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by Philipina A. Marcelo
For the past six weeks or so, I've written 13 blog entries. Writing them within that period of time was an experience close to writing for the "Features Section" of my high school newspaper more than 25 years ago... if I still remember what it was like. If not, well, how 'bout, I've ranted lengthily 13 times in the past six weeks or so? :) Whatever it was, it's making me feel "hobbywise productive", and all satisfied and happy! Woohoo! :)
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Hello, self... how have you been?
In addition, within the same period of time, I've read an in-depth biography of an iconic personality, read five colorful novellas that made me dig through my old stuff for my unfinished novella collection (a retirement agenda I am so looking forward to), and I've also read more than a dozen full-length feature stories on energy and the
Oy, vacation!environment, food, politics, and world economy. You can tell, I've been on "www" with a purpose lately, and have made a number of fulfilling visits to the bookstore... with sidetrips to the clothes and shoes stores, too. :) I've gone on trips "under the radar" as well, soaking up on some cultural stuff and
Oy, oy! Foodie, oy!food adventures. I've gone on absorbing training on a few things I'd like to learn outside of work, and tried some snack recipes I've been thinking about for a long time now. Plus, of course, I've watched - with great delight - more than two dozens of football matches! Yes, I'm on vacation, too... and have been quite "too sick to work"! But being on vacation and
Oy, oy, oy! Footie, oy! being sick had very little to do with the loading up of wonderful activities that sharpen the mind and delight the senses with great satisfaction. It had more to do with breaking free from that "social network black hole" where socializing has never been absolutely "unreal" and have become so "irrelevant", in many fronts and various "faces", in the most deceiving ways! Not to mention eroding true friendships through the "deadly sins" that it evokes, and give rise to disturbing false ones - both in most perplexing ways.
I guess it's just me though... what started as a healthy way of keeping in touch with dear friends from far away places and sharing things that we mutually enjoy became a suffocating force that was out of control! I have relinquished more of my precious "free time" than what the black hole deserved... until I felt "enslaved" by it... most of the time feeling obliged to comment on the most mundane things or otherwise personal - too personal - stuff that "friends" post for the world to see... and goodness only knows for what reason! *sigh* Now that I think about it, dang, I might have been doing the same, too, at some points... mostly, unconsciously. "When in black hole...", right? :) And now that I think more seriously about it, those "unconscious" moments were those when I was kind of disillusioned by specific things. Hmmm...
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So black the hole
Could it be? Could it be that the black hole is that swirling energy that suck the disillusioned? and the lonely? and get an audience as a consolation, and therefore they let themselves swirl with the energy for a momentary relief rather than actually doing something to get out of disillusionment and loneliness in a more healthy manner? Could it be? Could it be that the black hole is that place some find "safe" to "brag" about things that used to be just those that they enjoy doing privately and now became something that they realized were their "advantage" over others, and therefore must make others see that they have something that others don't have? And then later, they felt "pressured" to maintain their newly acquired "upperhand" by planning every moment of their lives - every vacation, every activity, every breath, every move, every photo - around the black hole? Could it be that the "black hole" is a canvass where a picture-perfect image of one's self could be painted until the painting became one's "pseudo-reality"? Hmmm... very disturbing indeed.
Personally, hanging out in the black hole on my free time, I felt that I've been losing much of the wonderful opportunities for sane and normal growth as a social person, as well as the opportunities to sharpen skills in doing things that I truly enjoy. And I am increasingly getting disturbed by "friends" who seemed to be "mirror imaging" myself and some of our common friends... it's looking more and more like a second nature lately... almost looking like competing when there is really no need to do so. It hasn't only become socially unhealthy, but it has become too creepy as well! Therefore, it was time to take action!
What started out as a Lenten Season "sacrifice" has become a full commitment! And what a relief to be unburdened from it all! Yes, I've been gradually and effectively getting "unFacebooked"! Sorry, Mark Zuckerberg - nothing personal. It was a great idea for me, too, but it has become "so crowded but so empty" in there. The brilliant idea has stretched so wide that it became so shallow. But it was good while it lasted! ;) I am not quitting it yet for "sentimental reasons"... remembering the days when it opened in the Ivy League realm. I'll keep a "house" there... but it will be shut and without its habitant - like it has been for the past how many weeks now. I'll visit it once in a while 'cause I will be losing a lot, too, considering I have good friends in there whose sincere posts and innocent "cyber company" I truly enjoyed and relished happily. :( And I do have groups and fan pages that are honestly wonderful with highly informative posts that I've savored and enjoyed chiming in tremendously over the past years. *sigh* But, yes, I am slowly, but steadily on a "withdrawal"... gaining back my privacy, wanting my privacy again, protecting my privacy and others' privacy (even if they are still unaware that they will crave it at some point)... and getting back to being a "normal" person in a real world. And it feels GREAT!
Oh, SO GREAT!! :)
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Photo credits: I own all photos.
