the world' with the product of my soaring imagination borne from those 'parties in my brain'. And, as I do, I become more and more comfortable with the person that I am, the work and the role that I am meant to perform, the results that slowly crystallize as I distill my thoughts from all the noise around me, and the outcomes of my efforts from implementing distilled ideas quietly. I truly believe this is wonderful... except that many of my peers, or those who sit higher than where I sit, usually think that I probably believe that I do not have ideas bright enough for them to support, and this is why I avoid tossing my ideas on the table when everyone does with the loudest thud. If they only pay attention to, or muster the courage to overcome their bias and give me enough credit for the actual results of my verbally unexpressed ideas but actually implemented silently with much tenacity, they'd know that I am not as empty and weak as they believe just because I don't participate in their loud verbal sparring that they enjoy so much... but the work that follows, they enjoy - not so much... but I do.
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Soulful introversion
And those 'parties in my brain'... they take place in the cadence of heartfelt, beautiful prayers. And what are heartfelt prayers but silent conversations with God? And that is why I prefer them over those stressful loud verbal sparring where everyone seeks to be the one who had the last word. They tire me to the tips of my toenails.
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Video credit: The owner is indicated in the video. Thanks, YouTube, for the link.
For many years, our family has kept a beloved 'old tradition': the Visita Iglesia. It is a part of our yearly observance of the Holy Week as a family. We set out to hear the Holy Thursday Mass of the Lord's Last Supper in the early evening of Thursday, go for confession, and then proceed to visit seven Catholic Churches to pray the Way of the Cross or Stations of the Cross in the evening. Usually, we set out to fast the entire day, and then eat a full meal after the Visita Iglesia. We usually look forward to this meal, too.
The Stations of the Cross is a 14-step devotion that commemorates the Passion of Jesus Christ as he redeemed the world from the clutches of sins by suffering and dying on the Cross. We move from one Station to the next as we contemplate and pray in two stations per church. I am usually in-charge of determining the churches to visit, depending on our mobility (we sometimes drive and then walk from one church to another; or just drive around), other plans for the day, and family members' locations. In some cases, we take advantage of Visita Iglesia to go on a pilgrimage to visit Catholic churches in distant places. Still, in other cases, we consider the wishes or challenges that a family member/s is/are struggling to surmount in determining the churches to visit based on the churches' devotional focus. This way, we can aid the family member/s in praying for his/her/their cause, and more explicitly express our love and care.
My siblings and I started this tradition more than thirty years ago. Ours is an 'improved' version of our parents and grandparents' own tradition of praying the Stations of the Cross in our childhood church at the Minor Basilica of Our Lady of the Rosary of Manaoag. This was in the Province of Pangasinan where we were born, except our youngest sibling who was born in Quezon City. They took us with them in their Way of the Cross devotions but they prayed the entire Stations of the Cross in the same church. When my family moved to Quezon City, my parents would usually do the Stations of the Cross at the Santo Domingo Church, which is also known as the National Shrine of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary of La Naval de Manila and declared as National Culture Treasure by the National Museum of the Philippines.
Over the years, when siblings and cousins had their own children, our Stations of the Cross 'crew' grew. At some point, organizing the Visita Iglesia was a 'nightmare', especially when the kids were still young and were constantly hungry, in need to use the restroom, or constantly complaining that they were close to 'fainting from exhaustion' like Jesus himself as they pushed themselves through a throng of faithfuls and devotees like us! The kids' drama was frustrating for my siblings - their parents, but it was hilarious most of the time. These days the then drama is now a subject of fond reminiscing as the 'kids' then are all grownups and are organizing their own Visita Iglesia with their respective growing families. We are happy to see that they are continuing the family tradition with their own 'twists' as they inspire their own kids to learn and follow the Way of the Cross. This is why, these days, my Visita Iglesia crew is a small 'trio' of myself, my sister and our brother who divides his time between his own family and us to observe this beloved family tradition.
Speaking of 'twists', back in 2020 and 2021, when we were unable to conduct Visita Iglesia because of the COVID-19 pandemic, as the 'automatic' organizer, I had to set up Stations of the Cross in our front yard. My sister and brother, and I had to go through the Stations while our whole family followed via Zoom. I had to upgrade my personal Zoom account to accommodate our entire family in more than an hour of devotion, and later update one another as we were locked down in our respective locations.
A new place to explore in the name of faith
As I shared in a few posts here, I have a second home these days - in a place close to my new second workplace, the Province of Laguna. It's one of those places in the Philippines that played an important part in shaping the Philippines as a country. In fact, our national hero, Dr. Jose P. Rizal, hailed from this province. The old cultural heritage of my country still beats in the heart of this Province despite the undeniable touches of modernization and cosmopolitan living in the big cities here. I live in one of the big cities, which is right next to my workplace - another big city, and perhaps, the most modern of them all.
So, my small Visita Iglesia trio with my sister and brother visited seven churches close to our new second home. These are:
1. St. John Bosco Parish & Center for Young Workers in the City of Santa Rosa. We attended the Maundy Thursday Mass in this church, and we went on to kick-off our Visita Iglesia with the first two Stations in our Way of the Cross devotion. The service was a mix of serious devotion and humor courtesy of one of the Vicars of the parish. The Stations of the Cross were situated in a lush garden of the church. There was a throng of devotees but we did not need to push our way through them. Everyone was so nice, and all the activities were so well-organized with helpful marshals and other volunteers. The priests were so easy-going, and they all greeted the parishioners and visitors cheerfully as they made their way to the front of the church to get ready for their procession.
2. Santuario De La Salle at the De La Salle University - Laguna campus in Biñan City. The church is beautiful with its unique minimalist design and gracefully curving structure. It was a peaceful place, where the narrow heavy doors around the circular structure shielded the interior of the church from the noise outside. Not so many people were visiting the church though when we arrived. Perhaps, people were unaware that it was open to the public for Visita Iglesia.
3. St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta Parish Church is the first of the rest of the churches that we visited along the Timbao-Carmona Road in Biñan City. It is one of the thirteen (13) Jubilee Churches in the Province of Laguna. It is a humble little church - a jewel in a very busy street dominated by the wet market of Brgy. Timbao. When we arrived, a big group of parish devotees were praying together, and a number of visitors like ourselves were scattered in the various Stations.
4. Parish of the Risen Lord Church at the Town and Country Southville, Brgy. Santo Tomas in Biñan City. It was a beautiful church with a lovely sanctuary. It was filled with people when we arrived. Big groups of devotees, some of them were wearing uniform shirts, flocked the Stations of the Cross at the foreground. Inside the church, so many people were praying, it was impressive.
5. St. Joseph The Worker Parish Church at the Olivarez Homes South Subdivision, also in Brgy. Santo Tomas in Biñan City. This was a relatively small church, and it was quite hard to find but it was buzzing with devotees when we arrived. That got us in a very good devotion mood.
6. San Vicente Ferrer Parish Church in Biñan City. This is also one of 13 Jubilee Churches in the Province of Laguna. It was a big church, which was obviously a well-supported by its parishioners. There were so many volunteers helping and guiding the devotees and visitors, and they did it with such cheerfulness. They have a big parking space, too, and parking was made easier by the volunteers. There was a big crowd of devotees that rushed in and out of the church that mimicked the busyness of the street outside.
7. Our Mother of Perpetual Help Shrine in Biñan City was a lovely church. The architecture was superb, and all the stained windows where the Passion of Christ in Stations of the Cross were depicted were impressive. The small but beautifully made garden outside, especially at the entrance, felt very welcoming. The overall impression that one gets inside the church is that our Blessed Mother is, indeed, ready to offer solace and assistance in prayer and faith. I think it was a perfect place to conclude our devotion... it added to having our hearts light and happy as we headed home.
We may have a new second home in a new place that, a few years ago, was unimaginable for us to consider as home at all. Our Visita Iglesia experience has put all this into perspective... because the experience remains the same - beautiful as soulful. It's like God reminding us that, wherever life may take us, for as long as God is at the Center of our lives, we shall thrive. What is important is we remain obedient to God... always discerning and following His will with our best effort at all times. In the same way that our Lord was obedient to the Father even when His obedience led to Him dying on the Cross. In the end, with His resurrection, joy is there to be had... just like, there is always joy to be had in this new journey of ours in this new place. We did have a very good bonding moment as siblings as we go from one church to the next amid our new environment. Thanks be to God!
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Image credit: All the photos in the collage in this post belong to me.
So, today, on the last Sunday of March 2025, I begin a new category in this blog: "Sunday Contemplation". Actually, this is nothing new in this blog as I have posted many 'contemplative pieces' in the past such as this and this. I have been realizing that, these days, most of my posts end up as a form of contemplation. I guess it goes with age; as well as my current circumstance where I have the opportunity to enjoy solitude, which evokes contemplation. More so the former, I do believe. Age, I am beginning to discover, is a 'being' of its own. The closer we get to 'old age', the voice of the being becomes louder... at times, deafening. But when it is calm and serene, it does evoke contemplation and meaningful reflections... and life's deeper meaning emerges from the soul, acknowledged by the mind as logical and valid... and felt to the core of the heart in unison with the mind. I believe that is called wisdom. And this is my motivation in starting a new category in this blog today.
So, here we go...
It's like listening to God sighing with such contentment as the day comes to a close...
...through the leaves of the trees.
I find summertime at my new workplace and in my new second home so fascinating. The trees have regained their crowning glory! They are now covered with lush green leaves - so beautiful! The Narra trees are particularly beautiful because of their cheerful yellow flowers, making a dramatic appearance in thick bunches. In the afternoon, when the wind exceeds its usual mere 'whisper' all day, the yellow petals of the flowers give in to the coaxing of the wind and allow themselves to flow with the wind. As the wind let them go, the petals drop gracefully to the ground to perch themselves on the tip of the grasses below, transforming the bed of grass into a sea of bright yellow petals - it's just beautiful.
The natural transformation around me these days inspires contemplation... making solitude all the more delectable and enjoyable. That intangible dimension of mind and the soul are woven together in perfect harmony by the natural beauty around me, making imagination and wonder dance with such grace and power that it lifts the being to that unimaginable realm of beauty, making the intangible dimension so real and seem palpable.
Uhm, no... there is nothing that anyone could ever say that can convince me that life in Metro-Manila is better than the life I am leading in this new place... even when challenges from the 'practical matters' of living abound. People talk about living sustainably, 'going back to basics', and all that blah in Metro-Manila. And yet, not so many of them can imagine leaving that stinky urban jungle, where every corner hides a secret... many of which are so dark, others so lurid - at the very least, so inconsistent with how God intended human beings to live.
I close my eyes... and I let my ear be filled by the sound of God's sigh of contentment - through the leaves of the trees that seem to murmur gleefully with the gentle summer wind, and the birds and other insects - flying, leaping, crawling freely and, I imagine, happily. And all the sights and sounds fill my heart with so much joy, peace of mind and, yes, merry contentment!
Thanks for this opportunity to live this way... thanks be to God!
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Video credit: The video featured in this entry is mine.
"Man, I was... I was terrified. I tried drinking, you know, make it all go away, but... it didn't work. Nothing did. Then I realized a good Marine doesn't act in the absence of fear. They act in the face of it. So, I did."
- Jack Sheridan (Martin Henderson), 'Virgin River' S6:E3
Yep, it's one of those weekends when there is so much to digest and reflect on because the whole week has been a 'colorful collage' of many important events, many of which were challenging, a handful were stressful and tiring, and some quite sobering.
So, yep, I had a week of emotional roller coaster filled with intellectual 'adventures' and leadership puzzles, and personal realizations. Unlike Jack Sheridan - the lead character played by Martin Henderson in the Netflix series, 'Virgin River', though, who was also faced with a colorful barrage of dangerous encounters as a Marine captain and thereafter, I didn't try drinking - I never will. I do understand the fear - the unsettling awareness of the danger that lies ahead, and how it can strike at any moment. It doesn't help that I tend to overthink things sometimes...
especially when there is very little known alternative to avoid the expected danger. Such anticipation can lead to panic and decision paralysis, which is the worst effect of fear.
When I was younger, I was usually unafraid to take on 'fearsome matters' just because I believed... no, I knew, I knew then that the more fearsome the challenges were in front of us, the greater the learning - whether the challenge was surmounted or not. Therefore, 'acting in the face of fear', and acting with the best possible decision under the circumstances, always brought the most satisfying outcome - win or lose.
These days, after learning so much from previous experiences, I have been losing my appetite for facing danger and all the monstrosity that comes with it. Not that I am afraid... I remain unafraid. Let's just say that I am more in touch with my mortality these days... and given all the time I spent in facing danger and the excitement of 'acting in the face of it' in a thankless job, I am now more inclined to the quiet, 'less exciting' life. I guess the thankless nature of my job is the biggest factor of danger that I usually faced (and still face), and the biggest reason why the 'appetite' dwindles and it inclines somewhere else. I now enjoy getting home before the sun sets, cooking and savoring freshly cooked meals, watering the plants and almost literally watching them grow... and just enjoying a quiet evening without so many things racing in my head, and keeping me awake all night. Many people say, I'll get bored and will soon crave the 'dangerous life'. So far, my interest keeps inclining somewhere else.
These days, spending 'busy' weeks are so unbelievably stressful for me even when such weeks are actually just a 'walk-in-the-park when compared with my pursuits back in the days when I was the equivalent of Jack Sheridan's Marine captain in my Academic Unit in the University. I guess my passion for dangerous pursuits has dwindled... or, I may need a new scenario to rekindle my appetite for slaying danger and all the monstrosities that come with it. And just exactly how will I do that? Okay, now... that might just be the equivalent of 'acting in the face of danger'. And my pulse quickens.... 💓🙏
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Image credit: The image in this post is from Netflix through Entertainment Weekly - thanks both.
QOTD #31: On the journey of discovery, getting off track... and returning to one's true passion
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by PAM
"Who you are isn't finite. You'll be different a year from now, ten minutes from now. So, embrace who you are in this moment."
- Ronnie Sullivan (Brandon Quinn), 'Sweet Magnolias', S4:E7
Yes, I am one of them worriers in this world. I sometimes am unable to stay in the moment... I will admit. Okay, I just did... admit. By the time people say, "ahhh", "hmmm," with eyes closed and face seemed to be illuminated by a glorious light from up above after taking that perfect bite from a delicious main course of a fabulous dinner, I would already be imagining the dessert... and all the very many possibilities... such as someone choking if the dessert was a rice cake of sorts. My hyper imaginative mind will then race to far flung places such as 911 and someone being rushed to the Emergency Room due to some nasty tapioca pearl getting caught in someone's throat or something. So, if someone would ask my opinion about the steak and whether or not it was cooked to my liking, I wouldn't know how to answer. In fact, I hardly know what were served at dinner at all! But when someone gasped for air... that's it, I would be on my phone dialing 911 - emergency, someone is choking!!
As I binge-watched Season 4 of "Sweet Magnolias" to have my favorite young couple, Ty and Annie, keep me company as I work, work, work... into Valentine's Day, Annie's Dad, Ronnie, caught my attention as he set Annie's worried mind at ease. The gorgeous, kind and naturaly talented budding artist, Annie, was stressing her brains out over College applications. She was doubting herself whether this or that school would be a good fit for her as she wants to study photography... and what if she chose one school and then realized one day that photography was not her real passion? What then? She was imagining a thousand and one scenarios, and it drover her crazy.
I can relate with Annie... not that I'm a 17-year-old girl deciding about college! No, not that, of course! I was fifteen (15) years old when I started college... and I just wanted to study! I didn't have the crisis that Annie had. My National College Entrance Examination (NCEE) Test (yes, we had that in the Philippines when I was in High School) score and qualitative analysis indicated that I can pursue anything... and I positively felt that way, too. I chose chemical engineering in two universities where I took entrance examination, political science and journalism in another. I passed in all... but I decided to study chemical engineering at the University of Santo Tomas (UST)... not that I knew what I was doing. I let my faith work, and it led me to teaching chemical engineering in the same University later. The rest is history as they say.
These days, I am handling a relatively important assignment at work... and I remain interested and engaged. However, as I also begin to 'slow down' in preparation for retirement, my original passions that I consciously set aside to give way to what was practical for me and my family decades ago are now 'bubbling back' towards the surface... and it's becoming more and more difficult to ignore. So, my passion for what I do at work started to dwindle a bit... until it's becoming quite impossible to ignore my real passion.
Decades ago, it was easier to choose between what was practical and needed, and what I was (am) passionate about. I chose 'practical and needed', hands down... because I love my family and I have always been committed to my family. I never regretted my choice because, over the years, as I wholeheartedly fulfill my obligations, I discovered myself... and the many gifts that God gave me that enabled me to accomplish many things. Everyday, I felt excited because of the hope to discover something new. Without a doubt, who I am and who I can be is finite as only God is infinite. But putting trust in God as I embarked to the journey of discovery, I felt that the hope in my heart - that is centered in God's love, made me believe that 'anything is possible'. Indeed, 'the possibility is endless' as they say... and if we worked hard, we can realize many of those possibilities. Sometimes, our choices cause us to stray away from the road that leads to the better version of ourselves. This is when prayers lift the clouds in front of us, fortify our vision... and the road to happiness reveals itself in front of us. The journey continues. Perhaps, that's what Ronnie Sullivan meant when he said to Annie, "what you are isn't finite". One moment, we are plunged in a sea of confusion, but with a small prayer and lots of faith, we are bathed in a light of clarity... a beautiful experience that only God's love can afford us.
I can say that the journey of discovery has been awesome! These days though, there are a few remaining reasons to stay practical... but the call to pursue passion gets louder and louder. I feel that there is more to discover. And, to continue discovering... I have to change course.
Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day, y'all!
***
Image credit: The photo of Ty (Carson Rowland) and Annie (Anneliese Judge) is borrowed from Tudum by Netflix - thank you.
Christmas is here! The glitters, the twinkling lights, the colorful decor, the beautiful carols, and all the magical merriments... indeed, "it's the most wonderful time of the year"! Good cheers fill the air, and there is much merrymaking all around. It's that season when hearts open up to give and receive joy... sometimes in the form of gifts wrapped in colorful boxes and made so pretty by bows or sparkling little ornaments, or in the form of heartfelt wishes that seem to magically light up our world with much beautiful emotions that only the heart can define.
But for our family, Christmas is always been about Him - Christ. Christmas is all about Him... the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ and the greatest love that made it happen. I feel fortunate that, over the years, God has used me as an instrument of giving love to our family on the day of His only Son's birth. My nieces and nephews and their parents saw how Christmas became a tradition of a special day to express love, care, and familial affection. Over the years, they have started building their own families, and it is wonderful to see them keep the tradition in their own families. Most of them remember....
...and they come to visit on Christmas day to show their love, and it just absolutely warms the heart.
This year is very special because it is our first time to celebrate Christmas day at our new 'second home' in a City about 45km south of our 'primary home'. Of course, we spent Christmas Eve and had our Christmas Eve dinner in our primary home after attending Misa de Gallo. We then traveled to our second home on Christmas morning where my siblings and our nieces and nephews came to celebrate Christmas with us. It was only for a few hours of merrymaking as they have their own plans, too... but it was more than enough. It was enough to make us feel how blessed we are... and how God's love is in everyone's heart in our family - happiness, indeed! And we so love that little babe in that magical manger!
From our family to yours, HAPPY CHRISTMAS!! May God bless us all.
***
Image credit: All photos in this entry belong to me.
...on the beauty of gratitude (and an 'unsettling disruption').
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by PAM
In my world of Education 'industry', at least, this small part that is still not fully changed (or corrupted) by artificial intelligence (AI) to an unfeeling (too) data-centered 'industry'... where human connection and relation remains to be the means by which real intelligence is uncovered, nurtured towards natural flourishing, and enabled to help constitute the greater good, it is, indeed, a beautiful experience to be receiving a token of gratitude from those with whom we forged real connections.
I feel that we achieved a little success today. I received an email from a former student of ours at the Faculty of Engineering of the University of Santo Tomas (UST) who just passed the November 2024 Licensure Examination for Civil Engineers. She started her journey in the Faculty as an Electrical Engineering student but decided that she wanted to pursue Civil Engineering instead. She then applied to change program. The Faculty is a student-centered academic unit (AU) that implements programs that support and enable students to grow to mature individuals that are able to discern and identify their strengths as basis of their decisions moving forward. As such, we guided her through the process of changing her program, and she did so successfully. When we let her know that her application was approved, she expressed delight and promised that she will become a full-fledged civil engineer. And she did.
"Ever Grateful, Ever Hopeful"
And what was the first thing (okay, maybe second... or third. Uhm, I gotta strong feeling that it's really fourth) she did after passing the Licensure Exam? Well, she sent that email above.
I always consider my profession as an educator and higher education institution (HEI) administrator as one that requires the accomplishment of so many (many, many) tasks... that are mostly 'thankless'. We do them anyway... well, I do them, anyway, because I do believe they are necessary and that they are worth-doing. The worth is not immediately realized but when it is realized... it's just the greatest of things... well, at the very least, among the greatest of things. There have been (many, many) times when I thought that our efforts in doing what we do are in vain. The 'system' is slowly 'diminishing' educators as mere 'facilitators' of learning whose place is on the 'sidelines' while learners take the center stage with all those blinding beams of light focused on them while the fakest of fake social media expect them to be perfect otherwise they are cancelled, gaslighted or just tossed to the pack of trolls. Uhm... it's no wonder why learners suffer from so much anxiety. Learning has become so daunting than ever before for students... that many of them fake learning... and they have a 'great' help in doing this: AI. All they have to do is take to social media, and post things that flatter many... including themselves. For some, mostly themselves. And when they are unable to sustain the flattery, their minds and spirits get gnawed by anxiety... and send them spiraling to depression. They suffer... and for what? Exactly - for nothing! It is because nothing much in that fake platform is ever true or sincere - 'enhanced' this, 'enhanced' that. And yet 'the system' pushes learners to its claws... and away from learning deeply, thoroughly, and meaningfully... and grow in gratitude, hope and love.
Educators are no longer regarded as 'partners' in the process of learning... learners' guide and companion in the beautiful journey of discovery... of continuous learning. After all, with all the fakery out there, all the more that guidance is necessary. However, we are expected to merely facilitate learning... anticipate learners' needs and be there when they cry for help... like paid nannies, poorly paid nannies, that is. We are no longer regarded as scholars, as scientists who inspire learners to explore the unknown, uncover the truth - whole truth and nothing but the truth. And yet, we are expected to 'deliver the goods' in terms of research publications - products of scholarly pursuits, that send the HEI that we serve to the top of global university rankings. Odd? No, not just odd... it's ironic!
So much irony these days, indeed. We invented AI to make our lives 'easier', and yet, the use of AI usually complicates our lives. Many of us lose the meaning of life (and good living) altogether. As we attempt to 'simplify' our lives through AI, our lives tend to become more complicated... and we expose ourselves to so much vulnerability, insecurity. And, as we load AI with the power to 'read our minds' and 'listen to our thoughts'... we feel more unsafe than ever before. No, I am not against AI per se. I believe that 'benign AI' is the product of human being's authentic intelligence and the benevolent desire to elevate the quality of human life. However, because of greed and the maniacal desire of others for recognition, fame, glory and money (and just the mere ignorance by some - plain and simple), AI has become an 'unsettling disruption' that sets fire to the natural order in human lives. As such, I am against using AI in ways that allow the decaying of our authentic humanity; and I absolutely oppose the promotion of the 'wonders' of AI that mislead the younger generations, depriving them to experience the authentic beauty of human life and their natural development to the wonderful individuals that they are meant to become.
🎶 "Most of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world." 🎶
Despite my frustrations in the overhyping of AI in the most misguided ways these days, I remain hopeful that this product of authentic human intelligence will be used wisely by the next generations. Not all is lost, and there is much yet to be gained.
Happy Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary!
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Image credit: The content of the screenshot email belongs to my former student.
